


Living In The Storm

by LERoyal



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, F/F, Forbidden Love, Secret Relationship, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-15 12:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 83,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11806434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LERoyal/pseuds/LERoyal
Summary: CURRENTLY UNDER REVISION. Regina Mills, a newly-qualified teacher, finds herself falling for her hauntingly beautiful but reserved student. Try as she might, even in the face of the direst consequences, she can’t seem to escape Emma Swan.





	1. Chapter 1

 

The bus journey and sitting in her new office waiting for the bell to ring had all collapsed into one big blur. Regina found herself standing in front of a chalkboard, ‘Miss Mills’ emblazoned across it in her own familiar hand.

Looking out at what would be her new first period, she paused for a second, watching them, letting them take in their new teacher. A fitted casual blouse and a pencil skirt, a little tighter and the split a touch higher than most other teachers would dare. Her hair was still loose around her shoulders, her eyes made up in their usual dark smoky tones, subtle but present. She had taught numerous classes before, the difference being that she could always hand them back at the end of her placement - job completed. This set of students, in fact all the ones she would see today, were her sole responsibility.

The hour passed unremarkably as she found her stride quashing any resistance and encouraging and illustrating her learning points. Leaning against her desk, she watched them file out until she was alone again.

As Regina turned to begin tidying up her already immaculate desk, a tapping at her door disturbed her. She groaned inwardly as the slap of overpriced Italian shoes against cheap vinyl signaled the death of any chance of a peaceful recess she might have had. She tried hard not to be stereotypical, judgmental, but staring at an overpriced and overly fitted suit and a belt buckle bigger than her hand, she found it challenging.

“Good morning. Robin Locksley, you must be Regina?” His tone was too enthusiastic, appreciative, as he reached out a hand, not so subtly letting his eyes sweep her frame.

Fixing a fake smile to her face, Regina did the same, though she let just a second pass before she reciprocated the gesture. The missed beat was barely noticeable but she hoped it would be just enough to convey that she wasn’t going to be taken in by his impeccably white-toothed grin or perfectly coiffed hair.

“Regina Mills, nice to meet you.” Her choice of greeting was formal but not unkind, her lips still locked in their forced grin as her fingers were crushed in his grip – she could be professional.

“I’ve heard a lot about you Regina, fresh out of college, top of your class at UoM, we were very lucky to get you.”

Tipping her head slightly, brushing off the comment, Regina lowered her eyes for a second before she spoke, “And I’ve heard nothing at all about you. You’ll have to forgive me but I just haven’t gotten around to learning who’s who. What do you teach?”

Truth be told she didn’t care, yet in a town where she knew no one, part of her was acutely aware that she needed all the acquaintances she could get, so she feigned an interest.

“Computer Science.”

She couldn’t have made a better guess, as overdressed and overly slick as he was, Robin Locksley was an obvious choice for a computer science teacher, someone to teach the children how to point and click.

"Sounds interesting..." She let a smile continue to play at her lips, though it didn't quite meet her eyes.

His eyes never strayed far from her, his gaze obtrusive almost, throwing her back to her college days where she was the girl everybody wanted to sleep with but nobody was brave enough to date.

"So, settling in okay, nobody giving you too much of a run around yet? Peterson can be a handful if he thinks he'll get away with it..." Robin pushed onwards, his hands perched dangerously close to the edge of her desk as he looked at her with a smile she was sure would charm most woman.

"No problems so far, boss." The joke was light, though she let her eyes glitter with its echoes for just a second, before she forced herself to be more serious. "They seem like good students, I taught in some of the projects, volunteering, and I've seen some pretty tough schools during training... I don't feel under prepared, I’m determined to make a good start.”

She trailed off as she realized she was almost giving a sales pitch to the man. She could appreciate why he might be attractive, he was aesthetically pleasing, but he definitely knew it, and aside from that fact he was male took all the sparkle out of it for her.

She let her fingers rake along her desk, catching stack of papers and flicking through them slowly, pleased when he seemed to get the message that she had work to do.

"Well, looks like you're making an excellent start, so if you need anything, I'm over in 2.09... Come by anytime..." Regina swore he was going to wink at her, though thankfully that he didn't. She pointedly ignored his validation, which she didn't want, nor need, and smiled politely.

"I'll keep that in mind, it was nice to meet you, Robin". A brief handshake saw the end of the conversation, his expensive shoes ringing him back out of the room, the lingering scent of his no doubt equally pricey cologne.

Sighing softly to herself and shaking her head, Regina turned back to her desk. She hadn't met many people in Storybrooke yet, not aside from her huffy neighbor, the bus driver, and the principal who looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown when she'd given her the key to her room.

Robin Locksley might be a little forward for her tastes, but at least he was another acquaintance. With her fingers running over the creased pages again, she sat back down, deciding to use the twenty-minute recess she had before her next class to get started on some grading.

***

 

By the time the last class of the day was filing in, Regina felt as tired as she looked. Though her enthusiasm would carry her through, inwardly she knew it had been far too long since she'd completed a full day of work... a full day of anything except job hunting and hiding in her childhood bedroom at her Mother’s mansion.

Her feet protested in her heels, though she paid them no mind, moving back to the front of the class and once again emblazoning her name across the blackboard. She let her eyes sweep the room as she introduced herself, feeling the process becoming familiar now, back in front of twenty plus pairs of eyes all expectant, somehow was once again starting to feel like home.

"Alright then, you know who I am, and I'm sure I'll get to know you" her tone was measured but conversational, the sea of faces that stared back at her, some curious, some just plain bored.

"You can all call me Miss Mills, now..." Regina was about to start giving the details of the class assignment she had planned, a creative writing piece to assess what she had to work with, when a snicker broke out in the back row.

"Something funny? I like a joke as much as the next girl, feel free to share, Mister... Adams." A quick glance down at the seating plan told her the boy in question's name, before her eyes were back on his, a smirk on her lips that was semi-playful, though her expression carried a warning.

"Nothing..." He replied exactly as she knew he would, and she let him hold her stare, defiant, a smirk pulling at his lips that she recognized as belonging to the class clown.

"Well it sounded like something, we can all speak freely in my class, so if you have something to say?" she questioned, leaning back on her desk, letting her fingers tap the cool wood as she waited for an answer. The boy glanced sideways and she saw it coming, he was checking that he had a maximal audience before he delivered what she had no doubt he thought would be a brilliant remark.

"I just said we should call you Miss Perfect." A few snorts broke out and heads turned. Regina let her own demeanor stay cool, un-phased, a coy smile playing on her lips, "I'm flattered, but why exactly is that?"

The question hung heavy in the air, and she waited until he was shrugging, looking down at his desk, his cheeks slowly blanching pink. Looking around the room, she pushed up off her desk, striding a few paces forward before she spoke.

"Well, unless anybody else feels the need to flatter me without a cause, shall we start?"

There were no objections and so she did.

It was simple enough to set the class off on their assignment, and she watched from behind her desk as they worked. The sight somehow took her back to her childhood, back to the days she first realized she wanted to teach, back to the very thing that had inspired her. She had decided on a creative writing piece, a fly on the wall description of a town close to Christmas - it seemed simple, yet it had enough scope that they could make it their own, and she could get a broad idea of what they could do from it.

It seemed strange now, and as her pen dithered over one of the morning's papers, Regina couldn't help but feel like she was coming full circle. It had all begun exactly like this, sitting in a classroom, watching other kids struggle over writing assignments after her own were long finished. It was that curiosity about why, how it could be so hard, how it was so easy for her, and how she could give them some of that ease, that enjoyment she found in writing, that had landed her where she sat.

Blinking away the memories, she concentrated on grading the papers, an assessment ever-forming in her mind, papers that were good, papers that were bad, papers that seemed lazy, and slowly but surely, a plan was emerging - the areas that needed work, grammatical lessons to teach, relevant books to read.

Time passed easily, a blur of hushed concentration and red pen, though gradually, the noise level around her began to rise. Adding a letter grade to the last of the stack of papers, pleased with her progress, the teacher glanced up at the clock and saw that the hour was drawing to a close. Around her students were leaning over, turning around in seats, holding conversations that had begun as whispers, escalated into a low buzz and were growing louder and louder with each passing second.

She took a second to watch them, deciding not to disturb their natural habitat for a few more moments. The boy from the back row had a small audience around him, groups of girls were nodding and talking enthusiastically to each other, a few students in the front row comparing papers, one of them even had out a thesaurus. The whole room seemed to come alive now apparently feeling free of her scrutiny, though towards the back of the room, one girl remained motionless in her seat, her paper still in her hands. Regina let her gaze linger on the top of a blonde head for a second, before she looked away.

"Alright... Enough... I assume this means everybody finished?" Her question was answered with the murmur of dying conversation, as sets of eyes gradually returned to her, a few of the girls still whispering desperately to each other, before finally, there was silence. "Okay..."

She stood and moved back around to the front of her desk, walking along the row of students closest to her, eyeing their work as she spoke. "Pass your papers left and then forwards, there won't be any homework for tonight, but don't take that as a sign of things to come."

There was a flurry of papers being passed, the scrape of the metal feet of chairs against the ground as bags began to be hurried packed and jackets pulled on.

"Next class we'll go over our descriptive pieces, see you all tomorrow." Stepping back, she collected the wedge of paper that had been haphazardly stacked on a front desk, before she opened the door, returning to her own desk as the stampede out began, the corridors bursting to life with the minute hand on the clock reaching twelve.

Finally, once again alone, looking down at the stack of papers she had just been graced with, Regina retrieved another rubber band. Teaching wasn't easy, nor glamorous, in fact, it was proving every bit of hard as her mother had threatened it to be, yet as she banded the assignments and packed them into her bag, ready to head back out to the bus, she couldn't help but feel accomplished - finally, she was living the dream.

 

***

 

It was strange to walk down the street back to the big old house that was now her home. Nowhere had ever really felt like home to Regina, not even the house by the sea where she grew up.

A bubble bath and a glass of wine had any thoughts of the house being anything but perfect forgotten. Boxes still littered the living room floor, her bedroom was still bare, save for her bed and her clothes, yet as she sunk down onto the sofa, none of that mattered. The sound of her iPod playing softly from its dock in the kitchen provided an ample acoustic background to the glass of wine in her hand and stack of papers in her lap.

She was growing ever more at home with a red pen in her hand. Grading was what they'd warned her about, hour upon boring hour spent correcting spelling, despairing over punctuation and grammar; yet Regina found it therapeutic. It all came back to the same thing - words. The words that fell from other people's pens were personal to them, unique, in both the best ways and the worst. Some of the papers in her lap were pure lazy, halfhearted attempts with little care nor thought. She could feel the effort that had gone into others, taste the idea even though the way it had been painted down in the page was streaky and incomplete.

Nothing she'd read so far had worried her, the general ability in her last class of the day, was neither any better nor worse than she had hoped for. Pausing to take a sip of her wine, she turned another page, placing the one marked with a letter 'C' down in the complete pile.

Dark eyes began to track the lines of the next piece of work, a small but neat hand, intricately shaped letters, delicate. By less than a quarter of the way down, she was glancing back to the top margin for the name. Emma Swan was unfamiliar to her, and she carried on reading.

The winter assignment had been broad, non-specific, an idea to be taken anywhere her students chose, and it had seemed that they'd all chosen the same route. Most papers described a busy market scene before Christmas, the hustle and bustle of shoppers, families drinking hot cocoa, shopping totes brimming over with presents, hats and scarves keeping away the descending cold. Emma's paper was different.

Regina tilted her head slightly, lifting the paper out of her lap to hold it a little closer as she read intently. There was no mention of Christmas, no presents, no warm reds and greens, no twinkle of fairy lights. The paper in her hand described a deserted town, abandoned, the winter sky rolling over head and bringing with it even more gloom to the landscape below.

The wording wasn't perfect, there wasn't an array of clever literary devices, yet the way the girl had (she assumed accidentally) personified an abandoned teddy bear, and described the trees as weeping over a lifeless landscape... Regina was fascinated.

Finishing the last line, she wrote a large 'A' in the margin, before reminding herself she'd have to go back through and correct the spelling and grammar mistakes that cropped up occasionally. Turning the paper over in her grasp, she mentally scanned her memory of the classroom, searching for an image, a face, anybody who could be Emma Swan, annoyed with herself when she drew a blank.

Twenty-four names were a lot to remember, yet the difference in the idea, the care with which the paper had been written, the scrawling hand and the harsh crossings out - she felt like this girl should have stood out. Her pen zipped over the page, back and forth, little red flourishes appearing amongst the black, though she was loathe to mar something so unique with corrections. Finally finished, she sighed softly, leaning back into the plush cushions of her new sofa. The writing wasn't outstanding - but it was definitely one of the better pieces, it was the concept that had her so intrigued.

Setting the paper down on the top of the pile, she picked up the next, almost bored now with the same factiously happy Christmas scene. It was three papers later that she remembered back to her afternoon in class, and had an idea of who Emma might be.

She remembered a quiet girl, sitting midway back, the one who didn't talk when the rest of the class erupted towards the end, she was just a blonde head of curls staring down at her page, and suddenly Regina was sure it was her.

The rest of the papers passed in a flurry of red ink and half a bottle of wine, and by the time they were done, Regina was pleased that she was tired enough to sleep.

Between the sheets of her huge new bed, laying on the mattress that was slowly becoming familiar, she closed her eyes and found herself drawn back again to the once alive and now barren landscape that had been painted in the paper belonging to a girl named Emma.

Rolling over, she promised herself that tomorrow, she would find out if she was, in fact, the quiet girl from the back, congratulate her on her work, offer perhaps to help her develop her prose - after all, it was for students that wanted to learn, students like she had been, the ones that valued words, that she had started teaching.


	2. Chapter 2

"Homework for tomorrow, don't forget", Regina called as her fourth period rushed the door. The day had been uneventful, she'd met more of the staff, taught all her classes, and aside from a few blunt exchanges with some testing students, it had all been extremely... ordinary.

She was settling in, she told herself as she rubbed the whiteboard clean, establishing a routine, and that was good.

Her next class began to filter in, mostly in little groups of two or three, and passing one girl yesterday's assignments to distribute, her stomach fluttered a little in anticipation - today she'd speak to Emma.

Leaning back on her desk she watched them chat and laugh as they took their time sitting in their seats. The room was filling up, yet the desk almost in the back corner was still empty, and Regina couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. A group of girls sauntered in next, phones out, talking back and forth across the room as they unpacked their bags, and just as the teacher was debating closing the door, she appeared.

Her thick blonde hair was the richest of golds, her eyes a green that was caught somewhere between the depths of the ocean and emeralds in the sunlight. Regina studied her as she moved to her seat, noting once again that she came in alone. Dark eyes stayed close to the girl, curious, as she called the roster, somehow justified when an extremely quiet "Present" slipped from her lips after the name, Emma Swan.

Regina set about the lesson she had to teach. Every so often her gaze drifted back towards the far corner, green eyes were always on the desk, on the board, on her paper, but never on the teacher herself. By the time the hour was up, she was even more curious about the girl who had written such a haunting piece.

"Alright, you're free to go, tomorrow we'll start our literature module, bring your book or you'll be reading the entire first chapter aloud for the class." She paused for a second, chairs already screeching on the floor, bags being packed.

"Emma... Stay behind and see me..." She tried to make her tone friendly, non-threatening, a smile tugged at her lips as green eyes snapped up to her. The girl looked absolutely horrified. Pink leaked into her pale complexion and she gave a tiny nod that Regina took to mean she had heard.

For once, the rest of the students seemed to take forever to leave, their usual hurrying and shoving seemingly less insistent. The minute it took for the room to clear felt much longer. With the last person finally out the door, Regina turned her eyes to Emma.

She was standing now, carefully sliding a thick pad of paper into an oversized satchel. Her long blonde hair half-veiled her face as it hung over her shoulder.

The noise of almost the entire student body rushing out of the building roared in the hall, and Regina closed the door on it before she moved back to her desk.

"You're not in trouble..." She offered the words kindly, waiting until green eyes were finally raised to look at her, hesitantly.

She smiled, and thin pink lips pulled up at the corners to mirror the action. Regina marveled at how beautiful a smile it was. Emma was delicate, slender, perfect bone structure and impossibly green eyes. With her pale golden hair and flawless creamy complexion, she looked like an angel.

Snapping her eyes to her desk for a second, Regina silently cleared her head.

"I wanted to talk to you about your assignment, it was good..." She let the words linger, Emma moved closer, a wary smile fighting its way onto her face, though she didn't reply.

"The writing was good, and the concept... Everyone else went down the more conventional route... Christmas, cocoa... Your take on it was really different. Where did you get that idea?" Regina tried to keep her eyes kind as they watched the emotions flit across Emma's face, her emerald eyes sparkling with the praise before she shrugged slightly, chewing her lip.

"That was just what I thought of... when you said a town in winter..." Her voice was quiet, and Regina had to lean forward to make sure she caught every word. It was musical, a soft lilt on her words, her fingers twisting the thin strap of her bag as she spoke.

"Well, it was a good thought, I really enjoyed reading it, if it had been assessed you would have scored highly towards your grade." Emma didn't respond, seemingly more interested in her shoes, her cheeks turning ever more pink at the words. Regina couldn't help but smile. She was different than most of the over-confident students in her class, different than the quieter ones that huddled into groups to talk about video games and bands she'd never heard of.

"I'm still deciding what modules we'll add in towards your tests this year, you seem like one of the more capable students, do you have a favorite type of writing?" The question was unnecessary. She had been meaning to get a class perspective on the things they'd like to write for assessed pieces, though she wasn't sure why she'd decided to ask Emma now, other than to catch her eyes again, hear her speak some more.

"I like descriptive writing, short stories are okay... I'm bad at poetry so..." She shrugged lightly, and Regina felt herself nodding along with the words, entranced. There was something captivating about the girl in front of her, she had enough beauty to warrant more than a little confidence, yet she seemed so modest.

"I was thinking about doing a short story... It's helpful to get your perspective, thanks." As she moved towards the door she was reluctant to open it, though she did, stepping back to let the girl pass.

"Well done again with the assignment, it was a really good job." Emma just nodded, though she looked up, her green eyes fully catching Regina's for the first time. It was barely a second, yet she held her gaze a fraction too long, and something in Regina's stomach flipped. Emma had noticed her the small scar above her lip, and the little indent burned under the attention. As quickly as the moment had come it was gone, and with a quiet "Thanks" so was Emma, striding away down the corridor.

Reaching up, Regina ran her fingers through her hair, watching her go for a second. Turning back to her room, she moved to her desk and gathered up her things, biting her lip and trying to dispel the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach.

People stared at her scar all the time, as her Mother often told her it was unsightly. She flicked off the lights and locked her door, telling herself that she ought to be used to it.

#

The bus journey home was its usual cramped and uncomfortable fifteen minutes. The car Regina was picking up that weekend could not come soon enough.

Staring out of the dirty window she found herself replaying the smile that had crept onto Emma's face, the sparkle in green eyes, the long blonde hair she could see in the distance...

Snapping back from her thoughts, Regina leaned in closer to the glass as the bus sped towards the girl in question. She looked small, alone, walking hurriedly along the sidewalk her eyes hidden as she looked down at the pavement. As the bus passed her, Regina turned her head to look back at her over her shoulder, before the harsh buzz of her phone against her skin made her jump, snapping her head back around.

Feeling almost guilty, she dug the device from her jacket pocket and stabbed unceremoniously at the accept button, before she saw the number on the caller ID. Groaning, she raised the phone to her ear.

"Hello Mother."

Her voice was familiar, the crisp annunciation dragging her back to more humid days, clearer skies, and storms that rolled in without a seconds warning.

"I’m sorry... what?" She blurted out the words, before remembering where she was, and clearing her throat, speaking into her phone again, this time more hushed.

"Mother... Why would you... I don't need a publishing contract, I have a job!" Her tone was indignant and she instantly hated how her mother could still take her from feeling like a grown woman back to being a petulant little girl refusing to go to bed.

She listened intently as the details were relayed to her, a series of young adult novels, nothing vexing, any genre. "Why would they do that... For all they know I could be a horrible writer." She almost rolled her eyes, as soon as the question had slipped out, she already knew the answer, and sure enough it came. "You're a Mills, Regina... There's hardly a chance that anything you write will be less than brilliant."

Sitting up a little straighter in her seat, eyeing the road ahead conscious of missing her stop, Regina snapped.

"Wow, Mother... your modesty is astounding... really." The conversation continued, her mother talking about everything and nothing, and Regina humming and agreeing in the right places, haughtily, until she was making her way down the aisle, bag in one hand, phone in the other, struggling to keep her balance.

She nodded her thanks to driver, relieved when her feet hit solid ground, and she could finally speak without twenty pairs of eyes watching her curiously.

"Mother... Stop, just stop it... I don't want to write, and I'm not coming home, I have a job here, one I'm actually enjoying, and I'm happy... So no, I won't be writing a series of fiction for Hunter's publishing house..." Her tone was razor sharp, a bite in her voice that she hadn't heard in a while; it felt both comforting and strange. She breathed out, feeling lighter for having gotten it off her chest, yet irritation still simmered below the surface.

"Stop this nonsense Regina, you've had your fun, proved your point, now come home... Come home and do what you were supposed to... Make your Father proud..." Regina ripped the phone from her ear, immediately jabbing at the end call button. Shoving the device into her pocket she pulled her bag up onto her shoulder, doubling her pace. The warmth of the late afternoon sun did nothing to lighten her mood.

She didn't want to think about him, about them, about anything outside the state of Maine. That wasn't her life anymore, this was. Everything was easier out here, the air was clearer untainted by all the things they told her she was supposed to be.

Teaching had always been her goal, and she was tired of apologizing for going after her dreams, and for actually succeeding... By twenty-two she had hoped she might have gained just a little of her mother's acceptance, let alone support; of course, there was no such luck.

#

The next few days were a blur of faces, always people to meet, people to teach, papers to mark and names to learn. Regina spent her recesses writing new worksheets, planning out her classes, setting new targets for midterms, and trying to deter Robin Loxely.

The other teacher always seemed to pop up, catching her at the worst possible moment, and refusing to leave her alone. By Wednesday her patience was wearing thin, shredded by the multiple missed calls from her mother and the absence of blonde hair and green eyes in her last period each day. She assumed the girl, Emma, was sick, though she still couldn't help but feel a little guilty. The day they'd spoken she'd been like a rabbit caught in headlights, and Regina felt somehow responsible for her absence.

"Heard you run a pretty tight detention ship..." She was already rolling her eyes as an annoyingly familiar voice intruded on her lunchtime. Turning, she forced herself to smile.

"Well, it's not exactly the crochet club..." She let her gaze hold his for a second, catching the way his eyes strayed to her lips as she spoke.

She knew that Robin wasn't actually that terrible. Sure, he was sleazy, kind of desperate, and everything every other boy at college had been, and he had no idea that he was chasing after something that was never going to happen. 

"You didn't come on the staff night out last night, I know you're still new around here, but it's open house, the others aren't as boring as they seem, I promise."

  
Regina gave him what she hoped was a polite laugh, "I'm sure they're not, but I was busy."

Her response was curt, she knew that. Her mother often told her she was abrasive, yet in that moment, living up to her reputation really didn't matter. She had papers to grade, tests to set, and faced with doing it now when she had nothing better to do, or doing it later when she could be relaxing, she was clear with her intentions.

"You didn't strike me as shy, Regina..." His tone was too smooth and along with the use of her first name, she felt her patience fraying to breaking point. "Busy with work, or family, or your boyfriend, fiancé?" His eyes held hers, and she instantly knew where this was going.

"Not shy, busy. Not busy with anything in particular. I really should get on with these papers, I'll have another set after last period..." She knew she was being dismissive, but short of straight up telling him she wasn't interested, which was growing increasingly tempting, she didn't know what else to do.

"Are you always so... blunt?" His dark eyes were searching hers out again, and she shrugged.

"I think so, I don't see any point in beating around the bush." He nodded, and she could almost see his mentality written in his eyes - she was a challenge, and just like most, he thought he could win.

"You need to relax, I know a great bar..." Regina took a breath, about to cut him off, when her phone buzzed loudly against her desk, and for once, she was thankful for her mother.

"Oh, I have to take this... You don't mind do you?" She was already turning her back, not waiting for an answer, feigning hitting the accept call button before she held the phone to her ear.

"Hello Mother... I'm fine, I'm fine, no now isn't a bad time at all..." She kept talking to nobody until the click of the door told her he had gotten uncomfortable enough standing there listening to her conversation to leave. It had taken decidedly longer than she'd predicted. Tossing the phone back onto the desk, ignoring the missed call that flashed across the screen, Regina rubbed her temples.

#

There was no sign of Emma last period, and she gave her lesson, her eyes lingering on the empty seat at the back for too long.

Her fingers were wrapped loose around the steering wheel of her new car. The cab ride to the dealership had only worsened her mood - making small talk with a stranger was not high on her list of things to do.

Now, with the windows rolled down, the wind in her hair, she couldn't help but feel better than she had in days. Nothing in the small City seemed as big now she had her car, the black Mercedes she had pre-ordered as soon as she'd learned she had a job.

The prospect of a night of driving, her favorite music emanating softly through the stereo system seemed like the perfect remedy to her frustrations. Her mother, Robin, her missing student, with the wind in her hair and the smell of rain rolling in, they all melted away.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday rolled around, bringing with it a tangible change it the weather, Summer totally gone now, Autumn heavy in the sky. Color had littered Regina's drive to work, orange and dying greens, brilliant browns and golds.

Walking through the main corridor with hair that wasn't windswept from walking from the bus stop had felt like an achievement in itself, setting her day off to a good start. By last period, her mood only improved when a slender figure moved quietly into her usual seat in the back of the room.

The hour passed in a blur of concrete nouns, adjectives, and verbs. Hands were raised and questions answered, yet Regina felt like her eyes were never far from the green ones that refused to meet them. There was something intriguing about Emma, and Regina knew she was a little fascinated by her elusive student.

Emma was so different, with her hauntingly poignant work and evasive green eyes. She wanted to reach out to her, to see past the blush that crept onto her cheeks every time they spoke, and the wordless nods that answered most of her questions.

She didn't wait this time, crossing the room as the rest of the class filtered out around them, catching Emma at her desk, rather than asking her to stay back. The girl was busy packing her bag, struggling to wiggle her pad into the thin canvas, picking up a pen which she dropped again in surprise, instantly making Regina feel guilty.

"You're back..." She paused, picking up the sharpie and holding it out for the girl to take. "Did you find everything okay today? You missed quite a bit", she let softness seep into the words.

Pale fingers reached up to push blonde hair back from her face as she nodded.

"Was there anything you didn't follow? We went through some of the definitions quite quickly..." Regina pressed a little harder, wondering if she was actually looking for an answer, or just to hear her speak. As the girl looked up at her, green framed in thick lashes, she found herself staring back.

"I don't think so... I'll make up what I missed". Emma's voice was quiet, barely audible as the last of her classmates noisily made their way out the door.

Regina nodded her agreement, "You shouldn't have too much trouble, read the handouts and see me if anything's unclear." She let her gaze linger on Emma's for a second longer. Somehow, it felt too intimate, too personal now they were the only two people left in the room, and she looked away.

"Were you sick?" She couldn't help but ask as the girl was beginning to move towards the door. The answer didn't come immediately and Regina was about to repeat the question, wondering if she'd heard, when Emma glanced at her sideways, something hard passing across her face for barely a moment.

"Yes, but I'm fine now... Sorry I wasn't here, I just..." She trailed off.

"As long as you're feeling better, I know you'll catch up the work." She couldn't help but wonder what she was going to say, why she'd stopped. She wanted to ask, but settled instead for trying to give her what she hoped was a reassuring smile, as once again she was heading for the door.

"See you tomorrow, Emma." The name tasted strange on her tongue, sweet and foreign as it spilled from her lips. She found herself wanting to say it again, though she didn't. Instead she offered one last smile as with a final nod, the girl disappeared.

#

Friday came too quickly. The weeks somehow flying, a whole fortnight already passed since Regina had started her job at Storybrooke High, since she'd left behind her life in Miami.

Her heels clicked as she moved down the corridor. Her third-period class was no doubt writing profanities on the whiteboard and sitting behind her desk, but she'd been told that if she wanted to use the sports field she had to clear it with the gym teacher. A poem about Autumn seemed like a fair assessment piece. She wasn't naive enough to hope that her class would be inspired by golden leaves and bare branches, just that the fresh air might clear her headache.

She found the locker room easily enough, opting for the girls, hesitating for a second as she wondered if there was a protocol for this kind of thing. Chatter emanated from behind the door. She knocked loudly before she let herself in. She was instantly greeted by a sea of teenage bodies in various states of undress, girls leaning idly against benches, as gym shorts were pulled on and knee socks pulled up.

She navigated her way through the chaos, already hating the way the smell of sweat and chlorine dragged her back to her own high school days, and the class she had avoided so vehemently.

The Coach was easy enough to spot, sitting behind a desk in her office reading over a stack of unidentifiable pages. Regina knocked again, though her door was already open, and stepped inside. The woman was middle aged, her hair cropped short, her features rugged, and her skin even more so. She was exactly the kind of woman a younger Regina might have dreaded having for a gym teacher, but pushing that thought away, she fixed a smile on her face.

"Hi I'm Regina Mills, the new English teacher... I don't think we've met..."

The conversation was the same as it always was, _why Maine, how was she finding the school, the kids, wasn't the coffee machine in the staff room terrible?_

She agreed and protested in all the right places, thanking the coach kindly when she was told to use the field whenever she wanted. By the time she was moving back through the office door, the crush in the locker room had thinned out to just a few stragglers.

Her eyes were down as she picked her way around discarded shoes and various items of clothing, one of her heels catching in the drawstring of a bag. She shook it free and continued towards the door, and that was when she saw her.

Emma's back was to her but she recognized her instantly, the mass of impossibly silky looking golden curls tumbling down her back, her faded jeans hanging around her slender hips, an expanse of creamy pale skin exposed to her now she was shirtless.

Her eyes traced her back, the soft curve of her waist, the dimples just above the waistband of her jeans. Her skin was its usual paper pale, the color unbroken except for the black of her bra strap and a bruise on her side. It was the faded kind, still purple in places, though the edges washed out to tones of ugly brown, as it marred what looked like most of her left side.

Regina faltered as she studied it.

She was suddenly aware of her surroundings again, the locker room bleaching back into her vision,she was aware that she should stop, look away, yet she held on a second longer, dark eyes raking over her student's bare back.

She held on a second too long. She watched the ends of her blonde hair dance sideways, following them upwards until her dark eyes locked onto wide green ones. Regina didn't stay to see her reaction. Her cheeks burned as she set off again, her head down, long practiced steps carrying her out the door at a blistering pace. She didn't slow until she was back on the main corridor.

She'd been looking at one of her students, half dressed. She hated the way the thought felt to her, dirty, taboo, yet her cheeks burned and she couldn't deny it.

It wasn't attraction, she told herself that right away; it was curiosity, the concern of a teacher for her academically gifted but quiet student. The memory of golden hair tumbling down over parchment pale skin was still so raw, so fresh, and she tried to force it away as her classroom approached.

Emma was enchanting, beautiful but seemingly unreachable, and as much as Regina tried to deny it, she knew she was fascinated with her on some level. She had been since the night she had first read that paper, though she swore to herself that it was strictly professional.

The bruise was troubling. She continued down the corridor, though her mind was elsewhere, back on the ugly shades of purple and faded yellow she could still see so clearly on her side.

There was no real shape to it, just a large splash of color, nothing to distinguish where it might have come from. For a second Regina remembered the days Emma's seat in class had been empty, her mind grappling for a way the two events might have correlated. Something hard colliding with her right arm jostled her, and the thought slipped away.

The impact knocked her back, and she looked up, coming face to face with now familiar brown eyes.

  
"Robin... I'm sorry, I didn't see you coming..." The apology was already on her lips as she bent down to pick up the papers that she assumed had been in the Computer Science teacher's hands, and were now scattered all over the floor. She could feel the unfamiliar sensation of color threatening to leak into her cheeks yet again, and she silently demanded that she get a hold on herself.

Running into Robin like that made her feel somehow guilty for her thoughts. She felt like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't, and that in itself only unsettled her further.

"That's quite alright, Regina." He was giving her a fifty-kilowatt smile. Though she was busy gathering up the scattered pages, she could  feel it burning the skin exposed by her open blouse. "I'm sure I can think of a way you can make it up to me..." 

She'd been playing this game with Robin for two weeks now, all out evasive while he never got off the offensive. She felt for him in a way, his pursuing her was anything but subtle, yet his chances of success were non-existent.

"I helped you clear up, I'd say that puts us back even." She passed the papers back to him, straightening up to a stand, her dark eyes meeting his. He was wearing that same smile, the one she had seen so many times on so many boys, boys who were about to risk it all and ask her a question she knew they didn't want the answer to.

"Well, in that case, you could let me thank you for your help... Hear me out before you say no..." He was holding up a hand as if to silence her, his lopsided grin playful. His eyes held hers, trying to read her reaction before it came.

 "There's a club on the outside of town. Not like anything you'd get in the city of course, but it's local, I knew a few of the people out there, it's reasonably classy at a decent price... You need to get to know the neighborhood right?" He let the question hang and just as she opened her mouth to reply, he started to speak again hurriedly, anticipating her rejection. "It would be a friendly thing, consider it a welcome to Arlington party, Saturday is usually a pretty good night..."

Regina tried to let him down as close to easy as someone with as little patience as herself could manage.

"Saturday doesn't work for me, but thanks for asking." She looked past him towards her classroom door, the noise level spilling out of it far higher than she'd like, so she moved to sidestep him. He stepped back into her way, ducking his head, looking down at her trying to catch her eyes.

"You sure I can't even tempt you with a couple of cocktails? My treat?" She smiled politely though she knew it was tight, hardly reaching her eyes.

"I'm not a big cocktail drinker, and I have plans on Saturday, but the offer is kind..." She barely paused for a second, not giving him a chance for another embarrassingly moot attempt. "I think my class is having some kind of party in there, I'm going to have to get back,  but it was good to see you Robin."

Moving neatly past him, she strode away towards her rowdy class, not looking back. She was calmer now, the awkward exchange somehow putting her back together, making her feel real again, solid, though she knew, the thoughts of Emma were temporarily gone, but by no means forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

Thursday was a good day. She was settling into a routine and days seemed to slip away effortlessly. For so long this had been a dream, and now, it was reality, it was her life. She was a teacher.

Another phone call from her mother hadn't come as a surprise, more talk of publishers and playing silly games and points that had been proven. After that particular call, Regina ignored the barrage that followed, clicking away the missed calls that lined up on her screen without much of a second thought.

She'd always tried to tolerate her only living parent, to respect her as a daughter should, yet when she just preached nonsense, it was becoming increasingly difficult. Even at twenty two she still didn't understand the way her parents had reacted to her career choice. She was a success, every paper she wrote was graded highly, she was on the honor roll graduating college, and now she had gotten herself a decent paid job, in a respected enough school. She was a success yet as long as she didn't bend to their will, she'd be a failure in their eyes. The part of her that cared was buried deep enough that most nights it didn't cost her any sleep.

Storybrooke, Maine wasn't much. The city that it bordered was more, though it was just another city, another place, another life. The air was less humid, everything less sticky, less oppressive, but the traffic still bothered her in the mornings, people still looked at her oddly when she rode the bus, she was still Regina.

She still liked her own company and kept notebooks full of words that nobody would ever get to read. She was still the daughter of two famous authors who had no desire to write for a paycheck. 

Some days did long to know more people, maybe even have a few friends here, someone other than Robin Loxely willing to go with her to a bar, see a show at the theatre, visit some of the tourist spots she knew were out there but never cared to frequent alone. Still, just being here, being able to teach, to be who she wanted to be, it was enough for her.

The large television she'd bought flashed away in the corner of her still wholly unfurnished living room. The sofa was comfier now, the cushions relaxed, molding into the frame, and every night she sat there, it felt more like it was hers. Though boxes littered the house and she'd only unpacked half her clothes, somehow now, it was her home.

There were papers in her lap - there were always papers, though her pen didn't move over them, she was too lost in her thoughts.

Green eyes watched her in class, she was more aware of them now. The first time she'd caught them looking up she'd been surprised. For the first fortnight of their hourly meetings at the end of each day, Emma never looked at her, she barely glanced up to read the board. The change made part of Regina feel accomplished, the fact that the girl's confidence seemed to be growing, the fact that she found what she taught worth looking up for now. It was an achievement, it meant she had connected with a student, or at least put her at ease, because despite their few brief conversations, Emma still felt like the most distant thing in the world. The amount of time she spent pondering those green eyes also made her uncomfortable. 

It would creep up unbidden, uninvited, seeping into the moments she didn't remember how she had previously filled. It was strange to her, her fascination with the girl, taboo even in her own head.

Something was lurking behind a thin curtain, and as beguilingly curious as she was to lay eyes on it, to be able to call it by name, fear kept it hidden from view and left her alone to wonder what exactly had her so curious.

Emma was fascinating; she’d acknowledged that much. The girl held some kind of allure for her, she made her wonder, she made her care enough to look twice, and for Regina that was a rarity in itself. She seemed like a creature of habit, yet Regina struggled to find rhyme or reason in her impossibly green eyes, her sparing use of words, the bruise painted onto her skin.

She was beautiful; even though that alone made something heavy and awkward settle in Regina’s stomach, she couldn’t deny it. If she saw her on the street, in a different town, in another life, she knew she’d think it. She was just so effortless, so perfect with little application. Make up never clung to her flawless creamy skin, her eyes shone bright enough under only the cheap lighting in the classroom. She thought her student beautiful, haunting, fascinating… Suddenly all this was getting too hard, she was dancing too close to the curtain and she forced herself to backtrack.

She was professional. She had always been accountable, everything she had done had been hers and hers alone, no support from family, no friends that cared further than someone to drink tequila with when life got hard. She was her own creation, she made her luck and she had landed herself here. All her adult life Regina had been in control, though it was hard fought for with her Mother.

When it came to the girl in the back of her class, the feelings that rippled through her at the mention of her name, the sight of her, she was less than in charge.

Emma was easily becoming a guilty pastime, the minutes spent wondering over her, pondering the elusive creature that she was, the bright green spot always dancing in the side of her view.

Regina knew she had worked too hard, come too far, she wouldn’t risk it all, couldn’t risk it all. She was left wondering what she was even thinking of risking it for? Emma was her student, she was classed as a minor, she was in her care. Although, she was curious about her, although she longed to see her flourish, to hear her speak more openly, confidently, to stand in the gaze of green eyes that could hold hers without retreating back to the ground, she reassured herself it was no more than a professional desire.

It was all so frustrating, so endless, and the pen in her hand was heavy now, the thoughts still tugging at her consciousness, refusing to leave her alone. Releasing a soft sigh, Regina tossed the pen to the side, dumping the papers onto the cushion beside her.

She needed to do something other than sit there and drown again in thoughts that were starting to feel more and more illicit, more and more inappropriate. Pushing herself up and shoving her feet into her shoes, she walked around the sofa and headed for the front door. Grabbing her car keys from their hook, not bothering to change out of dark yoga pants and an oversize college hoody, she headed out into the dark.

 

#

The fluorescent lights overhead were familiar, comforting. Being in the grocery store felt normal, safe - a welcome reprieve from sitting on her sofa thinking until her head was too tangled to make sense of her thoughts.

Regina moved easily through the aisles. Usually she'd be frustrated, wanting to be more efficient in her shopping, but tonight, she was unhurried. The slap of her flats on polished tile, her change in temperature as she moved from shelf to freezer, they all provided a welcome distraction. She realized with surprise that it had been months since she'd last done a real shop, usually settling for a few hurried items from the corner store instead.

This felt good somehow, grown up, and she carried on at a leisurely pace.

She'd come for a nice bottle of cider, something to provide some much needed enjoyment, maybe a little distraction, something to pull her out of her head.

She hovered around the meals for one, the kind with the clear plastic that needed to be hole punched before the tray was tossed into the microwave to churn out an instant dinner. It seemed almost sad to buy them, her Mother's voice sneered in her head, and defiantly she selected what looked like a safe pasta dish, hating herself for it. Turning, she noticed she was no longer alone between the freezers.

Across the space someone else was leaning over the high plastic side of the freezer and selecting TV dinners, piling them into their cart in neat little stacks of two, long blonde hair falling down over slender shoulders.

Regina's heart jumped painfully, shock and realization crashing over her in barely half a second. Even with the girl's back to her she recognized her without a shadow of a doubt.

Part of her logical brain was immediately asking what Emma was doing at the store buying a weeks worth of TV dinners at past eleven o'clock at night, another part of her was almost holding her breath, determined to sneak away, unseen.

As she watched her bend to retrieve more cardboard covered trays, Regina instantly questioned why she was so concerned with being seen, with saying a friendly hello to her student before going on her way. Once again she was shaken by the effect Emma seemed to have on her.

Breathing out, forcing herself back under control she began to move sideways, reaching up to push her dark hair back behind her ear, her single item clutched to her chest ready to walk away, quickly.

In her peripheral vision she could still see her, the same dark denim jeans she had worn to school clinging to her legs, cream sneakers with the red laces, and a navy blue parker covering her slim frame. As she took her first step forward, her eyes lingered over her flank, even through her clothes she could imagine the ugly fading bruise there in her head, she could still see the soft dip of her waist and the dimples at the small of her back. She pushed herself forward, setting off at a rapid pace.

The sole of her shoe squeaked against the smooth tile underfoot and no sooner had she moved to make a run for it, Emma jumped visibly, turning around, her green eyes searching for the source of the noise in the mostly deserted store.

Their eyes locked across the space and she could already see the flush creeping up Emma's neck as she glanced down to the meals in her hand and back to her teacher. The moment was charged and Regina debated just walking away.

"Emma... I didn't see you there... Hello..." Her voice was full of gravel, scratchy from under use after her night spent alone. Immediately uncomfortable with how informal her words sounded, she cleared her throat.

Emma replied, a small "Hi..." leaving her lips, bashful as ever. With the quiet of her voice, it was apparent how socially bizarre it was for them to be having  a conversation across such a large space.

Reaching up again to smooth her hair Regina, took a few steps across the empty space, stopping close to her student.

"You're...shopping" She peered over at the cart, a few bottles of OJ, dog food and TV dinners, and instantly the question that formed in her head fell from her lips.

"Are you here with your mom?" Part of her instantly warmed to this idea, hoped it was true. The arrival of a parent on the scene would be uncomfortable in a way she could deal with, a way she could be professional about, a way she had more control over than her current situation.

Something fluttered in her chest when Emma shook her head, the tips of her blonde hair dancing beside her elbows. The corner of her mouth tightened just a fraction, making Regina wonder if she was wrong to ask.

"Well, it's late and tomorrow's a school day, do you prefer doing the grocery shop after dark?" What was meant to be a joke sounded too judgmental, too much like an adult scolding a child, before Regina reminded herself that's what they were. Thin pink lips pulled up and though the expression was barely visible, under the harsh glare of the lights, Regina caught it.

"The lines aren't as long at this time and there are seats left on the bus." Her words were quiet as ever, pale fingers clutching the boxed meals. Regina nodded her agreement, it made sense yet it still felt somehow strange to her, though she was far from trusting in her judgement when it came to anything to do with this particular member of her class.

"Well, that's a good point, still, I should let you get going, we're having a quiz tomorrow, I don't want you falling asleep last period..." Her tone was light even though her heart felt like it was beating too fast. Once again was annoyed by her own words. She seemed intent on emphasizing the divide between them, student and teacher, adult and minor, making them separate when part of her knew, that she should be trying to connect with her students, especially one as able as Emma.

Feeling the unfamiliar awkwardness settling around them, she offered her one last smile and turned, already mentally searching the signs she had seen, wondering where the hell they were hiding the cider in the store.

"Wait..." A small but surprisingly firm voice cut through her thoughts, stopping Regina dead in her tracks, she paused, faltered, drawing in a breath before she turned around.

Emma took a step forward, her eyes dipped, almost apologetic and Regina's heart stuttered in reaction to the proximity, speeding up to race and tripping into free fall as pale fingers reached out. Her mind was screaming at her, questions she couldn't answer, questions for her body, why she was so keyed up, why she reacted like this?

Emma's hand closed around the TV dinner that she held to her chest, and Regina let it go, watching, intrigued as she took it, walking back to its place and returning it to the shelf, before she retrieved a similar shaped box from the other side of the aisle.

"Those ones taste really terrible..." The words fell out with a tiny shrug and the ghost of a smile as she held out the same dish by a different brand for her to take.

Regina watched her own fingers close around the new box, a small huff of a laugh leaving her lips as her eyes rose to green ones. The eye contact felt heavy, loaded, it made her heart beat impossibly harder and her lungs feel set to burst, yet something stopped her from looking away. The moment lingered too long.

"You're the TV dinner connoisseur huh?" Her voice was half a tone higher, which both surprised and terrified her as she internally chastised herself - what she had meant to say was _thank you very much and see you tomorrow_. Emma blushed a pretty pink and just shrugged again and Regina turned the dinner over in her hands.

"Well, I'll give this a try then, thanks..." She recovered some of her usual tenor but her voice still sounded strange to her in a way she couldn't pin down. She watched her student nod again, captivated by the way she was smiling now, a definite smile that couldn't be denied. It was the first Regina had seen. The expression reached right up her face, creasing the corners of her eyes, making them look warm, a deeper green, the kind of green Regina thought she could happily drown in.She checked herself, again.

"I should... go, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow?" Part of her was appalled by the way she made what should have been a simple declarative into a question. Emma bit on her lip, apparently amused as she nodded her agreement.

"Goodnight, Emma. Get home safe." The returned words wishing her a good night, their soft tones, chased her down the aisle as she strode away, positive that her cheeks were burning beneath her Miami darkened complexion.

The woman she had just been wasn't her, she wasn't the same person who had played boys like they were a redundant sport in college, who had rocked every interview, who was a consummate professional... She had been a blundering stumbling teenager, tongue tied under the gaze of her crush. _Crush_... The word was so juvenile, so below her, it made her heart stutter in an all together less pleasurable way, disgust, fear. As she rounded the corner to the liquor aisle, she shoved those thoughts away, hard.

She forced herself to concentrate more than was necessary on choosing a cider. She read labels studiously, picking up bottles and placing them back down until she was sure enough time had passed for Emma to check out and leave, and for her to get a grip on herself. Settling for two bottles of moderately expensive brew, she moved to the end of the shelves, glancing down the row of checkouts for any sign of blonde and green, before she stepped out and headed over to a register.


	5. Chapter 5

A glance out the window told Regina a storm was coming, forming just out of view under a blanket of heavy gray cloud. The air had been humid on her short walk outside at lunchtime and with the warm front meeting the cold, she had feared a thunderstorm might be the result.

Dragging her focus back to the task in hand, she nodded her approval at an answer she hadn't heard and asked the next question of her final period class.

"So if the first article is informative, what style is the second written in?" Hands went up and she was about to pick a boy in the second row when she noticed a shift towards the back of the class. A few students glanced sideways, some even turned their heads, and as Regina followed their gaze, she realized why. For the first time since her arrival, since ever, judging by the reaction, Emma had raised her hand.

Regina was taken back to the previous night in the supermarket, the tiny exchange that had refused to leave her alone as she'd drove home, drank the cider, laid in bed - the shine on her hair and the light in her eyes when she smiled a real smile. It felt surreal, like the whole thing had taken place in a parallel universe, or perhaps in her head, but with green eyes fixed on her, she knew it had been real.

"Emma..." Her voice was surprisingly even and she had barely gotten to congratulate herself on that before Emma was speaking and something in her chest was fluttering, nerves and guilt and excitement, and the moment was lost.

"Good, persuasive." Regina repeated the correct answer and moved on, turning her back to write an unnecessary list on the board just to give herself something to do. Whatever she was thinking, feeling about Emma was getting out of control. The pen moved easily over the board, but  even in the words that it formed, Regina found no reassurance.

Emma resonated with her on an unidentifiable level, she was interesting to her, beautiful, and all that was hard enough for her to deal with. The shift in the atmosphere between them, the raising of her hand in class, they should have been positive things, signs that she was getting more comfortable, yet they just made Regina panic.

Turning back to face the class, she told herself that Emma was just connecting with her as her teacher, as a role model, though as green eyes found her, daring to hold her gaze for just a second before they looked away, she had an ominous feeling it was more.

  
#

  
Rain pounded against the windscreen. Another crack of lightning made Regina jump, her hands tightening on the wheel until her knuckles turned white.

She'd grown up always curious as to why she had no answer to the question of what she was afraid of; as a child, she was afraid of nothing, except her Mother. The thunder rolled overhead and she kept her dark eyes on the road, the small town of Storybrooke bleached out into shades of gray by the ominous storm clouds, so similar to the ones that night.

They'd called it a freak accident, a man caught in a microburst, a tragedy. Some said it was a case of the wrong place at the wrong time; all fourteen-year-old Regina had known was that it meant her Father was dead.

Part of her knew it was illogical to be afraid and that the odds of lightning striking a tree that would fall on her car and kill her as it had him, were minuscule, but her fear wasn't rational. Focusing on the road, she wished desperately to once again be the girl who was afraid of nothing, to have the weakness her Father's death had bestowed on her retracted, though it was impossible.

It was unnaturally dark for the time of day and the rain tumbled from the sky, landing hard against the cars metal exterior, an offset to the racing of her heartbeat. Traffic moved slowly and frustrated she turned off the main road to the other side of town, convinced she could make her own way through the residential areas and get home quicker, lock her door and hide from the storm sooner.

In the midst of all the gray something up ahead was colorful, a flash of blonde and navy blue moving slowly along the sidewalk heading towards the park entrance. Regina was almost past the figure when she recognized her as Emma. Her already racing heartbeat stuttered, and suddenly she wasn't just afraid for herself. She was afraid for the girl, afraid for what she knew she was about to do. She didn't give herself time to question it, or go over the tens of reasons why this was a bad idea.

Lightning cracked across the sky again, an omniscient camera flash, and she pulled the car over to the curb. Forcing herself to release her hold on the wheel, she rubbed her palms on her slacks, restoring the circulation as she watched in the rearview, tracking Emma's approach.

Dark eyes noted the way her slender body bent forward against the wind, her hair whipping around her face, arms clutching her bag and the navy parka to her body as she moved towards the opposite side of the pavement, giving the car a wide berth. Part of Regina told her that it was a sign, that she should wait for her to pass and just drive home, lock the door and lie in bed with a bottle of cider until the storm was over. A bigger part of her refused to listen.

"Emma..." Her voice was lost to the wind as she rolled down her window and called out to her, leaning back as droplets of rain that were blown into the car.

"Emma... Emma..." finally, just as she passed the open window, the girl stalled, turning. Their eyes met for a second before Regina gestured for her to come closer. The rain hammered down around her and Regina rolled up the window, eager to keep it out as Emma moved against the wind to the car door and hovered there.

Green eyes looked at her through water-blurred glass and Regina reached over and opened the door.

"Do you need a ride?" She still had to shout to be heard over the storm, and she wished desperately that Emma would just get in and close the door. As the girl glanced around then back at her warily, she knew nothing could be that simple.

"It's not safe out here, let me give you a ride, I'm going that way anyway..." Regina gestured to the road up ahead as she waited for the girl to comply. A shaky breath left her lips as finally, Emma slid down into the seat, her bag clutched in her arms as she pulled the door closed behind her.

Suddenly, there was quiet, broken only by the hammering of the rain on the roof and the occasional growl of the thunder. In that quiet, with so little space between them now, Regina could really look at her.

Rain ran off the ends of her hair, blonde turned a rich caramel by the water. Her cheeks were paler than usual, though Regina could already see the color coming back into them - whether that was from the heat in the car or just the fact that they were in a car together, she didn't know.

"Here, take this off, your soaking..." Without thinking she was reaching across the space between them to pull gently at the faded parka, her fingers finding the wet material before she realized what she was doing and yanked her hand away.

This could all be so terribly misconstrued, so easily read into, and she forced herself not to do any of that as she watched slim pale fingers work each button until the soaking material was shrugged off her shoulders.

"Where do you live?" She asked the question softly as she took the coat and turned to spread it across the backseat to dry, trying to ignore how small Emma seemed in just a thin turquoise sweater.

"The other side of the park... Thank you..."

Regina was nodded automatically, her hands tightening back around the wheel as she pulled the car away from the curb. Her fear that had been momentarily forgotten with Emma's arrival was rapidly returning. No words were spoken, she didn't know what to say. As she pulled up to a set of traffic lights, part of her was growing restless, telling her to be professional, to speak, to say something, anything to break the silence.

  
Lightning lit up the street ahead and Regina jumped, her breath catching audibly with surprise. Her elbows extended, locking her back against the seat as anxiously, she waited for the light to turn green. Curious eyes were on her, she could feel them burning into the side of her face and she was instantly embarrassed by her own display of weakness.

"You don't like storms..." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No" her own admission surprised her. She was relieved as traffic up ahead began to move.

"Do you have any plans for the evening?" It was small-talk at best, but somehow listening to Emma speak, it was easier than driving along in silence, frozen by fear.

"Not really..."

Regina risked a sideways glance, relieved that the girl was more concerned with looking out the window than at her.

"Just dinner with your family?" She didn't know why she was pressing when Emma clearly didn't mind the silence, but the question was already asked and so she waited for the answer.

Emma didn't answer right away, shifting in her seat uncomfortably, her slim frame turning away slightly, though her eyes were dragged back from the window by the question.

"My Dad's out of town... Nobody's home, so it will be just me..." Her voice was quiet, though Regina didn't detect any sadness, and she simply nodded in response.

"So that's how you learned your way around the frozen foods aisle?" She asked the question in a lighter tone, a soft smirk on her face as she glanced sideways at the girl through her lashes, barely realizing what she was doing until Emma was snickering softly in response.

"I guess so... It just seems pointless to cook for one..."

This was more information than she had hoped for and she nodded her agreement.

"It's also not productive to cook if said cooking would have to take place in a kitchen that still hasn't been unpacked after months..." Regina replied.

She was sharing parts of her life that were private, parts that should be off limits to a student, yet there was something about Emma that had her lips uncharacteristically loose. With Robin, with other members of staff, the judgmental neighbor next door and the young guy at the grocery store that always undercharged her, she never felt any desire to let them know her, to let them see her for what she was, rather than the shell she presented to the rest of the world.

  
With Emma it wasn't a conscious desire, it was just something that seemed to have happened effortlessly, half without her permission, and half with it - though that wasn't something she'd care to admit to herself.

"So you eat TV dinners a lot?" She pushed a little further, curious, and caught Emma glancing across at her, something in her expression suddenly wary. She didn't reply for a beat, and as Regina rounded a corner she was scared she had asked too much.

"My dad is gone a lot of the time... business trips..." The second part seemed to be added as an afterthought, but Regina simply nodded, saying nothing.

She could feel words forming on her tongue, an idea collecting itself somewhere just outside of her view, ready to come hurtling into her conscious with such force that she would be powerless to do anything but execute it. Anticipation made something deep in her chest tingle, a sliver of excitement making dangerous cocktail in her blood. Just as she realized what she was about to say, her lips were already forming the words.

"I was just going to grab a take out, there's a really good noodle bar at the waterfront, we could pick some up before I drop you off if you like? Pretty sure their food beats TV dinners..."

It was completely inappropriate. It was just a friendly offer, a teacher caring for her student's welfare. Regina's insides battled as she continued to drive. If she didn't have such good self-control, she would blush.

"That... I don't want you to go out of your way..." Emma trailed off and she felt a hot pang of rejection shoot down all her warm fuzzy excitement, and she was about ready to brush the suggestion off when Emma spoke again.

"That does sound really nice... I like noodles..." The admission was almost shy and Regina found herself smiling in response, adding a simple "Me too", as she took her dark eyes off the road for a second, glancing across the car to meet green ones.  She made a left at the next set of lights, ignoring the discomfort in her stomach as she did.

By the time they pulled up to the drive through window, Emma's hair was beginning to dry into loosely curled tendrils, her bag on the floor by her feet, her smile still nervous though her eyes glittered with something Regina couldn't place.

Swallowing thickly, she promised herself she would pick up two boxes of noodles and then take the girl home, immediately.

Having frequented the healthy Chinese restaurant, despite having only recently arrived in Storybrooke, Regina knew what she wanted, though Emma seemed undecided. Green eyes lingered on the menu boards as they waited in line before she leaned forward to rummage in her bag, producing a small black wallet before Regina stopped her.

"My treat... Let's call it a thank you for the amazing first assignment and giving me some hope that I could achieve something worthwhile here." The words poured out honest and sincere, though part of her was once again uncomfortable with the idea of buying Emma anything, words like bribery and coercion cycling in her mind. She let it go.

"I'm glad you liked it... It was... It wasn't that good, but thank you." Regina just smiled at her modesty and how her cheeks flushed a deeper pink at having been complemented.

Turning her eyes back to the menus, she leaned towards Emma slightly to get a better view as she made some suggestions. "The sweet box is my favorite... The sauce is tangy, but it has peanuts... you're not allergic to peanuts right?"

Emma shook her head in response and Regina nodded her relief, "Well that's something... My first aid training feels like a lifetime ago, I'd hate to be dealing with that on..." She faltered, horrified, and terrified. She was about to reference a date, she knew it. Though her mind denied it vehemently. Rattled, she settled for adding "A night like this".

Thunder rolled, reminding her of the weather. She was amazed at how at ease she felt, or at least had felt, until her near slip. This wasn't a date, Emma wasn't dating material, she was her student, though the Freudian slip only confirmed Regina's fears and had her resolving to be more cautious, to keep a closer eye on her feelings.

Emma seemed to sense the shift in mood, the smile dying on her lips, her eyes finding her fingers in her lap.

"The sweet box is really good..." She repeated the words, as if to set the record straight, about to move on to the merits of the Pad Thai curry, though she was cut short as Emma was already nodding.

"Okay", she confirmed with a smile, turning back to the windscreen as the line of cars moved ahead and she could drive to the window and place their orders.

The food came quickly, the cartons red hot as Regina passed the across the console to Emma and pulled out of the restaurant. "The water is pretty today..." Emma's voice sounded far away, dreamy. Regina marveled a little bit at the fact that she had said anything at all without prompting.

She threw a glance out to the water that was just visible over the high barriers on either side of the bridge they were on. It looked grey, it's usually smooth surface thrown into chaos as droplets of rain spattered it here and there sending out ripples that ran into ripples. The scene wasn't beautiful in a cheerfully picturesque sense of the word, but it was captivating, beautiful in it's own gloomy way. It almost reminded Regina of Emma's very first essay - tragically beautiful.

"It is." She agreed easily, her knuckles only tightening on the wheel momentarily as thunder clapped overhead again. Emma was some kind of antidote to the paralysis her fear usually brought. Since she had been fourteen, it had been crippling, yet bathed in the presence of sun-lightened hair and green eyes, suddenly, it could barely hold her.

"We can go eat by the water if you'd like? I know a place."

The offer was inappropriate, the little spot she had scouted out the first night she got her car was hardly a place she should be taking her seventeen year old student, yet the way Emma peered intently out through the glass, the way green eyes turned to her, shy but grateful, as she nodded; Regina was powerless to resist.

#

"It really is good... Thank you... You didn't have to..." Emma trailed off embarrassed and Regina laughed.

She'd spent the last five minutes watching her wrestle a single noodle between her chopsticks and to her lips, though trying to be polite, she hadn't commented on her apparent cutlery issues.

Things were growing easier between them. How enthralled Emma had been with her little spot on the bank of the water, how she'd spoken so easily about the scenery and how good the noodles smelled, it left Regina wanting more. She was fascinated and captivated with how she had so suddenly unlocked, transitioning from the wordless presence at the back of her class, to the girl who sat beside her now, chopsticks clicking together as yet more noodles escaped.

"Do you need a fork?" She let a hint of laughter color her tone, as her dark eyes found crystal green, amused when Emma shook her head.

  
"You know, the only reason I'm so good with these things is because my parents were big take out lovers too... I mean, between writing the next fiction best seller, and some super critical non-fiction piece, cooking was always way down the list..." Regina collected another bite of noodles, clasping them into one easy little bite-sized package and popping them into her mouth as she felt Emma lifting her head to look at her.

"Your parents are writers?" She sounded genuinely curious, and Regina nodded, unwilling to make the correction that one of them no longer was.

"That must be wonderful... Do you ever read what they write?" The question was simple enough, and Regina swallowed the unease that anything concerning her life back in Miami, her Father, seemed to bring, along with the noodles as she answered.

  
"I read something my Father wrote once, I was young..." She trailed off for a second, remembering pushing one of the chairs from her mother's heavy oak dining set up against the book case to reach the top shelf. "The material was sort of dark... Scary for a kid... I never snuck out any of his books again."

Emma laughed softly, and Regina looked down at her noodles, pleased with how her laughter sounded.

"Does he still write dark things?" Emma asked the question and Regina's words were suddenly caught in her throat. She didn't look up right away, though she could feel eyes on the skin of her cheek, not expectant, not judging, just the gentle presence that personified Emma - she wasn't alone, but she wasn't under any kind of pressure either.

"My Father died in a freak thunderstorm when I was fourteen..." Regina trailed off, twirling her chopsticks in her carton before Emma began to stutter out an apology.

"Don't be sorry..." She replied quickly, though her tone wasn't harsh. "We didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things... Most things..." She added the last part with a nostalgic smile as she met the other girl's gaze. "Despite that, he was my Father, I loved him... He loved to write, all he ever wanted was for me to be a writer..."

The over-sharing was so atypical for her, yet she didn't even notice her own forthcoming. The words were flowing so easily now, unhindered in a way they never were when spoken - this kind of admission was reserved only for her notebooks, yet for Emma, the words seemed happy to spill out.

"Why didn't you become a writer?" The question came, just as she knew it would, punctuated with a soft breathy sigh as yet more noodles slipped through the grip of the thin sticks clutched in thin fingers.

"I wanted to teach... I wanted to teach other people how to write, how to enjoy writing as much as I do."

She had given reason enough and letting the topic go Regina reached across the space and stilled Emma's hands, setting her own carton on the dashboard.

"You just need to change your grip a little..." Her own fingers wrapped around cool, paler ones, and she gently unwound and rewound them around the sticks until they were held with the correct leverage. "Alright, try now, and if not, you're using a fork before it goes cold."

Emma laughed and blushed, and Regina couldn't help but laugh too, the sound lighter than anything she'd heard pass her lips since... a time she could no longer remember.

#

With the noodles gone, Emma's chopsticks tossed back in the paper bag as trash in favor of a fork, Regina leaned back in her seat, glancing over at the girl.

"I have a question..."

Emma just looked back at her, mirroring her position, her blonde hair falling down over her shoulder, her green eyes translucent in the lights that were cast on them from across the water.

"At school, you're so..." Regina paused searching for a word, before Emma provided it for her, "Quiet?"

They both laughed a little, before Regina nodded her agreement, "I suppose that's one word for it..." She let her statement linger for a few seconds, surprised and pleased with how easy things had become between them in the short time they'd spent in her car, her dark eyes studying the girl's face. "Why?"

Emma's lips twisted into a tight smile as she glanced down at the space between them for a second, giving a little shrug, before her eyes flitted back up, "I never know what to say?"

Regina couldn't help but laugh again, though Emma had literally just stated what she should have assumed the obvious, she understood.

"Good answer", she conceded offering the girl a wry smile that quickly warmed to crease her eyes as they held each other's gaze through the dim light.

"You're a really good teacher", Emma complimented with a shrug and Regina smiled to herself, running her fingers through her hair.

"Well, I'm glad you think so..." the moment was heavy, the silence after the words loaded, laden with something as Emma bobbed her head to agree that she did.

Regina knew that she couldn't look up, couldn't look across at the girl, something told her it would be a bad move, a dangerous one, yet like most things forbidden she just seemed to want it more.

Her heart was beating a little faster again and she felt herself losing the battle, so she spilled out another question, something, anything to smooth over whatever was swelling between them, rippling and rising to a point where she couldn't even deny it.

"What do you want to do after you graduate?" Looking up when there was no reply. Her eyes caught Emma's their gazes somehow locked now, though Regina's fell to her lips as she replied.

"I want to be happy..."

The answer was atypical, but she was starting to realize most things about Emma Swan were. She was extraordinary in all the ways Regina cared for.

"That's a very good thing to want..." Her words were barely above a whisper, her voice lower, raspy, nerves and anticipation tightening around her throat as her dark eyes locked back onto green.

Seconds ticked by, punctuated by their soft breaths, by gradually more and more color creeping into Emma's cheeks, though this time, she didn't look away.

Regina wanted to kiss her, it was undeniable now. Her lips tingled in anticipation of the contact. Everything in her strained to move forward, slowly, to run her fingers through soft blonde hair, cup a pink cheek and let her lips show her all the things that made no sense in words. Something held her locked in place, preventing her from doing anything but staring and wanting.

Resisting was pointless, the way the hairs on the back of her neck were standing up told her that, the five years that separated them, her classroom at the highschool, melted away.

She was enthralled and terrified and seeing questions forming in Emma's emerald eyes, suddenly she could move again, desperate now to take the moment before it was frittered away, lost to the wind that whipped rain around the car.

She leaned in slowly, her lips throbbing as she heard Emma's breath catch in her throat, though she didn't pull away. This was right, this was what she'd wanted, needed. Emma was what she needed and all the doubt was suddenly gone as she gave into the gravity that brought them closer. Their lips were an inch apart, Regina could feel soft puffs of air against hers that sounded in time with the rise and fall of Emma's chest.

Green eyes stayed on hers, following them, until finally, with rarely a hair's breadth between them, they fell closed. Regina's heart stuttered in anticipation.

The honking cut through the silence, severing their moment, ending it right before it began, before their lips could touch. Emma jumped at the sound, her eyes flying open, a pale hand reaching out to grab Regina's arm. Feeling insanely guilty, like a criminal caught red handed, she jumped away too.

The car alarm continued to wail in the distance and Regina took a few seconds to catch her breath, looking down at the pale fingers that were wrapped around her wrist, before Emma mumbled an apology and pulled them away.

She looked up to meet her eyes but they were hidden, her blonde hair falling down like a sheet of gold, covering her expression as she studied her hands in her lap. They had almost kissed. Regina's head spun with the implications of that thought, with the thrill of being so close to her, the feeling when her eyes fluttered close, the surprise of how much, how badly she had wanted it.

She tried to speak, having to clear her throat to get any words to come out.

"It's okay. There's a parking lot back near the food outlets, that must be where it's coming from... We should get you home it's getting late."

Emma glanced up for just a second, a flash of something, hurt, maybe disappointment, crossing her face, before she looked away again and nodded her agreement.


	6. Chapter 6

Regina had driven Emma home right away after the almost kiss on Friday night, her weekend spent finally unpacking some of the boxes littering her house and trying not to think about the girl.

She made her way down the main corridor at Storybrooke High, towards her classroom. Last period had come around too fast, and although she was determined to see the hour through professionally, part of her was nervous to be back under the gaze of the green eyes that had made her lose her head just days earlier.

She strode into her room, placing her coffee on her desk, and she steadied herself. Ready to begin, she noticed something out of place towards the back of her room.

Emma was there, she noted that instantly. Her green eyes were on her, unobtrusive as ever, though today, they felt like lasers on her skin. In front of the girl's desk, Robin Loxely was perched on a table, talking to a group of students, who quickly began to disperse as they realized their teacher had arrived.

"Mr Loxely... Did you come to study some Shakespeare?" Her tone was conversational, though inwardly she groaned - this was the last thing she needed.

"I was actually just checking in with David here about his assignment, but if you're offering to teach me some, Miss Mills, I'd be willing to listen." He raised an eyebrow at her and Regina instantly hated his tone, smug, too playful for the audience of teenagers that were pretending not to watch.

"Talk amongst yourselves..." She made the demand before she turned stormy eyes back to Robin.

"Is there something I can help you with?" The words were friendly but professional, brusque in a way that she was all too familiar with being, when it came to the other teacher.

"Actually, there is... Friday night at MJs, we'll drink, we'll dance, we'll get you out of whatever place you spend all your nights apparently hiding away..." His voice was soft, the volume lowered, though Regina still found his discussing such a personal matter in front of her students offensive.

Emma's head snapped up, Regina saw the movement in her peripheral vision, and instantly realized, she had been far more inappropriate with a student, _almost_.

Though Emma looked away quickly, Regina could still feel her gaze, she could feel that she was watching to them, listening. Whatever had almost happened with the girl was a mistake, it could have been a big one, they both had to realize that, and put it behind them.

"So it wasn't Shakespeare that brought you here after all?" She let the words leave her lips quiet against the backdrop of noise that now cloaked their conversation.

"I'll go..." She held Robin's gaze in her steely one, her next words forming on her tongue before he had a chance to react, " _But,_ I come this time, and you lose your license to annoy me about where I do or don't spend my free time, indefinitely, agreed?"

He dipped his head, smiling down at her, and all Regina could feel was guilty, and all she could do was criticize herself for that.

She had no reason to decline the offer, except the fact that Robin was moderately annoying and his blatant pursuing of her was both as doomed to be fruitless as it was to kill any potential they had to be friends - but aside from that, she was free to do as she pleased.

She'd never felt a sense of romantic obligation to anyone, not to her high school hookups or her college ones, yet something sat uneasily with her when it came to her seventeen-year-old student whom she'd  _almost_ kissed... She pushed the thought away.

"MJs at eight", she repeated Robin's instructions to show she'd heard, unconcerned that he hadn't offered to pick her up - the further from a date this stayed, the better.

"Just a few drinks..." She added the words in final warning as he turned, smirking and made his way out of her room, leaving Regina alone to her class.

Green eyes were on her, she could feel their questions, feel them searching her face. She avoided them completely.

Moving back to the front of the class, she wrote up the chapter they would read before she quietened the room and set a girl in the front row off on the first page. The words that were read aloud barely even registered. Perching on her desk, her eyes tracked the lines but they were meaningless, any sense they once held crushed by the weight of what she guessed was guilt, refusing to leave her stomach.

  
#

The bar was everything she had been expecting, and Regina moved easily towards the figure sitting alone, that she could identify as Robin. The place was small, and quiet, though it was early. Chart music played, and DJ booth was unoccupied thus far.

The dance floor was a square of parquet flooring that reminded Regina of her grandmother's kitchen, but the doormen had been friendly enough as she'd made her way inside, it was moderately clean, and so, she decided it was acceptable - for now.

"So this is where you spend your evenings?" She didn't bother with a greeting as she took a seat beside her colleague, waving over the bar and ordering her usual social drink, a dirty martini.

"Some evenings, not all... You look wonderful tonight, Regina."

She let her eyes find him as she smiled wryly, though she thanked him all the same. The dress she had chosen was one of her more modest pieces, a little black number, shorter than anything she'd wear for school, scoop neck and showy in the right places, but still classy.

"Suppose you don't look horrific..." She shot the words back as she watched his fingers dip into the bowl of peanuts that sat on the smooth wooden surface in front of them, "Those things are disgusting you know... You'll probably catch something."

She didn't particularly care about Robin and his dirty peanuts, or about what he did or didn't catch, but she made the observation anyway. Picking up her Martini as it arrived, she took a grateful sip before she extracted a five dollar bill from her purse and waved the waiter away to keep the change.

Twisting the stem of her glass in her fingers, she turned to the man who would be her companion, resigning herself to his company for the immediate future. She was silently pleased with how little those intoxicating green eyes had plagued her mind so far, though it had taken a gargantuan effort on her part.

"So... How do you usually pass a night in MJs?"

#

The music pulsed, and plied by alcohol Regina laughed at Robin's bad joke. He was cheesy, he was sleazy, but despite all that, he didn't seem like a genuinely bad guy. Taking another long sip of her fourth Martini, she was surprised by how much of a good time she was having.

This was so different to her nights out in Miami, the parties on South Beach, the haze of shots and girls whose names she never remembered, yet it was not as unpleasant as she'd anticipated. She watched with amused eyes as Robin turned to an unfortunate young woman who had sat down beside him, snickering into her drink, feeling the effects of the alcohol, as the red-head swooned at whatever he was telling her.

Unable to resist, she leaned over, pushing him back to get a good look at the woman before she spoke, her tone dry, devoid of humor. 

"He's on a starter salary at the local high school and he lives with his Mother, if I had to guess, I'd stay he still has a twin size bed and his Avengers cover set... But who knows."

Leaning back, she ignored the way the girl eyed her, and drained her drink, gesturing for the bar tender to fetch her another. It felt good to be out, it felt good to be somewhere other than sitting home alone, writing in her notebooks or shuffling boxes around her altogether too big and too empty house, yet Regina couldn't help feeling like she was running.

She hadn't exchanged a single word with Emma all week, not beyond the generic ones that were shared with her class as a whole - _don't forget tomorrow's quiz, do your homework,_ she'd even avoided the store where they had met so unexpectedly that night, just in case.

Despite their lack of verbal communication, her student had never been far from her mind. As Regina swirled the olives in her glass, she realized she wasn't only caught off guard by Emma, by the effects the girl had on her, but also by herself.

She'd never been romantically interested in anything that wasn't a string of words printed on clean white paper. The storm that night had rattled her, yet with Emma's cool gaze on her skin, she was both put back together and undone, all in one simple breath.

When the girl spoke, she listened, she strained to hear in a way that had never felt necessary with anyone else. Emma was so unexpectedly endearing, so inexplicably charming, with her garbled compliment on her teaching and her absolute statement of the obvious in the sweetest way. She was innocent but not naive, she was talented with a pen, she was everything Regina hadn't realized she wanted.

The thud of her glass hitting the bar was audible over the music, and frustrated with herself, with her thoughts, with everything, Regina turned to Robin, determined to outrun all the things she had been avoiding so well until then.

"Do you dance or am I going up there alone?"

She knew the words could be mistaken for interest, but at that point, she didn't care. She wanted to get up and move, to let the alcohol leak into her bloodstream and numb her enough to grant her an evening free of torturing herself over the things she did or didn't feel.

Robin made a mock offended face and Regina rolled her eyes, not giving him time to respond before she was heading towards to designated dance area. It was busier than earlier, little groups of people huddled together, a few couples. She easily found enough space for them under the strobe lighting.

Regina moved easily to the beat, her muscles unlocked by the alcohol. As the music took over, her mind cleared, and once again she was free, thoughts of clear green eyes and long blonde hair far away, bleached out by the colors of the lights.

There were other eyes on her, she could feel them. People around moved to give her space, and Robin was close by. As soon as his beer-breath hit the back of her neck, she moved away, turning her dark eyes on him.

"Dancing isn't a contact sport..." She doubted he heard the words over the pulse of the music, but he seemed to get the idea and backed up some.

It felt so good to be like this, there was just her and the dance floor for the first time since she left college.

"Regina..." She was vaguely aware of Robin somewhere off to her side trying to get her attention, and she turned, coming facing to face with him, his hand finding her waist. She vaguely caught the offer of another drink and nodded, deciding to let the unwanted touch go, in the spirit of his apparent generosity, though she had no doubt he had an ulterior motive.

As she resumed her dancing, a flash of blonde in her peripheral vision caught her eye. Something in Regina's chest jumped, though she didn't allow herself to look. She shouldn't be looking for _her_ in this crowd, or any. Emma was her student, it was wrong, and even her alcohol impaired brain told her as much. It also unleashed a side of her that played devil's advocate, the debate happening behind a mask of liquor-inspired confidence.

She knew that she couldn't, that she shouldn't, that what had happened between them in the car had just been a blurring of the lines, a fascination taken too far; yet, freed by the alcohol, she couldn't help but admit that part of her wanted to.

Emma was intelligent, it was so easy to talk to her. Honestly, the five year age gap wouldn't be a problem if they were twenty-five and thirty. Regina didn't feel like she'd coerced the girl, like she'd gone out of her way, because she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she hadn't looked for any of it, let alone with a student.

Someone bumped against her and she nodded absentmindedly as they apologized over the music. She continued to dance, determined to permit herself to see this train of thought through, just once. Emma was more than competent. Though she was quiet, a little guarded maybe, she was still obviously capable of deciding for herself, and judging by the flush on her cheeks, the way she'd avoided her eyes the whole way home after their almost kiss, Regina couldn't help but believe that she had wanted it too.

A hand on her shoulder made her jump, heat creeping up her neck, guilty, as she was reminded why she couldn't. She took the drink from Robin and took a long sip, telling herself that it was wrong, that it would cost her the job she had worked so hard for, it would cost her the respect of her colleagues, any semblance of the thing her Mother might have left for her. She was in a position of power that she couldn't abuse. Satisfied that the issue was put to bed, even though she had no doubt it would slip back out at the first chance, she turned to Robin.

"Oh look, there's your friend..." She had to yell over the music, as she pointed over his shoulder to the red-head from the bar, who was now making out with a burly looking blonde man in a flannel shirt.

Her dark eyes were narrowed slightly, smug, though her teasing was light-hearted. Robin shot her an annoyed glance as he looked over at the scene. He said something that Regina couldn't hear, and she took a step closer, leaning in and indicating for him to repeat the words.

"Are you always such a bitch?" She laughed lightly, amused by his frank assessment and nodded, "Almost always..."

He didn't seem deterred by her agreement and took a long swig of his beer, their bodies still moving a little as he spoke again.

"So what do I have to do to get you to go to dinner with me?" Regina's eyebrows shot up in mock surprise at himbreaking their agreement that after tonight, he stop asking, though he spoke again before she could.

"Oh come on, Regina, what's the secret? How do I get you to give me a chance... You're hot, I'm hot, we have fun together when you stop acting like my existnce offends you..."

She was taken back by his forwardness, though she knew she should have expected it. She rolled her eyes.

"We have a sort of decent time, why can't we be friends? Why does there have to be dinners and creepy comments and you spending far too much time staring at my chest?"

He snorted with laughter, and Regina wondered which part of what she had said had been so unintentionally funny.

"You must dig chicks or something because..." The second half of Robin's sentence was lost to the music, but she tilted her head slightly, giving him a coy smile, "I knew you'd get there eventually."

He just laughed harder, though he stopped abruptly as he realized she wasn't laughing with him.

"Wait.... You're not actually being serious... You're not a dyke?" His expression had clouded over, something subtle changing in his demeanor, though Regina didn't let it bother her. Disapproval was one of her closest companions, she had gotten far more of it than Robin's male ego being bruised because she wasn't interested.

"I'm not a dyke, a dyke is a river, but yes, I date women, exclusively", she delivered the words with a shrug, taking a sip of her drink, "Is that a problem? Can we just tow the friend line now? If you behave I might even consider being your wingwoman and help you find little Red 2.0".

The whole exchange was half spoken, half yelled over the beat of the music, and Regina wasn't sure how much he heard, though from his expression she guessed it was enough. Her own expression was a tentative smile, testing, her eyes trained on his face, judging his reaction, curious.

"You don't look like a... _lesbian_..." The word seemed to cause him some trouble, and Regina snickered inwardly, before leaning a little closer to make sure she was heard.

"What does a lesbian look like?"

Robin glanced around, and Regina took a sip of her drink, almost choking with laughter as he pointed out the blonde flannel guy who was still firmly attached to the girl he had hit on at the bar earlier.

"Now, now Mr Loxely, that's rather stereotypical of you, and I can assure you, those aren't the kind of women I'd go for..."

Robin was still laughing at his joke. Though Regina could  taste a shift in the mood, she told herself that it was just him giving up on whatever romantic hopes he had once had, and good-naturedly pushed him in the arm, before carrying on dancing.


	7. Chapter 7

For the last five weeks, Regina had felt as if she was settling more and more into Storybrooke High. She was on first name terms with most of the other teachers and there was always a seat for her in the staffroom, though she rarely filled it.

Walking down the main corridor, the Monday after a weekend of recovering from her first social outing in Storybrooke, something felt different. The history teacher avoided her eyes as he passed, their usual friendly hello unsaid. Regina brushed it off as him being distracted.

By the time her first class filed in, looking glum as expected for a Monday morning, she was sure something was going on. A few of the teachers who usually popped their heads around her door to make pleasantries had walked right by, she even caught one of them looking at her, though the woman quickly dipped her head and walked on when she had returned the glance.

A trip to the staff room had confirmed what was becoming increasingly clear. Nobody spoke to her as she stepped through the door, a few conversations even stalling as their participants looked over at her, before trying hurriedly to cover the silence. They knew.

Robin was in the corner making what looked like hundreds of photocopies, and she could feel him avoiding her eyes. Undeterred Regina walked straight over to him.

"Morning, Loxely... Are you still hungover or just avoiding me?" The guilty look that twisted his features told her all she needed to know.

Everyone else seemed to have resumed their own conversations, yet Regina could still feel their eyes on them, so she kept her voice low.

"Did you call around to tell everyone as soon as you got home, or have you just had a really busy morning?" There was no malice in her tone, merely curiosity, and she watched Robin falter as he searched for an answer.

"Regina... What are you..." She cut him off.

"Don't play stupid, that just makes you a liar as well as an ass." Her tone was clipped now, though she was surprised at how un-angered she was by the morning's turn of events. Part of her thought that she should have known.

"Whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better, Robin..." She didn't stay to hear any more excuses, turning on her heel and making her way out of the room and back towards her class.

#

Regina was preoccupied throughout her morning of classes. Her dark eyes distant as she sat behind her desk. A day of written assignments meant more marking at home, but somehow that seemed better than trying to play host to an interactive lesson.

She wasn't hurt by Robin's apparently loose lips, she wasn't even hurt by the looks and the conversations that died as she entered the room. She was curious. She wondered what her apparent outing would mean for her job, if the icy reception would become a permanent thing, if her colleagues were really homophobic or just shocked?

She'd never planned on hiding her sexuality, though she'd never planned on sharing it either. It was just another piece of her life, as insignificant in her work place as the other teacher's marital status or if they live in an apartment or a mansion - it didn't matter, they were all here for the same reason, to teach.

Pens scratched paper, the backdrop to her thoughts, punctuated by a huff or a sigh, or the occasional turning of a page. Regina let herself get lost in her head, there wasn't much else to do. She wasn't upset with the apparent disapproval, she just wondered how it might affect her time at Storybrooke High.

She was no stranger to disapproving looks, remembering them echoed in tired grey eyes. Her Father had disapproved of everything that had mattered to her, her dreams, and who she was, she couldn't help but wonder what he'd think of her now.

He was a different breed to her mother, stubborn, but not stupid, resilient but not unwilling to compromise at all. Perhaps given time he might have come to see that being a teacher made her happy. Perhaps he would have supported her, turned up to her graduation, perhaps he might not have minded that she dated girls instead of boys. Thoughts spun, a carousel of words, sometimes pictures, as she let her mind run rampant with it all until the bell rang for the end of class.

"Pass your papers to the end and I'll see you tomorrow morning, well done everyone..." Papers were tossed to the left and her class rushed out the door.

There was really nowhere she had to be over lunch, and collecting up the uneven stacks of work, she decided an hour spent grading wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, though she'd need at least a coffee to tide her over until her usual takeout dinner.

Regina stepped out into the corridor, scanning the space, looking out for any of the other teachers that may or may not choose to ignore her in light of their recent discoveries.

What she saw was the usual filtering of students towards the cafeteria, the familiar hustle and bustle of a lunchtime at the school. Further down the corridor, a crowd was forming, and as she made her way down the narrow space, Regina glanced over, curious.

Bodies, mostly boys, seemed to be huddled around a focal point, something at the centre of the group that she couldn't see. It looked like half the football team was gathered around and she could hear the laughter even over the chatter that was swelling in the hall. Altering her course slightly, she moved towards the group, catching a flash of blonde through the wall of teenage bodies.

Determined to see what was happening, she moved up to the back of the crowd. Although a few students moved to make way for her, her presence went mostly unacknowledged.

She could hear the words now, _"Little hottie... dressed up... slut... trying to get a fuck..."_ Her curiosity spiked, though as finally, she pushed her far enough forward, she saw the thing at the center of it all was Emma. Her heartbeat picked up, and she was already speaking, her tone ringing heavy with authority.

"What is going on here..?" Already, she was shoving her way through, her mind was racing.

She recognized the boy closest to Emma from her last period class, a true jock, he was one of her more difficult students. Her dark eyes burned over the hand that had been touching Emma's waist, and then over Emma herself. Her usual worn out jeans were gone today, replaced by a short cream knit dress, thin sheer stockings covering her slender legs, her sneakers gone in favor of high tan boots. Her usually wavy hair was poker straight, and her green eyes looked off somehow, almost grey, as Regina realised, shocked, that she was wearing makeup.

The girl looked so different, so unlike herself, and it caught Regina off guard. She faltered for a second before she stepped between Emma and the crowd and demanded answers.

"Well... What is going on here? Do not walk away..." Her tone was deadly as people at the back of the crowd tried to slip into the stream of human traffic still moving on behind it.

"Nothing..." The boy spoke and Regina turned her eyes to him, "Detention..." She declared it easily enough, "You'll join Mr Loxely tonight until 5.30pm."

Turning back to address the rest of the eyes on her she tried again, "Now, unless you all want to end up in detention, I suggest someone tells me what's going on." The students seemed frozen in her wake. She'd never had a reason to tip her hand like this before, to let her voice be colored with this much anger, to threaten a mass punishment, but with Emma cowering behind her, her cheeks pink, her eyes wet with tears, she didn't care.

"We were just saying Emma looked nice, Miss Mills..." Someone spoke up and she instantly turned to them.

"And why does it take half the football team to tell her this... Can you all not manage to walk to lunch on your own?" Nobody answered and she let out an exasperated huff. "You, you and you, detention tonight, I catch anybody else with a toe out of line this week, and we'll arrange a team meet up for Thursday evening. I'm sure you'd all hate to have to explain to Coach why you're missing practice in game season."

She let the threat hang for a second, making sure she got a good look of each and every one of them before she dismissed them. "Go... Get to lunch before I change my mind. If you boys aren't in detention when I check tonight, the whole team will be there tomorrow."

B y the time they had disappeared around the corner, there were few people left lingering by the lockers except Regina and Emma. She turned to Emma and saw that the tears had escaped onto her cheeks but already been swiped away, judging by the wet tracks that remained. A few stragglers looked on curiously, and Regina almost wanted to extend her hand for the girl to take, but she didn't.

"Come on... You're okay, come with me..." She lead the way back to her room, stopping to make sure Emma was following. She stepped inside and waited for her to do the same, closing the door behind them. Walking over to her desk, Regina perched on its edge, her fingers gripping the smooth wooden surface as she took in the sight before her.

Emma hovered just behind the door, her green eyes on the floor, her long blonde hair hanging around her face, as she reached up to wipe roughly at her eyes.

Everything in the corridor had happened so fast, and it was just dawning on Regina that she was in a room alone with Emma. Though the awkwardness of the almost kiss had long passed, it's distant echoes, the emotions behind it, were still very much present.

"What happened out there?" Her voice was soft. She felt a pang of sympathy for the girl as she just shook her head not even bothering to look up.

"Emma... It didn't look like nothing..." A noise from outside the door made Regina's head snap up, her dark eyes leaving Emma to move to the small rectangular window, and the few faces who were doing their best to make it look like they hadn't been peering inside.

Pushing up from the desk, Regina moved across the room, and giving all of them an icy glare, she dropped the shade. Moving back towards her desk, she paused close to Emma, reaching out to touch her arm. Gently she removed one of her hands from her face. Watery green eyes ascended slowly, and by the time they were on hers, against all her better judgement, she just wanted to hug her.

"Don't cry, you're okay now, and them... they don't have two brain cells to rub together..." The sentiment earned her a teary smile and she lead Emma back to her desk. Releasing her arm she perched on its edge, this time with the girl in front of her.

Regina fought hard to ignore the way her breathing shallowed ever so slightly, the way she ached to just hold Emma, to wipe away the tears.

"Is it something to do with the outfit? You look nice by the way..." As soon as the words left her mouth, Regina cursed herself. It was just a platonic compliment, something to cheer the girl up, yet in light of recent events, it felt dangerous. Emma just nodded, looking up to offer her a watery smile.

She did look nice, yet she didn't look like Emma... She had somehow managed only to cover up all the beauty she had so effortlessly by trying to find beauty of a different kind, a kind of synthetic beauty that someone like her had no need to possess.

"Did you go shopping this weekend?" She knew she wasn't really addressing the problem, though while Emma refused to speak to her, she had no hope of doing that anyway.

"No... It's old... I just... I wanted to look pretty today..." Emma's cheeks were pink once more as she trailed off, meeting Regina's eye only for a second before she looked away.

"What brought all this on?" As soon as Regina had asked the question she knew, and she instantly hated her own stupidity. She wanted to believe it had nothing to do with her, that it was some high school, teenage, drama, but as Emma blushed practically crimson, she knew the answer.

"Emma..." She hesitated, taking a breath. Acknowledging what had happened in her car was dangerous, but if she didn't acknowledge it, she couldn't dismantle it, put an end to it. She took a shaky breath.

"What happened last Friday... I'm sorry, it shouldn't have... I'm your teacher, it wasn't right for me to... behave like that. Do you understand?"

Something in Regina's chest dropped as Emma looked at her, their heights levelled now with her perched on her desk.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend..." The words were so quiet, that Regina had to strain to hear them, and she instantly shook her head.

"No... Emma, that isn't what this is about. I'm not... I don't have a boyfriend..." She was rapidly running out of ways to say what she meant - though even she wasn't sure what exactly that was. "I'm your teacher..." She offered, hoping that would be explanation enough, but Emma only shrugged lightly.

"So is Mr Loxely..." Regina's brow furrowed as she struggled to make sense of the remark until slowly, it clicked.... The way Emma had watched as Robin asked her to go out with him, the flash of blonde in the club that night...

"You were there?" The words weren't accusing, just disbelieving.

The pink flush on the girl's cheeks said enough. Regina reached up to rub her temples, closing her eyes as the dots were connecting themselves behind her eyelids. Emma had come to the bar, though how she had gotten inside Regina had no idea. The outfit today, it was because of her, because they almost kissed, because Emma had wanted them to?

"I'm sorry..." The words cut through her thoughts, and she looked up to find a fresh wave of tears glazing stormy green eyes. "You just... When we talk... I feel like me... I can be myself, and you... you're...amazing. For the first time in my life, someone looks at me and they don't look right through. You see me..." Emma trailed off, and Regina shook her head, her lips parted though no words were coming out.

Fireworks were exploding in her chest, red hot, new, exciting, explosive. She wasn't alone in feeling whatever was so heavy between them, and she was both elated and terrified by the realisation.

"Emma..." Her voice was supposed to be firm but it was breathy, and she wet her lips and tried again, "Emma I..." Words refused to come, and she sighed frustrated. It was barely a split second worth of decision making, as soon as she let herself contemplate it she was moving forward, her hand catching a pale one.

Emma stepped into her without much prompting, her green eyes wide, fixed on Regina's as she pulled her closer. Anticipation, fear of getting caught, excitement, they all buzzed through Regina's chest, and her lips burned, so eager for the kiss they had been denied previously. There was no hesitation this time, just a mutual unwillingness to wait and risk losing the moment again.

Their lips touched and Regina's eyes fell closed, one hand moving to cup Emma's cheek, her thumb swiping at the tears there. Her other hand twisted into silky pale hair, pulling her closer. It was wrong, yet with their lips pressed together, Emma's mouth so pliable, so timidly hungry under her own, Regina couldn't make herself believe it was anything but right.

She was so soft, yet there was something bold in the kiss, her lips tasted like vanilla, and finally, pressed so close, Regina could smell something close to strawberries, that she guessed was her shampoo. Time slowed down and sped up, every gentle slide of lips over lips only promising over and over again what Regina knew now was totally undeniable - she had feelings for her student.

When they finally parted for air, their breaths mixing in the few inches between their faces, she searched Emma's eyes for any hint of regret, any trace of fear, anything that might make this unreal. All she found was a shy happiness. Her lips twisted into a soft smile as she untangled her fingers from soft blonde hair, holding her face gently between her hands and wiping away the last of the tears, before finally, the moment broke.

They were in school, in a classroom, with the shades drawn and she was kissing Emma, her student, touching her like a lover. With this abrupt realisation, Regina let her hands fall away. She tried to move back, realizing she was trapped between Emma and the desk. Part of her was loathe to run away from this, from the still fresh tear tracks on Emma's cheeks, the lips that felt so good against her own, but survival instinct took over. She shimmied sideways, freeing herself from the space.

She didn't know what to say. Her heart was beating hard, her lips tingling, her skin on fire. Without another word, she turned and rushed to the door. Pulling it open, she made a sharp left towards the staff restrooms, leaving Emma standing there in the empty room, alone.


	8. Chapter 8

They'd kissed. That thought had swum around in Regina's head for the better part of the week. Monday had turned to Thursday, and still she could get no peace.

Things at school had progressed from bad to worse. Any other week, the looks in the corridor would become just another part of her routine, yet this week, coupled with her annoyance over twisted she'd let her new life become, it made them feel like judgments.

Emma was her student, and they'd kissed, and somehow worst of all, it had been amazing. Regina was constantly torn between thinking about consequences, about how inappropriate she knew it was, and about how perfect it had been. It was perfect in a way that nothing in her life ever was. Kisses had never meant much to her, they always came so easily in college, they tasted like liquor and tobacco and that was how she liked them. Emma had tasted like vanilla, her lips had been so soft, so giving; they asked questions and told her secrets that Regina never thought she would care to know.

For so long, all she'd known was that she'd get out of Florida, that she'd teach, that she'd be someone other than Regina Mills, daughter of the famous Henry Mills and decidedly less famous Cora; she'd known for so long that someday, she'd find a place, where she could just be herself. She'd always supposed she'd settle down eventually, find someone to kiss outside of a club, that perhaps they might go on dates and walks in the park, eventually they'd move in together and get a cat, maybe even get married, eventually; yet she'd never expected this.

Sitting behind her desk, her usual lunchtime coffee untouched by her side, a stack of paper in front of her, Regina let her eyes linger on a desk almost at the back of the room. Too preoccupied to check herself, she gave in to her thoughts.

Things with Emma were easy, even with the strain of their contrasting roles hanging heavy between them. As soon as Regina let herself forget, which wasn't hard to do, being around her was effortless. She never deemed anyone worthy of coming closer, of getting beyond the facade of her routine and her job title, to truly know her, not until Emma.

She sighed, her papers fluttering. It would be perfect if it wasn't so impossible. If Emma had been just the girl at the drive-through window where she bought her take out, or the girl who knocked at her door when she ordered a pizza, all this would be so different, so easy.

The look in her green eyes when she'd walked out the room on Monday, the tear tracks that were still visible on her cheeks, they only made all this harder.

Ever since they kissed, Regina had avoided Emma. Every last period of the day their eyes played dangerous games, stealing glances. She'd seen Emma change course to head towards her in the corridor a few times, and instantly strode away.

She wanted to be able to turn around, to tell her the answers to all this, to tell her what they should do. She was too wary to tell her how she really felt, and too afraid of giving up on whatever delicate thing was growing between them to truly send her away - so she just avoided her.

Sometimes she woke up at night from dreams that she hoped weren't premonitions. Sometimes she was standing up in court trying to explain the feeling in her chest when she kissed Emma. Some nights she was just peering out through bars, scores of accusing eyes peering back in, though all she saw was blonde and green in the distance, smooth pale skin, and thin pink lips that she'd never again touch.

Allowing anything to grow between them was dangerous, yet she had always been a risk taker, she'd always taken the rules and bent them to her will, somehow navigating her way through life unscathed. She was just torn down the center, tired of being in pieces, but unable to reassemble herself on one side or the other, unable to stop thinking about Emma.

A familiar buzz broke the silence. Regina didn't even bother to reach into the bag at her feet and pull out her phone, she knew who it would be, and she knew what they'd say.

Her Mother was still talking about writing, about being published, about her going home. Regina didn't want to do any of those things, yet at odd times of quiet, of weakness, they seemed like the easier option. Leaving Storybrooke would take her away from her current dilemma. If she was getting a decent advance, she could probably go back to Miami and get her own little place, catch some of her old college acquaintances, go back to an existence that was so much more carefree than the one she currently knew.

Leaving Storybrooke would mean giving up on her dream. Leaving Storybrooke, would mean leaving Emma. She knew it wasn't an option, not even an indulgence, just the tired musings of an overworked mind sometimes late at night when she lay in bed, unable to sleep.

The corridors were beginning to refill. Glancing at the clock, she was just frustrated all over again as she realized she had wasted almost all of her lunch, turning over her unresolvable problems. She picked up her coffee and the cup was cold. Standing, Regina smoothed down the purple suit dress she wore as she stepped out from behind her desk.

With her coffee discarded, she made her way back towards the staff room to get a fresh cup before her next class. She weaved in and out of the increasing number of bodies that were filling the space, rowdy from their lunchtime activities.

She caught Emma's reflection in the glass door of the staff room, blurred and faded in the glass, though Regina knew that she would recognize it anywhere.

Her books were clutched to her chest, and she was leaning forward slightly, walking as fast as she could, eager to catch her up. Though Regina's heart clenched tightly at the sight, rather than wait, rather than turn around and face what she'd done, _what they'd done_ , she pulled the staff room door open.

The movement blared the reflection out of view, and as she stepped into the room, with ten pairs of eyes instantly on her, she tried to put the thought out of her mind.

#

Friday's lunch was no better than Thursday. Regina stepped out of her classroom as soon as the last of her students had left, determined to get her coffee and spend the hour grading to free up her weekend, for what, she had no idea. The click of her heels was lost to the noise as bodies weaved in and out of each other down the hall.

Regina didn't see her coming. Something touched her and held on for just a second. Turning, she saw Emma walking beside her looking up at her, her lips in a tight line that made her almost look frightened. Regina felt her heart stutter, her eyes dipping to meet green, and suddenly, she was caught.

Emma looked the same, just as beautiful, just as delicate, just as unobtainable as she did every day sitting at the back of her class, yet up close, it was somehow undeniable. The touch on her forearm left a cool tingle on her skin, and she couldn't help but remember the polar opposite burn that her kiss had left on her lips, that lingered even now, days later.

"Do you need something Emma?" The question was curt, both by intention and lack of it. She instantly hated herself when Emma slinked back until she almost fell away from her side. She stopped and half turned.

Emma hovered and Regina waited, each second more weighted than the last. It was almost impossible not to just reach out to her - if it wasn't for the tens of people around them, she was certain she would have.

"Emma..." She tried again, stepping forward just a little so she could lower her voice. "Do you need something?" She expected the question to go unanswered. She knew she should walk away, that it would be easier if she did, yet she was still frozen there, waiting.

"Yes..." Emma's voice was soft, barely audible, but when her eyes finally lifted they were alight with conviction. Regina felt an unfamiliar knot in her throat, and every breath seemed to hurt and promised to do so until she held her again, kissed her, took the sadness she could see on her face away.

The corridor was claustrophobic. There were too many people, too many eyes to see, to know, to ruin her. She was nodding numbly, she knew that, and Emma was looking up at her with a thin film of tears covering her eyes. She couldn't bear to put any more tears there, she couldn't take another night of trying to forget something she still knew so little of.

"Okay." The word was soft, breathy but choked, and she turned away before she even knew what it meant herself. An acknowledgment or an agreement, it didn't matter. She walked quickly through the corridor, the restroom not coming up fast enough until she could disappear behind its door, rush into a stall and put her head in her hands.

Finally, away from the crush, away from the witnesses, away from it all, with her fingers pressed into her eyes, she could breathe.

#

The feeling followed Regina around, refusing to leave her alone, distracting her through forth period, and leaving a lump in her throat through fifth that she couldn't dislodge. Emma's eyes watched her, and she watched in return, so little space between them but so much keeping them apart.

The hour passed too slow, and it was exhausting.

When the final bell of the day sounded, she watched Emma pack her things into her bag. Just as Regina was sure she'd walk out, she paused, turning back for just a second to find her through the sea of students between them, and although the glance was fleeting, it was enough.

She didn't linger over her papers, she stayed just long enough to collect together the stacks of work that needed to be graded over the weekend and lock her desk drawers. Her walk to the staff car park was short, but it still felt too long, and Robin's eyes on her as they passed outside the staffroom door, the way he called out to her, it just made it seem even longer.

She slid behind the wheel of her Mercedes with practiced ease, and the keys were in the ignition before she had time to decide to put them there. She was rushing, even though she wasn't sure exactly where she was trying to be. She pulled out the lot and was instantly scanning the sidewalk, and suddenly she knew.

She'd seen Emma walking home on more than a few occasions now, she always took the same route, the road beside the park. After dropping her off on the other side of it after they'd ate by the water, Regina was relatively sure she cut through the green space to get home. She didn't know what she'd do when she found her, only that she had to before she reached the park and turned off the road, and was out of reach for another night, another weekend, which was suddenly more than she thought she could take.

The figure up ahead came into her view unexpectedly. She was standing by the park railing, the strap of her bag being twisted around and around in her fingers, her blonde hair lifting slightly in the breeze as she looked down the road, and right at the car. She was waiting. She was standing in the exact same place Regina had picked her up on the night of the storm.

She steered the car to the curb, and Emma moved forward, getting in without waiting for an invitation. As she slipped into the smooth leather seat beside her, Regina's heart picked up with fear and excitement, happiness and sadness. Neither of them spoke as she pulled away again, driving faster than usual, unsure of where she was going until they arrived.

The water was lighter today, the surface smooth, only rippling slightly in the breeze. It was still light outside, the darkness wasn't shrouding the car, hiding them, yet back in that place, the high hedges on either side and only the water stretching out in front of them, it didn't matter.

The parking break felt heavier than usual as Regina pulled it up, killing the engine and unbuckling her seatbelt. Her eyes stayed forwards, on the swell of the city up ahead, breaking the skyline.

She could hear her breathing, feel her presence off to her side, feel green eyes on her. Only the soft whistle of the breeze around the car, the easy cadence of their breaths broke the silence, and though Regina knew her thoughts should be racing, they were unexpectedly still. She was simply riding the swell of the wave, waiting for it to reach the shore and break over her head, waiting for the moment that had been inevitable, unavoidable since the first time she'd held the descriptive assignment in her hands and met Emma's eyes.

She couldn't wait anymore. She turned in her seat, already reaching for her, and just as she had days earlier, Emma came freely. Their lips pressed together while Regina's fingers combed through her long pale hair.

Kissing her was so easy, the way their lips moved over each other. Emma was unpracticed, that was clear, but there was a fluidity in her kiss, a thrill in touching her, that meant it didn't matter. Regina sighed softly against her lips as she felt the pads of fingers tentatively brush her throat. She recaptured thin pink lips with her own, kissing her until they parted, until fingers traveled to the back of her neck and urged her closer.

She was breathless when they finally broke apart. Her fingers lingered, silky strands of golden hair slipping through them before they brushed her cheek, her dark eyes boring into green, her voice scratchy with emotion, "Nobody can know..."

Emma nodded, her green eyes sincere, but Regina's heart was beating a frantic backdrop in her ears. The edge of the cliff was far above her now, she had jumped and she couldn't go back.

"I promise, Regina..." Her name sounded so soft, said so reverently, and the moment of panic she had felt was consumed by the desire to taste it on Emma's tongue. Leaning across the car, pushing the girl gently back into her seat by her shoulders, she searched her green eyes.

"You want this?" She had to ask. She had jumped from the cliff, stepped off the edge, and she was about to dance in the rain. This was the last hold to break, the very last chance to turn around.

"Kiss me again..."

Emma's response was breathless, and the words had barely left her lips before they were covered with Regina's. The teacher let her fingers trace the swell of pale cheeks, the smooth column of a thin neck, along the hem of her shirt. She slid her tongue along soft lips, marveling when they opened for her. When she pulled back to study her, the soft sound of discontent was music to her ears. Emma was beautiful, undone, open in a way she'd never had the privilege of seeing her. Her green eyes were alight with emerald fire, her pale cheeks flushed above kiss plumped lips.

Shallow breaths filled the silence between them, though their eyes were having the longest conversation they had held to date.

"How old are you?"

The question shocked her back to earth, a sprinkle of ice water over the fire igniting in her chest.

"Twenty-two", she answered without giving herself too much time to dissect the question or its timing, panic already bubbling back to the surface.

"Don't do that..." Slim fingers reached up to brush her cheek, tracing her lip, hovering over her scar before they followed its shape gently.

Her response was barely a whisper, "Do what?"

Emma scooted closer, her body pressed against the center console, "Regret me."

Something in Regina's chest exploded. She reached out, pulling Emma somewhat uncomfortably over to her side of the car, sliding back her seat until they both fit behind the wheel, Emma's long legs still draped across the passenger seat.

"I don't regret this", she smoothed loose blonde curls back. "But I'm your teacher, Emma..."

Her chest sunk as she capsized their moment, her words threatening to destroy it, when all she wanted to do was prolong it, save it, after wanting and waiting and being haunted by her for so long.

This time, it was Emma's mouth that covered hers, braver than she expected the girl to be. Her head fell back against the headrest as a warm tongue slipped between her lips, their bodies pressed together, chest to chest in the tight space.

"Not tonight." She barely caught the words between kisses, between soft breaths that turned sharper. Letting go Regina let herself be kissed and kissed Emma back, she let her hands run brave over the swell of small breasts, across petite hips, her fingers settling just under the thin material of the blonde's shirt.

Her body burned and her soul sang, set free, little pieces shimmering and pouring out of her into every kiss, every touch, until she was losing herself. Her palm pressed against the girl's chest, a soft sound falling into her mouth from Emma's as slim hips pressed insistently into her lap, bringing her back to the present.

Pulling back breathlessly, she watched shyness dance in Emma's eyes, her hair mussed, her lips kiss bruised, as Regina was sure her own were. The moment lingered, twin smiles erupted, boiling over into giggles, until they were laughing endlessly, squashed together in the driver's seat of her car. She was alive in a way she hadn't been in so long, maybe ever.


	9. Chapter 9

From that night in the car, that first concession, things had been as easy, as uncontrollable as Regina had known they would be. Avoiding the girl the week before seemed foolish in the golden glow of what she had found when she had finally given in. Part of her had been convinced that Emma wouldn't forgive her for running out after their first kiss, but the girl's maturity had surprised her - she understood what was at stake and why Regina had been scared.

They'd talked, kissed, until the sun was long gone behind the horizon and the moon turned Emma's hair silver in its light. Those evenings spent in the car became their custom, and Regina gradually learned more about Emma, and shared more about herself in return.

  
Laying in bed alone, her thoughts were on Emma. She was still elusive, still mysterious in a way, and though every night she waited at the place by the park, the same place she'd been that very first night, Regina still felt like she could only touch part of her. Though she spoke more every time they got dinner and sat in the car talking until daylight was long gone, Regina still felt there was more below the surface, more that she hadn't yet been able to find.

  
Her notebooks were full again, bursting in a way they hadn't quite been for years, pages and pages of words, so much to say and so many ways to say it. For the first time since a time Regina couldn't remember, her days felt complete, her job, her evenings with Emma, she felt somehow like she had it all, though she knew, part of her still wanted more. They were settling into an easy rhythm, a routine, the kisses, the hushed words in the dead of night, yet it was by no means simple.

  
There were still nights that Regina woke up from terrible dreams, dreams of her mother's face, her own face painted across tabloid newspapers, Emma's tear stained face looking at her through the glass of the principal's office. There was still the knowledge somewhere in the back of her mind; even though it disappeared when she was kissing Emma, holding her, when slender fingers were running through her own dark hair, every time kisses got deeper, fingers sliding over clothing, green eyes dark and hungry reflecting her own, something still pulled her back - she was her teacher.

  
There was no label on what they were, but there'd never been a call for one, together they were effortless, themselves as Emma had said. Regina's lips ached to kiss her, like they hadn't for anyone before, her thoughts stayed with her even when there were classrooms between them, miles of sleepy Storybrooke streets, she felt for her more than she'd let herself feel for anything for so long, and as careful as she was, she couldn't help but want more.

  
She closed her eyes and rolled onto her side, the smooth cover of her notebook cool against her fingers, where they rested under her pillow.

She'd written out their conversation from earlier tonight, it seemed strange to do so, but she had.

"We always come here... I like it here... I like being here with you, but we don't... We never..." Emma had only gotten that far before her cheeks had turned pink and she'd buried her face in her neck, Regina smiled at the memory.

"We don't... I've never... Regina, I've never even been on a date..." The words had been quiet, muffled against her skin, but Regina had heard them, and she'd kissed her hair and waited until finally, green eyes met hers.

  
She knew it was dangerous, she knew it was stupid, but with Emma looking up at her, with her pale skin still retaining some of the blush, her emerald eyes shy as she twisted her fingers around Regina's own, Regina knew, she was powerless to resist. Two weeks had passed, two weeks of evenings in her car, of talking, and kisses and touches that were so far from bold but so heavy with emotion; two weeks had passed since Regina had given in, and now, there was to be another change in their relationship. Now, they were going to go on a date.

  
Rolling over again, Regina tried to push the thoughts from her mind, to sleep and let tomorrow come as it would. She'd planned all she could plan, and though nerves were an unfamiliar feeling to her, as she forced herself to exhale, to relax, she knew, she felt them or something like them. Dates to her had always been drinks then sex then sneaking out without staying the night, and the one she'd planned for Emma was so far from that. Emma was so far from anything she'd ever experienced.

#

Regina ran her fingers through her hair for the third time, her eyes catching themselves, deep brown in the rear-view as the engine idled.

This was different somehow. All the nights she drove away from school, a familiar figure waiting for her in front of the park, it was easy then, routine, but this, was something else. Her heartbeat felt uneven, a strange mix of excitement and anxiety. Coming to the street at the other side of town where Emma had told her to wait, ready to pick her up to take her somewhere, to go on a date - it was terrifying all over again.

  
The idea was thrilling to her, the thought of driving out of town, seeing the happiness that she knew would sparkle behind crystalline eyes when she held her hand and leaned down to let her lips brush her hair, yet there was always the fear. They'd be far enough away, her meticulous planning had made sure of that, yet her mind refused to stop taunting her with 'what ifs'. What if they were caught? It was growing more and more difficult, more incomprehensible to her, how anything that felt so right, was so good, could be seen as so wrong.

  
Her logical mind knew the reasons why, and if she'd been asked the question a year ago she knew she could have listed the reasons something like this shouldn’t happen; yet, if she'd been asked a year ago, she would never have foreseen herself sitting in a car somewhere in Maine waiting to go on a date to do something other than get drunk, hook up, and call it even.

  
A flash of blonde in her peripheral vision laid the thoughts to rest, her stomach flipping in a way that was still strange to her, more concerned with the situation at hand. She was beautiful, it was undeniable, the breeze caught her long blonde hair turning it into a thin sheet of gold in the late morning sun. Her tight faded jeans were perfect, she didn't need anything more, everything about her was just effortless, and as she opened the passenger door Regina was already smiling.

  
"Hi..." Her voice was thick with it's usual gravel, and as a slender frame slipped into the seat beside her, she suddenly didn't know what else to say. Anticipation hummed in her chest, and her lips refused to fall back into their usual line, as pale fingers finished with the seat belt and green eyes met hers.

  
"Hi", her voice was quiet, musical as ever and Regina just wanted to touch her. This was definitely different, it felt somehow more real, better, and as she pushed the car into drive, Regina could feel herself leaving her fears behind.

  
"Do I get to know where we're going yet?" Emma's voice was cool water in the heat of her anxieties, and as easily as always, anything that wasn't the two of them melted away.

  
"Not yet, don't get excited, it's nothing special... but it is quite a ride so get comfy." She shot the other girl a sideways grin, one she was getting used to now, as the car peeled away from the curb and they headed for the freeway.

  
#

  
Standing in front of the shop, Regina was one again, suddenly uncharacteristically nervous. It had seemed like a good choice at the time, pottery painting seemed like something people did on a date they actually cared about - upon which, she had no previous experience to base things.

  
"You like paint right? Everybody likes paint..." Her voice was half a tone higher, though as green eyes turned to her, she knew she didn't need to worry. Part of her was still embarrassed, still so unused to showing emotion like this, though a bigger part of her was desperate to do this right. Emma only nodded, but the way cool fingers brushed hers, tentatively twisting around them until they were holding hands, told her she’d made a good choice.

  
Regina followed her gaze down to their interconnected digits, a jolt of something spiking in her chest at the sight. Reminding herself that they were far enough away, that the chances were so slim that they’d be recognized, she let herself enjoy the contact.

  
As they walked through the door she felt Emma’s grip slacken, almost anticipating the moment she would let go, and so she didn’t. Her dark eyes met the woman behind the counter, and the smile she received let her relax. She nodded politely as they were told to go and choose their projects from the shelves of unpainted items, marveling at how it felt to be with Emma, holding her hand, and have another human being talking to them like it was the most normal thing in the world. She realized with a jolt, that for her, it was.

  
“This looks like Ruby!” Emma’s voice was laden with an excitement that Regina hadn’t heard before and she couldn’t help but smile, moving with her to the shelves as she picked up a little clay statue.

  
“Who's Ruby and why do you know a wolf?” Everything felt so good, too good, and she was floating, her arms looped easily around Emma’s waist and her chin found her shoulder, curious eyes peering down at the pottery in her hands. Public displays of affection had never been her thing, she wondered if that was because she’d never actually had any affection for anyone before, or just because she’d thought she hated it; either way, with Emma, freed by the lack of disapproval from the shopkeeper, it was effortless.

  
“Ruby is my dog, she’s not a wolf, she’s a husky…” Emma tilted her head slightly, looking at Regina sideways, and Regina just nodded, pausing for a beat before she replied.

  
“Looks like a wolf to me.” With the wolf statue back in it’s place, and two large dinner plates in Regina’s hands – after Emma insisted that she needed to own some that weren't still packed in boxes, they were taking their seats at one of the tables.

“Why didn’t I know you have a pet wolf?” Regina’s tone was light, thought the question was serious, as she twirled a paintbrush in her fingers, wondering about what else she might not know about the girl in front of her.

  
“She’s a dog, and you never asked if I have any pets.” Emma answered simply, and Regina couldn’t help but inwardly snicker. There was no malice in her tone, she was always so gentle, so sweet, yet sometimes, she just stated the obvious without even realizing.

  
“Well, you never asked if I do…” She quirked an eyebrow in reply, dipping her thumb into the paint pallet, “And you have something…” She leaned over, running the pad of her thumb over the pale skin of Emma’s cheek until it was a turquoise blue that offset her eyes, “Right here…”

Regina pulled back laughing as Emma’s fingers flew to her face, her jaw dropping open slightly, her cheeks coloring a little as she realized what had happened.

  
“You…” Regina couldn’t help but laugh as she pulled up short, searching for the words.

“Me what?” Something inside her was flying, this new and easy light-heartedness between them, being able to interact freely somewhere other than hidden away in her car – it had her head spinning.

“You… You’re mean”. Regina sputtered out a laugh as Emma tried to insult her, though she was cut short as slender fingers swiped at her nose, and reaching up, her own fingers came away pink.

  
“Pink?” she spluttered, “Of all the colors to paint me you chose pink?!” She rubbed her nose, giving up as she realised she was only smearing the color around. Emma’s eyes glittered, alight with something Regina couldn’t identify, and she heard a laugh bubble up from her own lips again, “That’s it, Swan, you’re going down.”

  
#

  
“You got blue on my plate…” Regina looked up just in time to see what was almost a pout crawl across Emma’s face, and she couldn’t help but reach for her.

  
“Blue is a nice color, besides, all that purple was getting repetitive, it’s going to look like the sugarplum fairy threw up in my kitchen...” She was pulling her closer without thinking, lost in the way she was laughing.

  
“Just because it’s not all…” Emma leaned over to peer down at Regina’s piece, “Red and black and… green… that’s like evil Christmas…”

They were getting closer, and as Emma turned back to look at her, Regina was automatically closing the distance. Something flashed between them, just a second before their lips met, hesitance, fear, though as they kissed, it dissolved into nothing. It was sweet, lingering for just a second, decent enough given that they were in public, yet heavy with emotion.

  
“Evil Christmas? You’re ridiculous…” Regina murmured as she pulled back slightly, her coffee eyes holding green, “You’re also slow and I’m getting hungry.”

Emma huffed quietly, though she was still smiling, “You’re always hungry, and I’m almost done…”


	10. Chapter 10

Green eyes watched her. There was something in them, a secret, one they both knew but neither could share. As Regina looked back, she let the faintest of echoes of it glitter in her own eyes, before she was back to moving through the desks, glancing down as she went, her class reading the next chapter of their set novel.

  
A hand went up and she moved towards the student, bending to hear the question muttered to her and nodding as she quietly explained the answer. She straightened and started to walk again, her steps slow, a regular cadence, her movements measured, the broken silence of pages turning, gave her time to think.

  
Emma wasn't reading, but Regina knew she would already have finished the chapter she'd set five minutes ago. The nights they'd spent together in her car had afforded her so much knowledge, so many little pieces of Emma that were so hidden to everyone else. She smiled to herself at the memory, it had been a few weeks, yet it was as clear as if had been cut from crystal and stored in her brain.

  
It had been the Monday after the Saturday of their first date, and Emma was still seemingly on a high from it, bold as she leaned over to kiss Regina as soon as they pulled into their place. She'd taken the book out of her bag once the burrito they'd shared for dinner was gone. The cover was worn and the spine cracked, and Regina recognized right away the exterior of a well loved book.

Surprisingly, it was a book Regina had never read, the drawings on the cover were foreign to her, though the author was familiar. Dr Seus had been a name she'd heard in passing, but never one of the many books that were placed in front of her for her consideration as a child.

  
Emma's head was dipped as Regina continued to weave her way between the desks, and even now, when the room was silent, she could still hear the familiar lilt on her voice as she read the book aloud, the wind around the car a backdrop to the words of 'Oh, The Places You'll Go."

  
It was endearing in a comic way, inspirational but honest, and Regina had listened intently as they laid in the backseat of her car, Emma's head tucked under her chin while she turned the pages. That had been one of the evenings of bigger revelations, the night Regina found out she wasn't alone in having only one parent.

Emma's mother died when she was ten, cancer was the only reason she gave, and Regina had laid awake that night trying to imagine what it might be like to know death was coming. Her father's had been instant, the tree on the car taking his life in a second, if that fight had drawn on for years, if she'd had to watch it coming, watch death consume him piece by piece, she didn't know which was worse. To have no chance to say goodbye or to waste years with nothing but goodbye to say.

  
As Regina reached her desk she let her fingers run across the smooth wood down it's edge as she lingered to look down at the book that lay open on Emma's desk, the final page of the chapter was face up, as she'd expected. It was still difficult, some days she still ached to blur the lines. Here Emma was her student, yet she was still something else, so much more, her girlfriend, partner, soulmate? Regina was momentarily surprised by her own choice choice of words, but with Emma, she was constantly surprising herself, and as much as it scared her, she liked it.

  
Her blonde hair was in its usual soft waves, hanging down past her shoulders, and the brunette ached to run her fingers through it. Somehow in the quiet she wanted just to hold her, yet here she couldn't be that person, they had very different roles to play, roles that contrasted so sharply with everything they were when they were out of sight.

  
She lingered by her shoulder for a second, and though Emma didn't look up, she titled her head sideways just enough for Regina to see the smile tugging up the corner of her lips, before reluctantly, she walked away.

  
Those smiles were getting more constant now, creeping in the brighten Regina's days and chase away the black taint she'd so often kept on her world under the guise of reality.

Though Emma was still quiet, there was a quiet confidence she possessed, a strength in her fragility, a tentative humor and a heart too big for her chest, and Regina knew she was falling in love with all those things; that although she was yet to voice it, she was falling in love with her.

  
Their first date had been a snapshot, a rare glimpse into a future she wasn't optimistic enough too believe could happen, yet wasn't jaded enough not to hope for. A world where she could walk down the street and hold Emma's hand and not have the additional worry of a law suit as well as the looks and the comments that apparently came when two people that parts of society deemed unsuitable to be so, were in love.

  
The atmosphere at school hadn't changed. The other teachers still avoided her in the corridors, and though she always had her place to sit in the staff room at lunch, she barely bothered to go back there now, preferring to spend it in her room getting ahead on her grading.

The way she had so quickly become an outsider didn't bother Regina, it didn't matter. They were people, people were fickle, and perhaps it was nice once upon a time to walk among them and belong, but as always, she didn't need them; she didn't need anything, nothing except her words, and Emma.

  
#

  
Regina's step was light as she walked to her car, pleased the last bell of the day had finally sounded, pleased that it was once again somehow Friday, and as she drove, pleased to see Emma waiting in her usual place. Her father went away on a lot of business trips, that's what the girl had told her, and Regina never asked further. Saddened as she was that Emma slept every night in a house alone, she couldn't help be thankful for all the time it afforded them to spend together.

  
She hadn't waited, reaching for her as soon as the car drew to a halt in their place by the water, and Emma had been just as quick to reciprocate, cool fingers brushing back her dark hair as their lips lingered in a kiss that was honey sweet, slow, perfect.

The pizza they'd ate had been average, and Emma had picked at the toppings like Regina knew by now that she would. It still amazed her how much she knew about another person, all the little habits she picked up, the way she could hear the soft cadence on her voice in her head so perfectly now, how clear a mental picture she had of a smile. Despite this, what came next had surprised her, thrown her off balance, left her uncertain in a way that the past few weeks had let her forget how to be.

  
"What's your house like?" The question was innocent enough, but the beginnings of a flush that were creeping onto Emma's cheeks, the slight lift at one corner of her mouth, they told Regina what was next before the words came, "Why do we never go there?"

  
It was a good question, a valid question, and Regina had no doubt they'd be more comfortable there than in the confined space of her car, she knew that once they were inside and the door was closed on the rest of the world they'd be safe, yet somehow, it felt like another escalation.

  
She'd been making peace with what she was doing, she could feel that. Every time Emma was brave enough to lean in to kiss her, every time her name fell from her supple rose lips, they all told her this was right, that as wrong as it was, maybe those who said it was wrong simply didn't know.

She was older, she knew she was older, five years to be exact, yet when they were alone, like all the nights they'd spent in her car, like the day at the pottery painting workshop, the dinner they'd had afterwards, there was nothing between them.

  
Emma was sweet, she was shy, passive; Regina was rough, abrasive, outwardly unafraid, yet together somehow they were equal. Whatever was growing between them was somehow justified, and Regina no longer felt guilty when she kissed her, she no longer worried that she was taking advantage, because she wasn't.

Emma came to her as freely as she came to Emma, and what they had was honest, there were no ill-intentions, no abuse of trust, just two people falling so accidentally in love.

  
The question had caught her of guard, and although Regina had thought about it, considered it before, it had always felt like one step too far, one push of fate too hard, an invitation for disaster, yet with Emma's eyes on her, curious and expectant, she told herself she was over-thinking.

"Do you want to see the house?" Her tone was light, so much lighter than the decision sat with her.

She could already imagine the headlines, the things they could say, how much deeper the plot would be if Emma had been to her home, the two of them, alone... Yet she was Emma, she was perfect, she was happiness like Regina hadn't believed could exist.

Regina couldn't imagine a life without her, or a future that didn't include her in it, even though every vision was hazed by doubts and worry; but Emma was a huge part of her life, and Regina would share her life with her, regardless of if society told her that was wrong.

  
#

  
Emma's laugh filtered back through the window and Regina smiled, her bare feet chilled against the cool asphalt of the balcony outside her bedroom. Ducking her head back into the house, she held out her hand.

"Why do I need a door when I have a window, come on, climb through." Her dark eyes glittered with a fond amusement as Emma's hand slipped into her own.

"Careful..." The word was still breathy, laced with a smile as Regina caught the foot that appeared through the window frame, guiding it to the ground before Emma's head popped out and she could wait for her other leg to appear before she wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her to her body.

  
She was feather light, soft and delicate in her arms, yet Regina could count every hard vertebrae beneath her fingers as she held her weight easily.

"See, why do I need a door?" She asked the question as she let her lips brush Emma's neck, her cheek being tickled by her hair, yet something in her chest was uneasy.

  
It was winter, too cold to be out on the balcony, just after five, yet any of her neighbors could so easily look up and see them there. Of course the chances of them recognizing Emma were slim, she'd never been to the area, and Regina hadn't seen anyone from the school the whole time she'd lived there, yet there was still a chance.

With those thoughts ringing in her ears, she set Emma down on her feet, holding onto her until she was sure she was steady.

  
"Guess you don't need a door..." She shrugged her shoulders as she conceded, though Regina could see her eyes were on the rickety looking rail, that was altogether too low and altogether too unstable.

  
"I won't let you fall..." The words had a double meaning, and as soon as she said them, Regina heard it, and instantly knew she meant it.

Reaching out she took Emma gently by the arm, guiding her across the small space of the balcony, over to the opposite side.

  
She was a different person than when she arrived in Storybrooke, she knew that. She sat herself down behind the section of railing that was thick with climbing ivy, occluding her from view as she pulled Emma down, aiming to sit her beside her, but pulling her into her lap at the last minute, an act of defiance to a world that was yet to judge them, but Regina knew it would, given the chance.

  
A blonde head rested easily on her shoulder, and a soft breath warmed her cheek. Regina recognized it as a sound of contentment and leaned her head on soft golden hair, turning to kiss it before she let her eyes return to the view.

  
Looking across to the other side of the balcony, the rest of the street was visible between the sparse railings, the leaves bare now, the cars parked in neat lines on either side, filling up drives and blocking gateways. The sun was going down behind a cool night sky, the color already changing from grey to a crisp steel blue, a blue that promised to bring a frost that would leave early risers searching for the antifreeze come morning.

  
"It's pretty up here..." Emma's words cut through Regina's thoughts and she nodded, wrapping her arms tighter around the thin blue parka that clung to her tiny body.

It was pretty, it had always been pretty ever since that very first night she had moved in and sat up there clutching a bottle of cider; now clutching Emma to her chest, trying to squeeze some of her own warmth into her slight frame, she knew the moment wasn't just pretty anymore, it was beautiful.

  
So much had changed since the first time she had dragged her suitcase up the rickety front steps and jammed the old twisted key in the oak front door. Back then, she had so little lose. Regina let the thoughts wash over her as Emma's fingers danced with the ends of her hair, warmth building between them now as they sat in silence, looking out to the distant lights of the city, just visible over the skeletons of the trees.

  
She was a different person now than she had been just a few months ago. She was so focused then, so driven, as she still was, yet now, she laughed, she had something to look forward to in the evenings other than her customary bottle of cider; she cared for something now other than her dream and herself.

When she'd first sat out on her balcony she was still so unsure, confident as she was, she had no evidence upon which to base it; but now, she had almost a semester worth of improving grades, the best senior finals predictions in the department, in the school, and yet, as amazing as that was, she had so much more.

Regina had never believed in everything she read in books about love, about being complete, feeling whole, yet since Emma had stumbled so unexpectedly into her life, suddenly, she could relate.

Before she had been half of herself, all her ambition, her determination, and her strength, yet now, she was all those things, she was still everything she'd wanted to be, yet she was also everything she was before ink lines and expectations scribbled a part of her out.

  
Sometimes she caught a glimpse of herself in the rear-view, sometimes they were laughing at something completely obvious that Emma had said with such conviction that it sounded like she'd just made a ground-breaking discovery, sometimes it was the quiet moment after a kiss, sometimes she could just feel Emma's eyes on her cheek; yet when she caught herself in that mirror, the person she saw, she was a person she recognized, a person Regina had thought was put to bed long ago, lost under a blanket of disapproval, yet there she was.

  
Emma never judged. She'd tentatively disagreed with Regina's views that having a dinner set that wasn't still packed was pointless, eventually producing a vehemence that had been both as surprising as it was enchanting.

When she spoke, meek as she could be, Regina listened; and when she felt passionately about something, Regina's head turned in an awe she never envisioned herself having for another human being. Now the little disagreements amused her, the crease at the corner of her mouth or the dimple that appeared when she sucked her cheek in the closest thing to annoyed she knew how to be.

  
They were so opposite in some ways, yet together, they made sense.

Emma believed every house should have unpacked dinner plates, that pets were cute and that Regina shouldn't always refuse to tip at the drive through window just because there was barely any actual service involved. Sometimes Regina caught herself worrying about the size of Emma's heart, how easily she gave, not always material possessions, but pieces of herself - the shy smiles to the homeless they'd passed after their date, the way she tipped her paper for the dyslexic girl who sat beside her in quizzes.

  
Life before Emma had been fine, it had been a dull autumn day, cool and clear, yet now she had felt the warmth of the late summer rain on her face, Regina knew, she never wanted to go back.

  
"What are you thinking about?" Emma's head tilted slightly and Regina sighed as she felt the smooth pressure of lips against her jaw.

  
"Lots of things, you, your strange obsession with dinner plates..." She let a note of teasing creep into her voice, though not enough to break the moment.

Emma huffed quietly into her neck, tapping her lightly on the arm as she corrected her, "I just think everyone should have plates, that aren't taped up in boxes... It makes a house... home..."

  
"Obsessed. with. plates." Regina whispered the words, tipping Emma in her arms so she could press kisses to her cheek as she spoke.

Part of her wished she could retort that people made a house a home, but life so far had really given her no reason to believe such a thing, yet with Emma here, wrapped up in her arms in a house that was all her own, she hoped one day it would.

  
"You're cold..." It was an observation as much as it was a declaration as her lips withdrew from a cool cheek. Emma turned to her, and she was momentarily distracted by how contented she looked, so different from their early days, her eyes that were so light now, no longer elusive.

  
"You're keeping me warm..." The words were soft, bashful but not shy, and Regina was so transfixed that she didn't see the kiss coming until it was on her lips and she was humming her approval gently.

  
"Let's go back inside... I'll help you with the window, promise..." She uttered the words soft, letting them vibrate softly between their lips until Emma nodded and she moved away, jostling the girl out of her lap and helping her to her feet.

Neither of them spoke as Emma clambered through the window, clinging onto Regina's hand until she disappeared into the now darkened room, and swinging her leg over the thick wooden frame with practiced ease, Regina followed.

When her feet hit the floorboards, she turned, pulling the glass back down into place, shutting out the cold, before she noticed Emma perched on the edge of her bed.

  
The sight sent a fresh wave of uncertainty, excitement, fear, skittering through her veins, and she let her tongue dart out to wet her lips, smoothing her palms over the black trousers she still wore from school, her only nervous tell.

  
Moving to her nightstand, she flicked on the lamp, taking a soft breath as Emma's pale hair was turned golden in it's glow, her eyes watching, and suddenly, uncharacteristically, Regina felt out of her depth.

"Do you want to go downstairs? I can show you the dinner plates in their natural habitat?" The joked was lame, but an excitement and unease was making her heart beat faster, yet blood seemed to be bypassing her brain as she couldn't figure out why.

  
Something was forming in Emma's eyes, the set of her lips, he way she sat so close to the edge of the mattress, her palms flat against it's surface. "It's nice in here... Can we stay?"

Regina nodded, her throat suddenly too thick to form words, and she kicked off her shoes, moving to sit on the center of the mattress, watching as Emma kicked off hers and did the same.

  
"What are you thinking?" This time it was Regina's turn to ask, the feeling in the pit of her stomach swelling as she acknowledged it, though it calmed as a smaller hand slipped into hers and pulled her closer. She let her arms wrap around her slender waist, holding her close as she shrugged, though her expression contrasted the gesture.

Pale fingers worked their way up her neck to run through her hair and Regina relaxed into the touch.

She told herself she was reading too far into things, worrying about things that didn't need to be worried about, though the way Emma's lips were parted as if she had something she was trying to say, it left her still questioning, though part of her already knew.

  
"Emma... We should go downstairs, or put on a movie..." She kept her tone soft, yet she still heard a patronizing in it that was never intentional, and she felt it echo through Emma's body, though she didn't pull away. Whatever had been building behind her eyes deflated, and she nodded, Regina tried to catch her eyes but there were hidden again, and the pieces were making sense.

  
"Hey... Hey..." Her voice was soft as she let her fingers catch her chin, guiding it up until they were face to face again. "I want to stay here... I do..."

  
Emerald eyes dipped away again, her bottom lip mauled between her teeth for a second before she spoke, "You don't have to..." Her voice cracked a little and Regina hated herself for her lack of tact.

  
"I don't have to what? Emma... I..." She trailed off frustrated, and she could see the beginnings of a glaze threatening to creep into the girl's eyes.

  
Suddenly her chest was full and her room was too hot, no way to express all the feelings that swelled in side of her at the thought of Emma believing that she didn't want to be with her in every way, at the thought of her thinking she was anything less than the most beautiful and brightest thing in the world.

  
"I love you..." The words spilled out all by themselves, and blue eyes were on her with a surprise was both sweet and stinging, before Emma let out a soft breath, the corners of her lips pulling up.

  
"I love you..." The reply was soft and sweet and Regina felt like she was flying and falling and ready to burst under the weight of it all.

  
"I didn't mean that to come out so..." She couldn't find the words, too lost in all the emotion that was being whispered to her wordlessly by Emma's eyes. "I want to stay up here with you, believe me, I want you, all of you, I want to stay..." She was half way through her sentence when a soft voice cut her off, green eyes shy but determined as they held dark ones.

  
"So stay? Stay Regina... I want to stay here, with you, I... I want to be with you..." The words were honest, raw, and the teacher could see the strain it took to say them in the color on Emma's cheeks, yet she held her eyes still, bold, and her heart jumped in her chest.

  
She wanted to say yes, more than anything in the world she wanted to lay down beside her, just to kiss her, to hold her, to lay in her bed with her. She wanted to love her, suddenly her body ached to love her in every sense of the word, to have her totally, yet part of her still recoiled, part of her was still afraid, not just for herself, but for Emma.

  
"Regina..." As her dark eyes snapped back to Emma's face she realized she had been staring off to the side, lost in thought, anticipation and dread making her feel almost sick, yet as the girl leaned in to kiss her, she had found her antidote.

"I want to... I want us to... But if you really don't want to I..." As Emma stumbled over her words, doubting again if she was wanted, having no idea how much Regina had come to need her, how much she meant to her, she knew she had nothing left in her to resist with.

  
Air slipped between her lips as Regina shushed her, kissing her gently and searching her green eyes for any signs of uncertainty.

  
"There's nothing I want more than to be with you... I promise you..." The words were so emotionally candid, yet they were true, and Regina let them hang in the air between them for a few seconds, before brushing her fingers gently over Emma's cheek, she let her hand dip to her waist and guide her back onto the mattress.

Cool breath tickled her lips as she leaned down to kiss her, and she tried to ignore the way pale fingers were shaking as they twisted in her hair. Her body fit perfectly over Emma's, her hands bolder than they had ever been as finally she felt the shape of her through her clothes.

Thin lips pressed up against her own, and Emma's kisses grew faster, more urgent. Regina's body burned, liquid heat setting her a flame from the inside out from the point where Emma's thigh brushed against her.

Detaching her mouth from Emma's neck she lifted her shoulders until she could remove the girl's shirt, pausing for a moment until smoldering green eyes begged her to go on. 

"You're so beautiful..." She promised her over and over, whispering the words hot into the shell of her ear, against damp smooth skin lathed by her tongue. When the girl lay before her, bare save for her panties, Regina leaned back and quickly stripped herself down to her underwear before pressing their bodies together again.

Emma's fingers closed unexpectedly bold around her nipple, rolling it, teasing her through her bra and she didn't bother to fight a moan, settling her mouth back over Emma's as she pressed her palm against her through her underwear.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

Rolling her palm she let the girl adjust to the gentle friction, her own core burning in response at the soft moan that she was rewarded with, pale legs spreading wider for her.

"Do you know how much I've wanted you?"

Emma's head was pressed back, her blonde hair splayed across Regina's pillow, and she took a moment to revel in the sight, to commit it to memory, because without a doubt, this was one of the most beautiful, colorful, vibrant moments she owned.

"Show me..."

The command was breathy, the girl's voice an octave lower and delicious. Her eyes were molten lava, forests on fire, brilliant and hazed in their lust, and Regina was powerless not to follow the command. 

She was careful but efficient as she eased plain purple briefs down her legs, desperate and wanting as she watched Emma's chest heave with hungry breaths. Settling beside her she kissed her gently, her finger tips trailing up the inside of a bare thigh. Careful fingers brushed over soft blonde curls before they spread her open, silky wetness coating them as found her clit easily, rubbing softly over the hooded nub.

"Regina..." Slim hips canted up, the girls eyes already sliding closed. She was wet, incredibly wet, and Regina marveled at the soft sounds of her breath as she kissed her way down her neck, letting her tongue slick a hot trail back to her ear. 

"You are incredible, Emma."

Another breathy moan was her response. Her fingers slid lower, and she was pressing against her entrance, teasing, before she even realized it. Emma's hips pushed down to greet her, but something held her back. She knew from their earlier conversations that Emma was a virgin. 

"Regina..." Green eyes found hers. "I want you, please..." Her hips were still moving and the brunette knew she was close already, she ached to be in her when she came undone.

"Regina, I want you inside me..." The last word was lost to a moan and it splintered the last shred of her resistance like driftwood breaking under the weight of the tide. Her sweet, shy Emma, head back, eyes closed, no trace of shame as she waited for her to take her.

She swore softly under her breath, her lips pressed against Emma's damp cheek as she eased the tip of her finger into her, grinding the heel of her palm down against her clit, determined to make it pleasurable. A high pitched keen dropped into her ear, and she filled her, sliding in to her last knuckle, curling her fingers inside her tight heat, rubbing against her sensitive spot. 

Regina had barely gotten to have her, to make love to her like that, to savor her, before she felt Emma clenching on her finger. Lifting her palm from the girl's nub she rocked into her slowly, fucking her gently over the edge, tasting her name on Emma's tongue as the girls release soaked her hand. 

Fascinated, consumed and completely in love with her like this, Regina continued moving inside her, pulling moan after moan, sigh after sigh, and another powerful orgasm from her before finally, she let her finger slip out of her. 

"I love you, so much Emma Swan..." She whispered the words into the girl's ear as she pulled her close, wrapping the sheet around their bodies, ignoring the inferno between her own legs as Emma drifted easily to sleep. 

  
#

  
She was warm, pleasantly warm in a way she'd never woken up and felt. Something soft and smooth was pressed up against Regina's side, and as she realized that was the source of the warmth, she pulled it closer.

The sun was barely breaking the winter skyline, its glow cool, gray almost as it hung behind a cloud layer, though with the warmth beside her, Regina didn't need it, not today.

  
Some part of her knew it was Saturday, she knew that her alarm wouldn't ring out today, that she wouldn't have to get up and get dressed and do anything that wasn't staying exactly as she was and clinging to the ball of sunshine that had somehow landed in her bed. She was at peace, content, all the uncertainty that had been swallowing her gone now... The uncertainty, suddenly she remembered why. The soft kisses, wet green eyes, the drop of fabric on smooth wooden floorboards, the hitch of Emma's breath and their shallow breathing in the quiet of the night.

  
Sitting half way up almost instantly, Regina looked down and was almost amazed to see Emma still beside her, jostled by the sudden movement and burrowing further into the pillows. As much as Regina wanted to let her sleep, the way her heart jumped in her chest made her shake her gently awake.

  
"Emma... Sweetheart... It's morning... Wake up..." She whispered the words, dropping a few urgent kisses on her cheeks until finally green eyes opened and a disgruntled little noise slipped from her lips. Regina just wanted to lay down beside her again and hold her until they both fell back to sleep, yet the adrenaline creeping into her veins was ruining any chance of that.

  
"It's morning... you're not home, you're here, in my bed, naked..." The seriousness of her words were reflected in her expression as she held Emma's gaze numbly, surprised when a pale hand reached up as she let out a breathy laugh, and Regina found herself being guided down into a kiss.

  
"My Dad's away, he won't be back until Tuesday, maybe not even then..." Emma didn't explain any further and Regina didn't ask.

They were safe, their moment could go on uninterrupted, and as she let herself be pulled back down into the pillows she sighed softly. They were safe, and they had all weekend.  



	11. Chapter 11

Their weekend together had left her on a high, her body still burned deliciously from two days spent getting to know Emma intimately.

  
She'd dropped Emma off on the other side of the park early this morning, the girl had never offered to show her where her home was, and Regina had never asked, content to go along unknowing because it seemed safer that way.

Their weekend had been perfect, the best in her recent memory. They'd done so much, yet nothing at all, movies, take out and ice cream, nights spent tangled together until Regina had wondered where she ended and Emma began, if there was even a divide anymore. Being with Emma was unlike anything she'd ever experienced. It was soft and sweet with a need that burned so hard that sometimes Regina felt dizzy under its weight.

  
She knew she'd see Emma later in the day, she knew she'd have to pretend once again that she meant so little to her, so much less than she did. With her chest almost full to bursting, it felt almost impossible. Regina had never thought herself an emotional person, she thought herself cool, able to stay firmly in control, yet now she was so close to edge, spinning into the unknown, and surprisingly, she didn't want to stop.

  
The morning had passed in a blur of nothing more than the usual classes and papers; the afternoon was where things started to go South. With all the elation of her weekend with Emma still propelling her through the murky waters, Regina was determined not to let it get to her, and though it didn't, it bothered her in a way that she knew was a foreshadowing of things to come.

  
The principal was brusque but polite when she'd asked her into her office, curt but friendly as she'd inquired about a piece of paperwork to extend her contract that Regina had never received. Even as the woman apologized profusely for the document she had left in her cubby being misplaced, Regina knew there was a reason that form had been taken before she could sign it. She wasn't wanted there.

Her grip was firm, steady, as she held the pen, filling in her details, signing on the line and returning the pages with another apology, her shoulders were pulled back, her chin up even as tens of pairs of eyes watched through the staffroom door as she emerged from the office.

  
They'd talk about her, she knew, but she didn't care.

  
#

  
The week continued this way, her evenings with Emma her reprieve from her days spent wholly ignored, watched from a distance, every decision questioned, photocopies that she ordered that never came. It wasn't upsetting to Regina, her whole life had been a series of obstacles and she had leaned to simply crash through them without crying over the loss of the easy curve of the path, yet despite that, it was exhausting.

  
Thursday brought the worst of it. Her day at school had been typical, the hostility around her growing slowly, though she left it mostly ignored. Last class had dragged, Emma had barely looked at her, the car ride back to her house she had barely said two words, and discomfort bloomed in Regina's stomach hot and acidic.

Finally shutting the rest of the world out she let her fingers rest against the back of her front door for just a second, closing her eyes and trying to find something steady, a life raft in the flood. Suddenly she was tired down to her bones.

As she turned, dark eyes caught Emma's slim frame disappearing around the door into her kitchen, and something was undoubtedly off. She kicked off her heels, finding at least a modicum of relief, though something inside her was still uneasy.

"Want to tell me why you're avoiding me?"

Emma jumped, the juice she was pouring sloshed messily over the rim of one of the glasses, a purple puddle on the counter. Regina moved to help on reflex, taking the towel from pale hands and bumping Emma gently to the side.

"Let me..." Her words were interrupted by a hiss, Emma bent over clutching her side like she had been burned by the gentle touch.

"Emma..." She clutched the girl's arm gently, crouching down, panic creeping into her voice making it too high for her own ears. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Ocean eyes filled with tears met hers briefly, before they were back on the cold tile of her kitchen floor.

"I fell down the stairs last night at home." Emma had to pause to take a long, slow breath before she could continue, "I'm fine, just sore still."

Every word seemed to cost her a visible effort, and Regina didn't buy that she was okay for a second. She watched as Emma forced herself upright still clutching her ribs, her face sallow and even paler than usual with pain.

"Did you go to a doctor? You could have broken ribs or a concussion..."

"I'm fine, Regina, please!"

The edge in her voice cut through the fog that had blanketed Regina all day, suddenly she was wide awake and razor sharp. Emma had never raised her voice to her, and although this was hardly surprising behavior for someone when upset, for her, it was just so out of character.

Blonde curls brushed the back of her navy parka as without another word she walked away, turning right at the end of the hall, and no doubt making her way upstairs. Regina watched her go, momentarily shocked stationary and unsure if she should follow. When her feet finally allowed her to move, every stair she climbed had her mood turning more sour. On top of the week from hell, her girlfriend had got seriously hurt and she hadn't even known. Her mind stalled, fumbling the word she had used for Emma for just a moment, before she quieted it, more concerned with Emma's well being.

When she entered her room, Emma was face down on her bed, and just from watching her back rise and fall, Regina recognized that she was crying.

"Emma..." Her name was a whisper, an apology and a plea, as Regina approached her slowly, settling onto the bed beside her, careful not to jostle her. When the girl made no move to get up, she scooted closer, easily making herself the big spoon as was her preference. Her fingers hovered over Emma's slim frame, yet she was hesitant to touch, to hurt her accidentally. Just as she drew in a breath to apologize, to ask if she was okay, Emma spoke.

"I'm sorry..."The words were lost, muffled in the comforter, but Regina heard them.

"What's going on? Talk to me, Emma, please..." Her voice broke a little on the last word, and in another life, before she met Emma, Regina might have hated herself for that weakness, but now, all she cared about was her. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt at school?"

"You're not my girlfriend there, remember?"

The words hit a tender spot, and Regina had to bite her lip for a half a second before she could answer constructively. For the first time since she had met Emma, the girl finally felt closer to her teenage age.

"I hate that you're hurt, I'm worried about you. If that makes you angry, I'm sorry..."

Before she could finish Emma was pulling herself up, turning to look at her as best she could without twisting her body.

"I'm not angry. I'm sorry, Regina. I didn't mean to be so..."

Relieved the icy spell seemed to be thawing Regina moved closer, brushing a single tear from a pale cheek.

"I just hurt and I'm tired, and I don't want to talk about it, okay? I'm so clumsy, and it's embarrassing..."

Another tear escaped green eyes and Regina found herself nodding, though she was far from okay with Emma being so hurt. Reaching up slowly, she pushed the thick jacket back off Emma's shoulders, her fingers running softly along the neckline of her shirt.

"It's okay, you're hurting, it must have been a long day dealing with the corridors and cafeteria and people running into you," a long day that could have been avoided if she'd only told her, and let her look out for her, Regina forced herself to leave those words unsaid,"Let me take a look? I have some muscle rub in the bathroom, maybe a soak in the tub would help?"

Emma's green eyes were unreadable, and Regina studied them, darker and more guarded than she had ever seen them, before whatever had passed over the girl's expression broke and she nodded her consent.

Removing her coat and shirt was a struggle, and Regina wondered how on earth she was able to get herself ready for school alone.

"Is your Dad home?"

The body under her hands turned stiff as stone, green eyes were cold, almost empty when they looked up from where they had been watching her struggle with her shirt. Her lips pulled back into the barest beginnings of a defensive snarl before she answered with a single word.

"Why?"

"Just wondering who helped you get dressed this morning?"

This day was a write off, Emma was acting so strange, even her skin felt foreign, cool under Regina's fingers as she finally pulled off her shirt, like she was feeling her through a thin layer of glass. She stepped back to look at her and the glass shattered.

"Emma!" It was a question and an accusation and an exclamation of disbelief.

"Please Regina... Don't make a big deal...Please?" Something leaked in on that last plea, a sliver of the Emma she knew, her Emma, and although her head was reeling at the kaleidoscope of colors blown across her chest and back, the bruises that looked bone deep, Regina took a deep breath.

"Okay." Her palms slid up bare arms, and she tasted Emma's sigh as she kissed her gently, something shifting between them, the storm cloud that had been hovering over them finally evaporating. "Go sit down and I'll fill the tub, okay?"

Emma nodded and she left her alone, glad for the time to gather her thoughts. She was missing something, something was right in front of her, lost in the trees of those forest green eyes, yet tired as she was, Regina couldn't quite pick it out. Anger still simmered in her chest, frustration and a white hot flare of protectiveness thinking about Emma being bounced between bodies at school in the condition she was in. Anger that she couldn't have been there that morning to help her, and take care of her, anger that even if she could convince Emma to see a doctor, she couldn't sit with her in the exam room and hold her hand.

The tub was almost overflowing, clear water climbing too high up the cool porcelain sides. Stopping the faucets Regina added some of her lavender bath oil hoping it would help, and called for Emma to come through.

The thrill of seeing her naked usually made Regina's heart pound, long slim legs, flat stomach, small breasts hidden by golden curls, yet today, all it managed to do was ache at the sight of her.

"Regina..." Emma's voice was soft, and she reached out to her, tugging softly on the bottom of her shirt, shy in a way that was familiar and Regina acquiesced easily.

Her clothes hit the floor and neither said a word, she slid into the scolding water first, helping Emma down slowly until her back was pressed to Regina's front as she lounged between her legs. The breath of relief that escaped her sounded like sweet music to Regina's ears, and in it, she found a relief of her own.

They were quiet until the mirror on the wall was covered in fog, when she finally moved to press her lips against Emma's temple, it was covered in a thin sheen of sweat from the steamy room.

"I'm sorry I was such a jerk, I know you were just worried." Her voice was soft with remorse.

"I never want to see you hurt." Regina's admission was equally quiet as she gently wrapped her arms around the thin body in front of her. Wet fingers reached up to tangle with her own, twisting them slowly, letting drops of water catch the light as they trickled down them.

"At least I have you to take care of me."

Regina fought the urge to hold her tighter, determined to do just that.

#

Small comments had irked her all morning, passing questions about the homework she had set, students complaining about her class, and though she knew it was probably untrue or over exaggerated, it still got under her skin more so than before, because apparently whatever problem the staff had with her was leaking into her professional life. Regina could deal with the little social shunning they seemed to have organised, yet being told her homework assignments were too long or her classes pitched too high, it felt like an invasion. At least it was Friday.

She moved easily through the crowds, though she barely saw anyone, her eyes fixed on the door up ahead, focused only on retrieving her coffee and going back to her room to do her marking before anybody else could further sour her mood.

  
The staff room quietened significantly as she entered, though she let a rough smile pull at her lips, her eyes seeking out the teacher that had been so forward about the students apparent views on her class that morning.

"Afternoon..." The greeting was direct, and she took some pleasure in watching the woman squirm uncomfortably under the eyes of her allies as she was forced to answer.

  
Moving past the group, Regina headed to the coffee machine, stopping in her tracks as she saw the white sheet of paper that was crookedly tacked to it, reading 'Out of order' in a scrawled hand in thin red marker. Glancing around the room, she noticed the almost full coffee cups on tables, in hands, even being raised to lips, and without a second though, she pulled the sheet away from the black plastic of the machine and shoved a cup under the nozzle.

  
She wasn't surprised when coffee streamed out, it's familiar smell no different from any other day. Sticking the notice back in place, just as crooked as it was before, Regina picked up her cup, turned on her heel and left the room, unaware how annoyed she was until she could hear her own heartbeat in her ears.

  
Up ahead she could see Emma, hovering by her locker, pressing herself against the metal to let a group of girls pass, and suddenly, it was a little easier to breathe. Their eyes locked and Regina let her lips pull into a tight smile, knowing Emma had some idea things had been difficult at school lately, not wanting to worry her further.

  
The hand on her shoulder surprised her, and turning Regina was confronted with the now vaguely familiar form of the coach.

  
"Is there a problem with my class schedule and the football team?" She spat the words out quickly, abrupt and too direct, yet she was growing quickly tired of just taking everything that was thrown at her. The coach's expression hardened for a second before she glanced around and let out a breath.

  
"Look... Regina..." She older women stepped closer as she spoke and Regina suddenly found herself wondering what she was going to say.

"I'm sorry about... them... But here, with people like them, some things are better left unsaid, believe me when I tell you that I know that..." The coach hovered for a few seconds before she turned and disappeared down the hall, Regina watching her go with curious eyes a she tried to decipher what exactly she had meant.

  
The other woman was a full head taller, her hair cropped short, her physique closer to a football player herself than a woman, and Regina had noticed on their first meeting that she wore a wedding band - suddenly she knew. Taking a sip of her coffee, she felt almost bad for snapping at her only allie, and couldn't help but wonder how long the other woman had worked in this place where if you didn't fit the mold you simply had to keep your mouth shut.

  
Still irritated with the whole thing, Regina turned and headed back towards her classroom, sparing another glance at Emma as she did, though this time, the ghost of a smile she managed to find wasn't enough. The coffee burned her fingers through the thin cardboard of the cup until she set it down on the desk, and as she heard the door click closed, she knew she wasn't alone.

  
"Regina?" Emma's voice was careful, questioning, testing, but heavy with concern, and Regina could feel her heart beating out of time under the weight that had manifested itself around her neck so suddenly. She didn't reply, closing her eyes for a second and trying to forget all the comments that had somehow buried their way under her skin, all the looks that hadn't mattered until now, suddenly, they did.

  
"Regina..." Emma's voice came again, soft, low, familiar, and all she wanted was her, was to go to her and be with her, let slender pale fingers carry her high above all the hate, let herself get lost in green eyes until the final bell rang and she had the night to piece herself back together for tomorrow's onslaught.

  
She needed just to be with her, to have a stolen moment, a piece of time carved out of what was otherwise an impossible block to struggle through, and though she could feel her fingers loosening their hold on her desk, she told herself she wasn't about to do what she knew she would.

  
She turned quickly, catching Emma's hand and leading her to the back of the room, pushing her back carefully the door to the small supply closet as she reached around her to open it and they stumbled inside. Regina pulled the door closed behind them, though there was no lock to promise anything.

  
She heard Emma gasp softly, and instantly pulled her closer, carefully stepping back until she felt the wall behind her, her hands gentle, still conscious of the girl's injuries.

  
"Shhh..." the sound slipped so easily from her lips, so soothing yet it made her feel so guilty, like she was doing something so illicit, and she realized she was.

  
Moving forward, before she could change her mind, Regina let her lips find Emma's feeling the discomfort, the darkness, draining away as they kissed.

  
"Regina... Gina... Regina..." Her name was breathy as Emma said it, dropped between kisses as Regina felt fingers twist through her hair, the trials of the day all dissolving under her touch.

  
"Are you okay?" The last word slipped into a soft whine that tickled her lips as it left Emma's, and Regina knew she had to stop, they had to stop kissing, stop the way their bodies were winding together in the enclosed space.

Allowing herself a few more seconds, she kissed Emma hungrily, before letting her lips soften, pressing gentler kisses to the corner of her mouth before finally, she pulled away. "I will be, I just needed a moment with you, to just..."

She trailed off, a heavy sigh leaving her. Emma pushed her sideways gently in the darkness, and when the back of her knees bumped the top of a small shelving unit Regina complied and sat.

"How's the aching today?" She let her hands rub her back gently as she spoke, and felt the soft gust of air and tickle of hair catching her neck as Emma shook her head in the darkness.

The soft catch of breath and rustle of clothes told Regina Emma was moving. The press of cool palms on the inside of her knees, pushing her pencil skirt up her legs made Regina jump, her heart spluttering into a hammering stacato as she realized what as happening. Her lips lifted without her consent even as she protested, her body craving a release from the tension of the day.

"Emma... What are you doing? Emma..." Her skirt was up around her hips and fingertips were dancing against the soft skin of her thighs, and suddenly it was hard to breathe.

"You're still hurt..." Her protests were weak, and a mouth came to meet hers from the dark, covering her lips, a tongue catching the corner of her mouth, the urge to moan making her teeth ache as Emma pulled away.

"Let me take care of you, Regina." And god, she was an idiot, because she was going to. As foolish as this was, with Emma's cool fingers rubbing against her soaking flesh through her panties, her hips were already canting upwards, her traitorous eyes closing, and she had no strength to resist.

When she didn't respond, her panties were pulled gently to the side and Regina barely contained her sharp intake of breath before it became a desperately loud plea. Soft hair tickled her thighs, the sensation strange, though they had made love multiple times over the weekend, Emma had been besotted with learning to use her fingers to pleasure her, they had never discussed anything else.

"I've been doing some reading." The voice that answered her unspoken question was so close to her that warm air brushed her exposed center with every word, and she could only clench her jaw in response. "I hope this is okay."

Then Emma was licking her, her tongue so much bolder than Regina had expected it to be, tasting her from her entrance up to her clit. A strangled sound escaped her throat, though it died in her mouth as she kept her lips firmly pressed together, not quite believing this was happening, not quite believing it was happening here. Her body came alight instantly, her legs parting, muscles clenching, hips grinding slightly against the hot, wet muscle lathing over her clit.

Whatever Emma had been reading, Regina approved.

Slim fingers gripped the inside of her thighs, pushing them further apart, until Regina found herself leaning back, ass on the edge of her makeshift seat, head against the cold wall, while Emma crouched between her legs.

"Can you be quiet?" She felt every word of the question in her core, and the answer was no, absolutely not, but she nodded anyway, unable to form the words on her tongue to tell the lie.

Two fingers entered her swiftly, almost roughly and she keened her approval. Emma was faster, up on her feet her mouth already covering Regina's, swallowing the sound, though the soft hiss of her breath when she pulled away told Regina that the move had cost her. Concern for Emma's bruised body was almost enough to make her stop, to push the girl back for fear of her getting hurt any further, but as quickly as she had popped up, Emma disappeared back below her waist, and added her mouth back to working her.

She was already close to coming, adrenaline thundering through her veins and spurring her onward. The sheer stupidity of what they were doing added panic to the mix, plus the thrill of Emma's boldness, the almost roughness, desperation with which she had entered her and was fucking her now, it made Regina's blood sing and her walls clench tight around the digits pumping them.

All she could feel was Emma, her hands on her, in her, her mouth worshiping her closer and closer to falling apart. The world was gone, lost in the ashes of her burning body and the girl that could so easily set her aflame.

Slim fingers twisted inside her, pushing up against the spot Emma had taken great pride in learning that she loved last weekend, and Regina was close, so close, and then she was falling, fighting to hold her body still so as not to jostle Emma's bruised one as she jerked hard, clenching on Emma's fingers, coming against the tongue still lapping at her. Her orgasm was an explosion, and she felt ready to burst under the strain of reducing the noises that wanted to tear from her to soft whimpers held in her throat.

Her hands shook where they clutched the edge of the cabinet and the back of Emma's head, and Emma, her sweet Emma, licked her and fucked her slowly, until every last drop of tension had been drained from her body, every ounce of pleasure that the orgasm had to offer her had been wrung out.

"Sweetheart..."

It was barely a whisper, but Emma was already there, slower this time in getting up. Regina let her fingers brush over the soft skin of her cheeks, and kissed her slowly in the dark, a silent thank you as she tasted herself on her mouth.

"You're amazing." Emma's words were quiet, and full of wonder, and the gravity of the moment shook Regina down to her core. Nothing could touch her, not all the comments, the petty actions, or even their location. Emma was everything in that moment and she filled her up and bled her dry in a single breath, and she had no idea how to express that.

"I love you..."

Emma kissed her in response, reaching between them until Regina's panties were back in place, sodden, covering her equally sodden body. "Hold on until tonight, okay? Only two classes left."

  
Her voice was thick with her own want, and Regina knew that she knew would be sating that the minute her big old front door slammed closed behind them that night. The mention of class cut through her haze, and instantly she regained control of her limbs enough to push up to her feet.

Suddenly aware of their surroundings, she kissed Emma one last time. "We should go... We shouldn't, I shouldn't have, I just needed to be near you..." The admission fell out so much easier in the blackness and she could feel Emma smiling as thin lips found hers.

  
Tentatively opening the door, Regina glanced around, satisfied they were alone before Emma stepped out, her lips swollen in a way she hoped wouldn't be noticeable to anyone else.

"See you tonight?" Regina let a sliver of her intent glitter in her eyes, soak into her tone until it was rich as coffee and Emma flushed a little harder as she nodded.

Regina went back to her coffee as she watched her straighten her shirt, the navy parka slung over her arm as she walked to the door, her fingers lingering on the handle. She was almost loathe to drink anything now she had the faint taste of herself and Emma's mouth on her lips.

  
"Regina..." Emma paused as she turned around to catch her eyes, her lips tugged into an easy smile, "I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

The day in the store room was a one time occurrence, an occurrence that Regina beat herself up for, for days after it had passed. She had been reckless, stupid, she had risked everything because she was having a bad day, and even though Emma had largely initiated, she was still tormented by her own bad decision.

  
The engine idled, the last of the fog being evaporated from the windscreen as she waited by the park. Her coat was buttoned high and her thick black scarf was looped around her neck, and though she was well protected, Regina was still freezing. The cold winters in New England were so far from the considerably milder Miami ones, and her body was definitely taking it's time with adaptation.

  
Spotting Emma in the distance, she sat up a little straighter, rubbing together her hands as she watched the girl approach, marveling at how she looked perfectly contented in the same faded old parka she had worn that very first day they had met. A dress poked out from beneath the quilted material, dark material clinging to her legs in a way that made them look even longer than Regina knew then to be, and she smiled at the sight; Emma looked christmassy some how, and with the holiday imminent, it fit perfectly.

  
Late December had snuck up on her too fast, and Regina still had no idea why she'd agreed to go back to Miami to suffer her mother through Christmas, yet she had, and so she would, after Emma had assured her that she wouldn't be alone. Wednesday evening feeling hung in the air around her, though school had gotten out yesterday, and Regina let her head rest against the support as her eyes tracked Emma's progress towards the car.

Last weekend had been one of the rare weekends the two hadn't stayed together at Regina's house. Emma had said she had errands to run, and not wanting to pry, Regina had agreed, though her absence in bed that night had stung, making the thought of nine nights in Miami seem almost unbearable.

  
Stretching out her back, Regina looked down at her hands, horrified at the sickly purple color they seemed to be turning in the cold. When she looked back to Emma, she was even more horrified by what she saw. She was still making her way along the sidewalk, glancing up to the car occasionally, but several feet back, slinking along behind her, was a huge brown wolf.

  
Regina was frozen momentarily, before her fingers moved to open her door and then she thought better of it. Emma was close now, their eyes locking across the space as Regina gave a tight smile in response to her little wave. The wolf was about twenty paces back, trotting along, head low, tail high, and a quick calculation told her that Emma would make it to the car in plenty of time.

  
As soon as a pale face appeared at the side window, Regina was reaching across to throw the door open and beckoning Emma inside. "Get inside... Quick..." She watched as green eyes narrowed in confusion as she complied, shutting the door, before they held Regina's, waiting for an explanation.

  
"Are you o..." Regina cut Emma off as she spoke, her eyes back on the wolf that was picking up pace, galloping towards her car now, it's obsidian eyes now visible, seemingly fixed on her as it approached.

"There's a wolf... That wolf was following you..." She waited for Emma to gasp, to turn around and see it and shoot across the car into her lap, the way she did when anything scary happened on TV. What Regina didn't expect, was for her to fling the door open and run out towards it.

"What are you doing?!" Her words didn't even seem to register with Emma as she stood directly in the wolf's path, smiling as it ran towards her and butted her hip gently, though it almost knocked her off balance for a second. "Ruby!" The word was scolding but affectionate and Regina repeated it back under her breath, horrified as the pieces came together.

  
"That is your dog?" The words exploded out of her as Emma grabbed what she was still certain was a wolf by the collar, her fingers buried in its thick dark fur.

  
"She must have slipped out before I locked the door... She wants to come..." Suddenly two pairs of eyes were on her and Regina was slinking back in her seat ever so slightly.

  
"It wants to... Oh, no, Emma no... That... It's not coming in my car, or my house... It looks hungry... And smelly... And..." Regina trailed off with a huff, leaning back against the driver door and eyeing the dog cautiously, trying to ignore the pout she knew would be forming on Emma's lips.

  
"I'll take her back..." Emma sounded so deflated, and Regina almost relented, though the dog chose that moment to yawn, and seeing two rows of pearly white teeth, her resolve was quickly steeled. "Do you want to pet her first... You don't need to be afraid..." She sounded so sad yet so hopeful and Regina was already cursing herself for we inability to deny her.

  
"I'll come take a look... I don't think she wants to be petted though, I'm no good at petting." She unclasped her seatbelt, leaving the engine running as she stepped out, hovering behind the shield of her door for a few seconds before she moved forward.

Emma's slender little fingers around the collar were the only things keeping the dog away from her, and that thought was less than comforting as she moved forwards.

  
"She's... Nice..." The compliment rang hollow even to her own ears, but Emma laughed.

  
"I told you she's a Siberian husky..." Regina nodded, though her eyes were fixed on the dog.

  
"I've never seen a wolf before..." Emma huffed another little laugh, "She's not a wolf Gina, but they are related." Regina nodded again, smoothing her palms over her jeans and ignoring the way Emma smirked at the tell, "Well, I really like her brown fur... And her beady eyes... And her huge, sharp, teeth..."

  
Emma patted the dog on the head and it nuzzled her leg, and for a second, Regina could see why it might not be so bad, perhaps. Taking a deep breath, she took a tentative step closer, though as midnight dark eyes whipped back to her, she found herself stumbling back behind her door and into the car. "I'll just wait here..." She called the words gingerly, shutting her door and watching Emma give her an amused little smile, before she turned and began to run back down the sidewalk the way she had came.

To Regina's absolute horror, the wolf bounded after her.

  
#

  
"I'd rather take you home and know you're safe..." Regina stabbed her noodles with her chopsticks, though she didn't bother to raise any to her lips.

  
"I will be safe, I'll say goodbye to you and take the bus... I don't have to come inside the airport with you, if you don't want..." Emma's eyes dipped down to the chopsticks in her own hands, which although she couldn't use with Regina's practiced ease, she could now eat with.

  
"Of course I want you to come inside, we'll just have to be careful... I wish you could come with me..." Regina mumbled the last statement, amazed even herself at how out of sorts she'd be without Emma for a little over a week.

  
"You won't always be so cold in Miami" Emma put in with a little shrug, sticking the chopsticks into the carton in her lap and reaching across the small space to take Regina's hand, squeezing it gently as she held her carton. "Eat your noodles... you love noodles... I've almost eaten more than you, it's worrying."

Regina couldn't help but smile as she used their interconnected hands to pull Emma in for a kiss.

  
"Eat your noodles and I wont tell anyone that you're afraid of my dog..." The words crept into the last breath of the kiss, a hint of teasing in Emma's tone that was almost paradoxical to how sweet it was, yet it made Regina smile even wider.

  
"I'm not scared of your wolf dog, I just don't feel the need to touch it... That's all..." She told herself it was only half a lie, because really, scared only covered half of what she felt about the huge mass of fur that Emma had returned home then talked about for a full half an hour afterwards.

  
A soft hummed response tickled her lips and Regina kissed her again before she set her carton aside. "I got you something, for Christmas." She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a little black jewelry box, which she had only managed to wrap in newspaper, watching as Emma's eyes lit up at the sight.

  
"I got you something too." Regina watched with curious eyes as she set her noodles on the dashboard and reached into the backpack that she had wondered why she'd brought. The gift was wrapped in pale blue Christmas paper and covered in silver snowflakes, tied with a deeper green ribbon, and it instantly reminded her of Emma's eyes.

  
"You didn't need to do that..." She trailed off as she dropped her little gift into Emma's lap and retrieved her own substantially larger one. Whatever was under the paper was soft and pliable under her fingers, squashy almost and she couldn't help but wonder what it was that Emma had given her.

  
"Neither did you", Emma replied simply, as she turned her little box shaped present over in her hands, smiling down at it as she felt its weight.

  
"I have a job, and money, and I don't have tests to be studying for"Regina shot back.

Emma shrugged and let her eyes catch darker ones, "I wanted to get you something. And besides, I'm not worried about my tests, I happen to know my teacher pretty well..."

"You know I would never let you cheat on your papers! I..." She spluttered over how to continue. Emma just laughed and laughed.

  
Finally recovering from her own laughter, Regina and let the package fall into her lap, reaching out to Emma. "I'm sure I'll love it, maybe not as much as I love you, but close." Emma smiled a smile that creased the corner of her eyes and suddenly, everything was right in the world again.

  
"Promise you won't open it until Christmas day?" Emma's voice was soft, emanating from somewhere in the crook of her neck and Regina nodded as she kissed her hair.

  
"I promise."

  
#

  
The goodbye had been harder than Regina had anticipated. Emma's tears had turned their kisses salty, and even hidden only by the hood on her parka, she couldn't make herself care that they might be caught when she was kissing her for the last time for nine whole days.

  
The plane was flying down the runway now, and Regina told herself it was stupid to be so lovesick, like a love sick teenager, then she reminded herself that Emma was a teenager, and she apparently was making up for things she never cared to experience as one. She could deal with the distance, at least she thought so, yet she knew it was the almost total lack of contact that would kill her.

  
Emma had no phone, Regina barely remembered the garbled story about dropping it in a fish tank at the aquarium, though she remembered to blush on Emma's cheeks vividly, the way she had scrambled to reassure her that none of the fish got hurt by her accident. She remembered clearly the little shrug she'd given as she explained that she'd never managed to replace it.

Regina had the little scrap of paper with the email address EmmaAndRuby@hotmail.com scribbled on it in Emma's usual neat hand folded away in her wallet, yet she knew the girl barely got to the library across the other side of town to use the computers to check, and so on the whole, they'd be out of touch.

  
The plane was picking up speed now, flying down the runway, the back-lag making Regina feel almost glued to her seat, until finally, she felt the momentary defiance of gravity as it bumped into the air. Her dark eyes stayed on the terminal, and then on the town as they climbed higher and higher, and eventually all she had left to look at was the top of the city's skyscrapers, before they too disappeared behind a thick layer of cloud.

  
Sitting back in her seat, ignoring the couple beside her that were holding hands, she closed her eyes. As she listened to the chatter buzzing around the cabin, she let her mind wander back down to Earth, back to Storybrooke, back to Emma. It occurred to her quite suddenly that she'd never felt homesick like she did right now, and with that thought came a realization that stayed with her for most of the flight.

She'd never had anything to leave behind before, never had any reason to miss a certain place, and similarly, she had never had anything to go back for, any reason to look forward to going home. As electronic devices were finally permitted and Regina instantly retrieved her iPod from her carry on, her fingers brushing the crisp paper of her gift from Emma, she knew now, that she did.

#

Nine days had dragged harder than REgina had ever realized was possible, and stepping off the plane, even in the little tunnel that took her towards the main terminal, she could feel the crisp Maine air, she could feel somehow, that she was home.

  
Her case jittered and clicked as it rolled along behind her, though she barely noticed it, her car keys already in her hands as she tired to get ahead of the crush and to her car as soon as she could. She had to see her.

  
Nine days had never felt so long in her life, not even when she was a prisoner, hiding out in her mother's house and searching for the job that had eventually lead her here to begin with, yet this vacation had seemed to be set to last forever.

  
Things had gone exactly as she knew they would. Her mother fussed over her being home for the best part of two minutes before she disappeared into what was once her father's study to finish revising a chapter of something or other that Regina didn't care enough to inquire about. Tension built quickly, exchanges became more curt, and by Christmas day, Regina was about ready to leave and check into the Hilton just to escape, though she forced herself to stay.

  
There was more talk about her writing books, moving home, about her father and his wishes, and as another passenger bumped her bringing her back to the present, she knew without a shadow of a doubt, this was her home now. The thick material over her arm slipped a little and she caught it quickly, gathering it up before it could drag on the dirty ground, a smile on her lips.

  
She'd waited until Christmas day to open her gift, just like she'd promised, and though she'd been all set to sneak away to her room, something in her was just so tired of hiding, and so she brought the brightly wrapped rectangle down and sat in front of her mother when she did. She remembered the look she'd received, the question of who it was from, and her mother's face when she had replied that it was from her girlfriend. Her reaction didn't matter to Regina, all that mattered was that she had just called Emma her girlfriend, to another living, breathing, human being, and it felt amazing.

  
She'd peeled the tape and folded back the paper carefully after untying the ribbon, loathe somehow to tear it. She'd missed Emma so sorely, her nights were so empty, and unlike her old self, she found no comfort in that. The blue paper had fallen away and inside was a thick woolen blanket, the yarn soft under her fingers as she felt the intricately woven pattern that held it together. It was perfect, and best of all, it was a serene green leaving her amazed that Emma had remembered the day she'd asked her favorite color and she had replied by simply saying the color of her eyes, corniness be damned.

  
As she weaved her way through bodies, sidestepping the line for the baggage carousel, glad she just had her carry on, Regina pushed herself to walk a little faster, even more anxious to get home, to make six pm come sooner, to have Emma back in her arms, as she though of the second part of her gift.

  
She'd lifted the blanket from it's paper, not caring that her mother was watching with judgemental eyes as she held it to her face and inhaled deeply, the scent of Emma that clung to it making her heart both soar and fall. The little box had tumbled out onto the carpet, and she'd snatched it up fast before the other woman could, studying its familiar plain black exterior before she snapped it open, her eyes growing wide at what was inside.

  
The little white gold heart hung around her neck on its chain now, the cool metal comforting against her skin, though she had been slightly appalled by its initial appearance. It was expensive, far too expensive for a student, and she wondered where Emma had gotten the money - she knew exactly how much it cost because two weeks before she had gone to the small jewelers on the outskirts of town and bought her the exact same thing. She smiled softly to herself at the memory, at the coincidence, as she finally made it through the siding doors and out into a cool Maine afternoon.

  
Her car was parked on one of the park and fly lots and she set off towards it, her head down against the breeze as she let the happiness she felt at being back, being home, wash over her. The blanket was warm over her arm and the necklace was always present around her neck, just as beautiful as she'd remembered it to be when she'd chosen it herself.

  
It was like them in some ways, Regina remembered writing as much in one of her notebooks. If you took the time to look, to really see, the clever curves of the gold, the tiny details down one side, it was beautiful, perfect, yet at a passing glance it was subtle, secretive almost, all the things that made it perfect hidden to anyone who didn't know how to see it just right.

  
The breeze whipped her dark hair around her face as she rounded the corner into lot C, and headed in the general direction she and Emma had parked her car, the last time she had seen her. Her heart picked up a little at the thought of seeing her again, of holding her kissing her, laying in bed with her and showing her all the ways she loved her. New years eve had never been a big deal to Regina, it was just another night in time, no different from the one after or before, yet this year, it felt like a milestone. Next year was suddenly so full of promise, she had so much to share and finally, someone to share it with.

  
Looking up and scanning the space for her car, Regina caught sight of something that had her almost dropping her keys as a laugh instantly slipped from her lips. Emma was waiting for her, leaning against the hood of her car, her fingers tracing patterns onto the shiny metal. From beneath the navy parka thick tights and the hem of a warm cream dress were showing and boots hugged her legs as her blonde hair billowed back over her shoulders.

  
The sound must have carried because suddenly, green eyes were on her, and Regina was running. Every preconception she might have had about a scene like the one she was suddenly so unexpectedly part of, were gone, as each step brought her closer and closer to the girl she had missed so badly for the last nine days. Her case jumped and clacked as it was dragged over the rough surface, but he didn't stop, not until finally she was close enough that she could let go of the handle, ignoring the clatter as it fell to the floor and Emmajumped into her arms.

  
She held her tight, her fingers already tangled in her hair before she pulled back, giving herself just a second to look at her, to memorise every perfect feature that had been on her mind the whole time she was away, before they were kissing, all the emotion they hadn't been able to share for so long flowing out to fill the space between them until it was warm and bright, alight with it all.

  
Regina was breathless by the time they finally parted, and Emma's eyes were shining as she looked up at her.

"I missed you..." Her voice was soft, breathy and Regina couldn't help but laugh, elated by it all

"I missed you, I missed you so much..." Any regard they had for prying eyes was long gone now, everything but the two of them irrelevant as they kissed and held each other until finally Regina announced that they should leave before her ticket ran out and they got stuck in the lot. She laughed harder than she'd laughed in so long as Emma went to retrieve the fallen case and struggled to pull it further than three feet without using two hands.

  
The moment was perfect, and as Regina slammed her trunk closed and slid into the passenger seat, looking across at Emma already in her place by her side she knew, this was how she wanted to spend every new year, every Christmas, every day for the rest of her life - wrong or right, she wanted it to be with her.

  
#

  
"How will we know when it's time?" Emma's voice cut through the haze of endorphins that were still flooding her bloodstream, and Regina turned beneath the sheets letting her dark eyes find green through the dim light as she replied.

  
"I'll check my phone... Two more minutes..." Her voice was still thick, still low and scratchy, filled with gravel as she nuzzled into a warm neck, kissing her until she giggled. The clock had fallen from the nightstand sometime after they'd first tumbled into bed, and retrieving it now, just seemed like too much effort.

The thin chain around Emma's throat was cool against her lips, and she could feel the familiar weight of her own identical necklace comforting around her own neck.

  
It felt so good to be home, and now, this was home in a way only Emma could make it.

Sighing into the silence, Regina remembered walking through the door into her big old house earlier, the rooms cold and dark, though it smelled like she remembered. Emma had instantly stepped past her through the doorway and hurried around the house. She remembered looking up from rummaging through her bag for her phone charger, and being amazed at the way the house had come to life under her touch. Lamps were lit, the TV was playing a music station, she could hear the ticking in the pipes that told her the heating was kicking in, and to her surprise, Emma was in front of the wood burner, lighting a fire in the hearth that she had never used before.

  
Looking up at the other girl, she kissed the smooth skin over her collar bone gently, silently marveling at how wholesome she was, how homely, how warm; how she was everything that Regina had always thought she herself could never be.

She let her imagination run away with her; she usually forbade herself from thinking to far ahead, but she allowed herself a small concession. She imagined the kind of home they could have together, one where her bed was theirs, and there wasn't a deadline to drop Emma back off somewhere else every night. She let herself get lost in the fantasy, until finally, Emma's voice brought her back to reality.

  
"I don't want to miss it... We need to make a wish at midnight." Emma's fingers were running through her hair in a way that made Regina wonder if she actually wanted her to get out of bed and reach across to the other side of the nightstand to retrieve her phone.

  
"We won't miss it... I promise., but I just remembered I have been meaning to talk to you about something." She tilted her head back slightly so she could see Emma's eyes illuminated only by the small lamp in the corner of the room, "Our Christmas gifts... Emma, you didn't tell me you can knit, and these are $200 necklaces, you shouldn't have spent so much..."

  
Even in the low lighting she could see her cheeks turning pink, and she let her head fall sideways until all Regina could see was the smooth angle of her jaw and the soft waves of her golden blonde hair.

  
"I just... I wanted it to be nice..." Her voice was quiet, laced with audible embarrassment, but Regina just didn't feel ready to let it go.

  
"The blanket was nice... Not that the necklace isn't perfect, and it isn't... strange in a good way that we both chose it but... You don't have job, you don't need to spend money on me like that..." She tried to find her eyes, but they were hidden.

  
"You're always cold so...I just..." Emma was blushing almost crimson now and feeling bad for casting the color there,Regina leaned down and pressed her lips to her neck, "You always... pay for dinner and things, I just wanted to..."

She trailed off and Regina shuffled herself upwards, catching her chin gently with her fingers and leaning down to kiss her.

"You'll make it up to me one day." The words were light-hearted, yet they contained a sentiment that they had never really discussed but both seemed to know - one day, the future, whatever that may be, it was mapped out to consist of them together. "How on earth did you afford it?" She couldn't help but ask, curious.

  
"I had savings..." Emma trailed off again and Regina just kissed her, her chest so full of love, of every kind of emotion. Material possessions didn't mean a particularly great amount for her, but the gesture behind it, the fact that Emma had given her so much, that meant more than she could say.

  
"Thank you... I love it, and I love you..." Her tone was soft, her voice barely above a whisper as Emma nodded, releasing a soft gusty breath against her lips before she replied, "I love you too, so much."

  
Content Regina laid her head back down and as Emma's chest lifted below her as she sighed, contented, she suddenly had an idea that finally gave her the will power to sit up and break away from the touch. Reaching across for her phone, she tapped the display, pleased to find it was only 11:33pm - she still had time. Replacing the device on the surface, she scanned the dimly lit room for her clothes, seeing various items scattered in a trail that ran from the door to her bed.

  
"I want to do something... for New Year... I think you'll like it..." She saw the reluctance in Emma's eyes as she spoke and she smiled at how dead set she was on making her wish, "We won't miss it, I promise, now get dressed, we need to leave." Another kiss sealed the deal and Regina reluctantly left the warmth of her sheets, tossing random items of their discarded clothing back at Emma until they lay in a heap at a feet and they were both doubled over with laughter.

  
#

  
It seemed like a strange place to be on new years eve, yet with Emma beside her, wrapped up in one of her oversize coats, and a hot fudge sundae in one of the cup holders between them, Regina knew it would be perfect. Emma looked almost odd without her parka. Though Regina had seen her in various states of undress and she usually removed the jacket indoors, it was altogether strange to see her in a different one entirely. Her green eyes were looking out over the water, to the city in the distance, and Regina watched as she absent-mindedly sucked melted chocolate from a spoon, as she waited.

  
It seemed like a fitting place to be on new years eve, at least for them. Their spot by the water was where it all really began; it was the place they had their first real conversation, the place they came later to eat together and learn about each other's lives.

  
Retrieving her phone from her pocket, Regina slid her thumb across the screen, watching as it unlocked, and the clock application that she had open showed that there was half a minute left until midnight. Moving further across her seat, she leaned over and pulled Emma close to her, passing her the phone, and watching her watch the seconds tick by.

  
"Ten, nine, eight, seven..." Emma counted down, and Regina just watched, she let herself enjoy the last few seconds of a year that had brought her so much, something so wonderful and unexpected that sometimes, she still had to convince herself it was real. "Six, five, four..." She kissed Emma's cheek gently, smiling in response to the smile she elicited, as she read off the final numbers. "Three, two, one..."

  
Fireworks exploded into the sky, a huge display shot up from several places scattered around the city, outside efforts chipping in to light up the dark of the night. With the lights and the colors replayed across the water's surface, the view took Regina's breath away.

  
She watched it reflected through Emma's eyes, curious as they squeezed closed for a few seconds, though she knew what she was doing, and silently, she uttered her own wish. Once her eyes had opened again, Emma had slid easily across the seats, her tiny frame meaning she fit just barely in Regina's lap, between her body and the wheel, her arms around her neck as they watched, quiet, until the lights and the bangs began to grow further apart.

  
"I love you..." Those were the first words Emma said to her that year, and Regina replied just as easily, "I love you too. What did you wish for?"

  
Emma hesitated for a moment, and Regina knew she was debating if telling would invalidate her wish, but as green eyes found hers again a smile pulling at her lips, Regina already knew they'd wished for the same thing, even before she uttered the words that confirmed it, "I wished for another year with you."

#

The year that had begun with so much promise was quickly becoming a disaster, and Regina was finding it emotionally exhausting in a way she had never experienced. The necklace felt heavy around her neck, though she tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach and focus on following her lesson plan. The empty seat almost at the back of the class called out to her, distracting her every time she thought she was gaining focus.

She told herself that Emma probably just had a cold, nothing serious, though it was beginning to dawn on her that if anything had happened to her, despite their relationship, she'd be one of the last to know. She pushed those thoughts away.

  
"Alright, five minutes, timed practice, answer all of question one, no talking. I'll be picking someone at random to read our their answers at the end." Pens began to scratch paper hurriedly and she sat back in her seat, trying not to use the time to torment herself, yet the grading in front of her remained untouched.

  
Things had been perfect since new year, two whole weeks of perfection. The post holiday period together had been bliss, and Regina winced at how cheesy her own thoughts were becoming, but she knew it was true.

Emma had spent the time before school came back in mostly at her house, something about waking up with her every morning, falling asleep with her every night, learning how domestic she was despite her age, it was magic. Even when school started again and they slipped easily back into their routine of dinners and sleepovers whenever Emma's father was out of town.

Regina couldn't help but get a picture of the life they might one day have from what they were doing, the kind of life they could share together - one she had never thought she was cut out for before. Together, they could be happy.

  
A loud coughing fit erupted from the second row and she looked up immediately, making sure it silenced itself and didn't become a group coughing gag before once again, her eyes were on Emma's empty seat and she was holding the little heart around her neck between a finger and thumb.

  
They'd agreed to wear the gifts even at school - it was a small town and it was feasible that they could have received the same gift without risking raising any suspicions. Regina still remembered how happy Emma had been all that day after she'd learned that she wouldn't have to take it off.

  
Her eyes flicked back to the clock and the second hand that was rapidly approaching five minutes, and she sighed, resolving to put it out of her mind, at least until later when she was alone. Checking her phone for any new emails one last time, Regina stood and took a deep breath. "Okay, time's up, stop writing, you're all done. Parker, would you like to read out your answer to section A please?"

  
#

  
Tuesday came and went, and still even though Regina watched from her room as the rush filed by at lunchtime, even though she walked around the cafeteria to check, there was no sign of Emma. Her suspicions were confirmed come last period, when her seat was once again empty.

By evening she was restless, imagining all kinds of things that logically she knew were unlikely to have happened, yet she couldn't write off as impossible. Her dinner alone by the water was spent brooding, her cell phone always in her hand, her email program open though nothing ever came.

  
She'd managed to go home for all of half an hour before she'd had to leave to do something, anything, but sit around and wonder, sit around and miss her. Her drive around town had been fruitless, but then again, she wasn't sure what she had hoped it might bring.

She parked outside the library for almost an hour, the radio keeping her mind quiet, until once again, she had to move. It was close to 10pm by the time she pulled into the store's lot, and she hovered in and around the TV dinner aisle until close to 11pm, before finally, she gave up and went home for another restless nights sleep with the knitted green blanket tucked close around her body.

  
#

  
'January 19' Was scrawled in the corner of the board and Regina reached up to wipe it away, another day passed, another hour spent staring at the empty seat, and she was just exhausted. She told herself she was thinking too much, being overly emotional, but with three days gone and not a single word from Emma, she was finding it increasingly hard to convince herself that she was just off with a bout of the flu.

Even the idea that she was sick and she couldn't go to her, she couldn't hold her and tuck her into her bed, which somehow felt like their bed now... Nothing sat right with Regina anymore.

  
"Regina?" Her bag was in her hand and she was halfway into her thick black wool coat when the interruption came from the doorway.

  
"Do you need something?" Her response was curt, and she didn't even need to turn around to recognize Robin's familiar drawl. Her fingers worked the buttons up the front of the coat, closing them as she retrieved her car keys from one of the pockets, ready to move swiftly past him and make a break for her car - she was in no mood to deal with Robin Loxely, not tonight.

  
"Actually... I wondered if we could talk?" She could hear the discomfort in his voice and she wondered if it was guilt or boredom or another misguided attempt to sleep with her that had brought him to her door.

  
"I think we did quite enough of that once upon a time, and next time I want to make a public announcement, I'll just use the bulletin board. Have a good night." She spat the words out with a little more venom that she usually would, more than she intended, as she slipped past him, not looking back when he called out her name again, her heels clicking loudly on the ground under foot and not stopping until finally, she was in her car.

  
The journey home was a blur of questions, thoughts, feelings, all the things that were so unfamiliar to her, things that would have seemed stupid to her back in Miami. Her life used to be concrete goals, things she could touch and measure, and she realised how messy having it any other way could be - yet being with Emma, feeling the things she felt for her, good or bad, she knew she wouldn't take it back.

  
She drove by the turn off to their usual spot, unable to bring herself to go to the line of restaurants they frequented there and get a take out for one, she wasn't sure she could eat anyway. She gunned the car towards the outskirts of town, away from the City and out into the suburbs, where she could drive without being hindered by the rush hour and let herself think.

  
Letting instinct take over and steer the curves of the road, feel the hum of the gas pedal below her foot, the bite of the clutch just like she always had with her manual shift cars, and she started to try to unravel the situation and work out what had happened, if and where she had gone wrong.

  
Everything had been perfect, so easy, Emma had seemed so happy, and no sooner had Regina thought it than doubt started to creep in. What if it was too much? Too serious? So much so soon for somebody who was a virgin until they met and had never had a relationship and been on a date.

Emma had gone from that to practically cohabiting, and suddenly a new fear was lodging itself into Regina's mind. Had she rushed her? Her immediate answer was no. Almost every step they had taken had been driven by Emma, their first date, the first time they slept together, the habit of staying together whenever they could...Regina hadn't asked for any of it, and although she loved it, she knew it wasn't something she'd pushed for. Yet she still wondered.

  
Night was closing in around the car now, and something in her reminded her to turn on the headlights as she rounded another tight bend in the middle of a sleepy little town she'd never been to before. Her fingers drummed the steering wheel gently as she thought, stopping only to grip it to make corners, before they picked up their rhythm again.

She thought of all the things she'd done in college, all the girls, the mistakes, the things that Emma would never get to do if they stayed together. She wondered if Emma herself had realized that and changed her mind. Yet selfishly or not, Regina just couldn't imagine Emma with anyone else, just like she couldn't imagine it for herself. They were too good of a fit, too happy, and the thought of that being replicated elsewhere, really did seem impossible.

  
By the time she pulled back into her drive, even more tired than she had been to begin with,Regina hadn't answered any of her questions, just raised more. She didn't know if Emma was sick, and the realization that although Emma meant the world to her, to the outside world she was nothing to the girl but her teacher, and she wouldn't even be told if she was, it hung heavy around her neck.

She didn't know if Emma had changed her mind, if she'd made mistakes, let things go too far to fast, she just knew that life without her seemed impossible now, and considering that as a possibility was just too hard.

  
She didn't even bother to lock her front door as she stepped over the threshold. The house was cold and dark, and there was no Emma to coax the old heating system into life, to turn on lamps and make a fire. Unable to bear the thought of doing any of that, Regina walked straight upstairs and flopped down onto her bed.


	13. Chapter 13

By the next day, Regina had almost given up. She didn't expect to see Emma when she arrived at school, and so, before first class when a flash of blonde caught her eye as she stepped out of her room to check for any late comers, her heart jumped instantly into her mouth.

  
"Emma?" Her voice betrayed more than she'd like and the girl jumped at its sound, only the two of them and a few stragglers left in the corridor. Regina watched her close her locker and waited for her to come towards her, instead, confused, she watched her walk away. Her heart sank and for the first time, her fear that she had lost her had grounds to be true.

  
The morning passed slowly, a blur of questions and answers, of things scribbled across the board and trying not to think about her, about it, about everything. By lunch, Regina was ready, nerves making her feel sick yet determined as she waited outside her classroom, pretending to be supervising the comings and goings and the general rush to the cafeteria.

Emma appeared out of nowhere and Regina had to swallow down some of her fear. Her heart was beating hard in her chest, and she was pleased green eyes hadn't spotted her as she made her way through the crowd until she was standing beside her.

  
"Emma, we need to talk... please..." She added the last word quietly, conscious of their setting yet unable not to say it. The way she refused to look at her, cut Regina deeper than she'd imagined it would. "Emma..." She was about to try again when the locker was closed with a click and Emma turned to make off down the corridor. Without thinking, Regina grabbed her wrist.

  
As soon as her fingers closed around her slender arm, Regina knew she was treading on such dangerous ground, and although the swell of bodies around them was cloaking what was happening, it would only be so long before one of them noticed and in seconds, the eyes of the whole school would be on them.

Emma turned back to her, her lips twisted down a little in a way that made Regina think she almost looked in pain, and as she glanced down at her hand around her arm she could see why.

  
Purple bruises that were just beginning to fade to brown were visible under her fingers, and in the time between her pulling away her hand and Emma yanking down her sleeve, she could make out at least two clear impressions of fingers.

  
"What the hell?" She exploded quietly, her dark eyes on green, "Don't you dare run away from me, if you love me at all..." It was a dirty trick, a dangerous one with so many other people in earshot, but with the image of those bruises still fresh in her mind, Regina was powerless not to do whatever it took to get the answers.

Emma lingered, though her eyes were wide and already shining with tears, and satisfied she would stay, Regina let her voice soften.

  
"Emma... What happened? You're hurt..." She took a step closer, careful to keep a decent amount of distance between them, yet get close enough to make sure she could hear her response. None came. "Please... I've been so worried, just... God, please?"

She was pleading now, any other time she might have felt weak, but given the situation, she couldn't feel anything but sadness that she had been hurt, anger at whoever had put those marks on her and at herself for not protecting her, and confusion as to why she hadn't come to her.

  
"I... It was... I just... I was playing with Ruby..." She had always been a terrible liar, and the fact that she was making up excuses about this terrified Regina. She opened her mouth to speak, but she knew Emma saw that her lie had been caught, and before she could voice her concerns, she was left with the faint smell of strawberries, as Emma turned and disappeared into the crowds, leaving Regina unable to follow.

  
#

  
She'd slipped into the classroom quiet as ever, and as Regina watched her walk to her seat she could see a stiffness in her body that wasn't usually there, one arm that stayed close to her side, guarding it almost, and she was terrified of what that meant.

Staying at the front of her last period class felt impossible, and for the first time in their relationship, being student and teacher felt like too much to take.

  
Regina didn't want to be her teacher in that moment, she didn't want social obligation to hold them apart and keep her from going to her, from finding out what happened, if she was more hurt than she had seen, and protecting her from it ever happening again; she just needed so desperately to be with her. She needed to be Regina Mills, taking personal time to be with her partner, not all the other things that were thrown into the mix and left it all in such a mess.

  
The eyes that watched her and even now, the hands that were raised to answer questions, she was drowning under their weight, and every time she looked to the back of the class and green eyes evaded her, she was denied a life raft.

  
The hour dragged on and Emma didn't look up, she refused to look at her and Regina continued to cycle through every negative emotion, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, all coloring the world gray while she fought to go on without letting any of it seep into her voice as she taught. She wondered if she blamed her, if Emma thought she ought to have protected her or come to find her rather than waiting for her to reappear back at school, and so many questions were so unbearably unanswered.

  
The final bell crept up on her, and she dismissed the class, torn over asking Emma to stay behind, scared of both the rejection and the scene it would cause if she refused. She watched, her dark eyes tracking her as she stood from her seat, shoving her books into her bag and leaving without a backward glance. Every part of her wanted to run after her, but she forced herself to watch her go.

  
Her hands shook as she shoved her stacks of papers into her own bag and she could feel red hot tears, so unfamiliar as they started to prick at the back of her eyes - she didn't remember the last time she'd cried, but she guessed it was sometime around her father's death.

  
She stormed out of her classroom, forgetting to turn out the lights and made straight for her car, knowing Emma was only a minute or so ahead of her in the opposite direction. Remembering some grade predictions that were supposed to be handed in today, she turned, forcing herself not to run as she headed back the way she had come towards the staff room.

They didn't stop talking when she entered anymore, that phase of her unofficial exile had passed. She was an outsider now, they all knew it, there was no reason to continue to enforce the fact, and tonight, Regina was grateful.

  
She shoved the papers into the principal's cubby and turned again, too preoccupied to notice the way Robin was trying to catch her eye as she left again. By the time she reached her car, her heart was racing and she jammed the keys into the ignition, starting the engine and driving out of the lot in as controlled a manner as she could manage.

  
She could see her up ahead as soon as she pulled onto the road, and Regina gunned the engine, eager to catch up with her, to talk to her, to claw back the connection that she could feel slipping away every minute this went on.

Blonde hair spun out as Emma turned her head, seeing the car approaching her as she walked, a few hundred feet away from the park entrance. Regina's eyes narrowed as they fixed on her, straining to see her clearer, to see the emotions that played across her face as the car drew closer. She was stunned, momentarily forgetting how to breathe as Emma did something she would never have anticipated. She ran from her.

  
As she pulled the car up to the curb at the park entrance, Regina watched her run across the open green space, knowing, that no matter how hard she tried, she would never catch her. Emma had the kind of tiny wiry frame that moved quick, for too quick for her, especially in three-inch heels. She let her fists fall against the wheel in frustration as she watched her until she disappeared behind some trees and out of sight. Even if she drove to the other side, in traffic, she knew the chances were Emma would beat her there, and from there, she'd have no idea where to go. Plus if Emma was really so determined to ignore her, she might as well give up.

  
The hot pricking behind her eyes only intensified at the thought, at the image of the park spread out in front of her, Emma completely gone. She refused to cry. Un-clenching her fists and rubbing harshly at her eyes, Regina killed the engine and took the keys from the ignition, stepping out of her car onto tired legs. She didn't know where she was going or why, but as she set off towards the park entrance, taking the path, she knew she needed time to think.

  
She'd been wearing the necklace. It seemed almost childish, but Regina had checked as soon as Emma had walked in, and she tried to work out what that meant. Her heels clicked against the smooth pavement and her eyes stayed fixed ahead as she walked and thought, trying to work through the problem.

The necklace could be a coincidence, she could just like the trinket and be wearing it for aesthetics rather than the sentiment, though as soon as she thought it, Regina knew that was untrue. The necklaces were symbolic, they had talked about it, and she knew that the little heart meant a lot to Emma because it was one of the only public tokens of their relationship they could afford to have.

  
Up ahead the path was dark with mud, it looked it had fallen from cleats and been smeared into the rough grain of the concrete, and Regina was instantly dragged back to the bruise that had marred Emma's pale skin. Each finger imprint had been almost perfect, so angry against her soft creamy hide, she could almost still see them in her mind, perfectly formed if she closed her eyes.

Anger boiled inside her at whoever had cast them there, anger at herself for not knowing the reasons why, when, who, and more than anything, what else they had done to her. The thought that there might be more bruises, the image of her holding one arm stiffly to her side broke Regina's heart, though no sooner had she thought it, than she was hit with another memory.

  
The locker room. The smell of sweat and the anticipation of asking the coach about her class using the field. The long blonde hair that had tumbled down over a paper pale back and the dirty yellowing bruise that had marked her side. Regina felt sick.

She racked her brains for anything else she'd noticed, and the more she thought, the more she knew she'd never forgive herself. Emma was always so loving, and shy as she was, she glowed under physical contact, yet Regina remembered the weekend she'd shied away from her touch and kept on a sweater even though they were warm in front of the fire. She remembered the skinned elbow that was apparently a product of Ruby's bad manners on the leash, the black eye that was from falling out of bed and bumping it on her nightstand, the time she fell down the stairs...

As the list grew Regina felt tears forming in her eyes now, the kind that she couldn't help or hold back. She been so stupid.

  
Her hands were shaking as they twisted her keys over and over on themselves, wondering why she hadn't thought sooner, put together the pieces, correlated her dad being home from his business with the accidents - at least she assumed he was to blame.

Reaching up, she wiped the tears roughly from her cool cheeks and wondered why Emma hadn't told her, why she didn't feel like she could trust her with that information? All the points in time where she could have realized for herself, stepped in, taken her away haunted her.

Emma was on her way home, back to the place where she assumed all this happened. Regina felt like all the breath had been knocked out of her as she glanced across to the other side of the park, the rows of houses she could see off in the distance.

One of them was Emma's, one of them could be where it was all happening again, where more bruises were being cast on her, and it could be happening right then. She turned sharply and headed back to her car. She hadn't run in over ten years, but with the implications of her realization snapping at her heels, she took off her shoes, and she did. The decision had made itself because now, she had no option.

She had to find her.

  
#

By the time she was pulling up a few doors down from her destination, the sun had sunken below the horizon. Regina pushed the thoughts of what she had just done away, nothing mattered now, not even breaking into the school office and photocopying student files, not risking her career, not anything, anything besides Emma.

  
Forcing herself to take a minute, she let her breathing even out. She had no idea what she'd find, what kind of reception would be waiting for her if it would be Emma or someone else who came to the door. A copy of one of last weeks homework sheets was in her hand, it was the only excuse she could think of, and the only thing she could find in her bag while her fingers were shaking so badly.

  
Taking the keys out of the ignition, she stepped out of the car, clutching them in one hand and the paper in the other as she headed for number 5 Russet Street, and raised her hand to knock. Nerves failed her and she struggled to catch her breath, glancing up and down the quiet residential street, checking for spectators as she tried to steady herself.

  
It was a nice enough neighborhood, not flash or pretentious, but it seemed like a family area. The houses were moderately sized and had little gardens to the front and side gates that she assumed to lead to space at the rear. It didn't look like a place someone who abused their daughter would live, but then again, she wondered what kind of place did.

There was no car in the drive, and she took that as a sign that perhaps Emma's father wouldn't be home, using this as motivation to force herself to knock.

  
As she raised her fist again ready to rap it against the hard wood, she pulled up short, this time, it was the sound of breaking glass that distracted her. Her heart jumped, and glancing around to make sure she wasn't being watched, Regina leaned closer to the door, all but pressing her ear to the apparently thin wood. A man's voice rumbled out from behind it, and though she couldn't hear the words, she recognized the tone. Desperate to know Emma was okay, that he wasn't hurting her while she stood there and listened, suddenly brave, Regina raised her fist and knocked hard on the wood.

  
As she heard heavy footsteps approaching, her blood ran ice cold, and she used that to her advantage, letting it cool her emotions, cool her demeanor until she was professional, steeled and ready for whatever might answer the door; at least that was what she told herself.

  
"Whatever you're selling I'm not interested, and if you're here about god I gave up going to church eight years ago." The sentence was spilled out as soon as the door opened, and Regina was assaulted with the smell of whiskey and cigars.

  
She gave herself a second to take in the man that was at least a head taller than her and looked twice her age, though he had a face that made it hard to tell. His eyes were sunken, his skin sallow, though he had a well-angled jaw and easy set eyes that she had no doubt had made him good looking, once. His hair was salt and pepper, dark around the silver, nothing like Emma's pale gold, and though his eyes were green, they were deeper, darker, yet Regina could see the resemblance.

  
"I'm not selling anything Sir, and I don't believe in god. I'm actually here about Emma." Her tone was cool, clipped but polite, yet she felt like her jaw was stiff with anger, tension, as she looked at the man and saw more and more his potential to be the one hurting Emma. She watched him size her up and as he leaned back ever so slightly, she spoke again, wary of having the door slammed in her face.

  
"I'm her teacher, she was out from school earlier in the week and I just wanted to give her some of the work she missed, it wasn't on hand in class today." The explanation came from nowhere, and though her insides felt like they were shaking, her voice was steady.

  
"I'll pass it on", his voice was low, rumbling, as he held out a large tar stained hand, but Regina didn't offer him the worksheets.

  
"I actually need to explain it to her really quickly, is she home? She's one of my best students, very bright", she ignored the hand that was still in front of her, lifting her chin a fraction higher to hold Mr Swan's eyes as he studied her. A soft huff left his lips, and he didn't seem either appeased nor concerned by the fact that his daughter was doing well in school.

  
"Emma... Get over here. Leave that damn dog outside... Hurry up." He yelled the words over his shoulder and Emma had to make a physical effort not to wince at the volume.

"Damn teacher's here, you've been missing work when you were off sick..." She could hear him mumbling to something behind the door, and she watched the large hand that had been extended to her reach behind it and produce Emma, holding her by the shoulder. Her blood pressure spiked and she could barely bite back her anger as she watching that hand sit there, touching her, the same hands that she was now sure had beat her black and blue.

  
She wasn't fast enough to speak. The silence that stretched out as Emma stepped from behind the door was too long, too loaded, yet as she looked at her, and Emma looked back, she couldn't find the words. Her green eyes were red, sore, her skin looked paler than usual and Regina knew instantly that she'd been crying.

She looked shocked, stunned to see her standing there at her door, and Regina was equally caught off guard by how off balance she had suddenly become, faced with the full weight of the situation.

  
"Well..." A rough baritone voice cut into the moment and the hand on Emma's shoulder gave her a rough shove, and Regina almost reached out to break her fall as her slender body bumped against the door frame under its force, "What do you have to say?"

  
"Sorry I was absent, Miss Mills." Emma's voice was lifeless, empty, monotone, and Regina wanted to pluck her from her father's grasp and run with her and never look back. She wanted to ask what had been wrong, but if Emma slipped that might only earn her another beating, and Regina couldn't let her endure any more than she already had without helping her.

  
"That's fine, I'm just glad to see you're feeling better", she forced a smile but it was tight, as she held out the worksheet for Emma to take, trying to keep her hand steady. "It's a mock test for you unseen poetry paper, you'll need to time yourself, fifty minutes like we practiced in class..." She was explaining last weeks homework, yet her eyes were fixed on Emma's, though they were on the sheet, refusing to look at her.

She could also feel another pair of darker green eyes on her, and mindful of them she carried on. "For the last section you answer either..."

  
"Will this take long?" Mr Swan cut in, and Regina turned to him, unable to keep all of the bite out of her voice as she replied. "I'm almost done, this is a very important test, senior year's an important year, especially when Emma has her high GPA to maintain."

The man huffed quietly again, and Regina ignored the sound about to go back to her farce of an explanation when he spoke again, "Her PGA doesn't matter, not like she's going to college. As long as she goes to class and behaves, that's all that matters to me."

Regina tensed and she knew it was visible, she could practically feel the anger burning in her dark eyes, she could feel Emma's green eyes on her now, embarrassed and pleading with her to let it go, though she wasn't sure if that was enough to cool the fire.

"She's always well behaved, her attendance is spotty in places, but she's punctual. As for college, Mr Swan, I'd say that's a decision for Emma to make when the time comes."

  
She watched as he rose almost a foot in height, his chest seeming to get wider as his green eyes glittered with a danger she knew Emma's could never muster, "My name is Nolan, David Nolan. Swan was... It's not my name."

The correction was confusing, yet she ignored it and abruptly turned away from him to point down at the paper before she exploded.

"For this last section you choose either question one or two, not both. Okay?" She waited for Emma to reply, but she only nodded not looking up at her.

  
"Alright then, I'll see you in class tomorrow. Thanks so much for your time Mr Nolan, have a good night."

  
It took all her strength to turn and walk away, to hear the door slammed closed, Emma locked back behind it for another night of she only knew what. As Regina walked back towards her car her knees were shaking, adrenaline, anger, fear, they were all too much now.

Every little piece of her wanted to turn around, to go back, to pound on the door till her fists bled and to take Emma away, take her home, let her lay in her bed that was just somehow theirs now, let her be safe. As the keys turned in the ignition on autopilot, she forced herself to drive away, her worst fears, all but confirmed.

 


	14. Chapter 14

The thick wool of the blanket was twisted around her fingers, still icy cold from being outside, yet it brought no warmth. Everything felt surreal, in the worst possible way. Every mistake Regina had made, every sign she had missed, they all came back to haunt her now as she laid on her bed staring at the ceiling, tear tracks on her cheeks.

Emma must hate her, she was convinced she'd hate her for being so oblivious, yet that wasn't the reason she was crying.

  
All the bruises, all the accidents, all the things that together meant so much but separately hadn't registered beyond her disgruntlement that Emma had once again managed to clumsily hurt herself. She couldn't imagine what it might be like, to live such a double life.

Lying on her bed, motionless, she wondered how many nights Emma had laid beside her and dreaded going home, how many of the nightmares Regina had woken her from were about flying fists and breaking glass.

  
Everything had been so perfect, and the tainted part of Regina whispered that it was too perfect, something so sweet, so innocent, it was bound not to last, there was bound to be a flaw somewhere, a catch watching to trip them and send them stumbling - it had come.

Among everything else, the pictures that played across the ceiling, the bruise in the locker room, around her wrist, Regina couldn't help but wonder what this meant for their relationship. Emma wasn't just her student now, she was vulnerable, and she could almost hear the accusing whispers, the headlines, how she'd abused her position in the worst way. None of it mattered. She loved her, more than she'd dared to love anything in her life, and she'd risked so much and she knew she'd risk it all again, because now, there was no way back - she just hoped Emma still felt the same.

  
She'd been so unreadable standing at the door, a heavy hand pressing down on her slender shoulder, unreachable to Regina in a way she hadn't been for months now, and that in itself was troubling. Everything felt hopeless and she rolled onto her side, looking over at the empty pillow beside her, the white linen silver in the moonlight. Everything was suddenly so hard, so painful, so raw, yet she knew she couldn't give up.

For the first time in her life, she had something to stay for, something to fight for, and so she would.

  
#

  
The words on the pages were all blurring together, her red pen hovering, poised and ready, though it never found work. The day had passed much the same. Emma's seat was empty and Regina was too distracted to be productive, too distracted to be anything but worried, tortured by what ifs, by images of bruises on pale skin. By the time the final bell had sounded, it took all her effort not to drive to her house again.

  
Sitting alone in her house on a Friday night was too hard. Friday nights were supposed to be spent with the fire lit, slender arms wound around her neck and two empty takeout cartons on the counter. Friday nights were supposed to be warm, safe, filled with laughter and kissing, and this, it was just grey. The thought of the weekend stretching out ahead felt impossible, yet Regina knew she was powerless to do anything but wait, wait for Emma to come back to her, wait to see if she would.

  
It was that powerlessness that had her squeezing the pen so tightly her knuckles turned white, before eventu, lly she threw it onto the smooth old floorboards, the papers following shortly after, scattered, then she held her head in her hands. Frustration was keeping her jaw too tight, anger making the back of her neck too hot, sadness putting a lump in her throat that refused to be dislodged, yet she was too angry to let herself cry.

The lack of light creeping in from her window told her it was getting late, and she sighed into her hands. She was cold, hungry, exhausted, yet she didn't want to move, she didn't want to do anything that wasn't going to Emma, holding her.

  
Her legs were stiff as she forced herself to get up and move towards the kitchen, a cup of coffee seemed like a suitable alternative to food, though the chiming of her doorbell interrupted before she could reach her coffee maker. She rubbed at her cheeks with her sleeve as she made her way to answer it, slipping off the chain and expecting to see a neighbour or a sales person, instead she saw Emma.

  
Words caught in her throat, and neither of them spoke, looking at each other dumbly for what felt like minutes, before tears escaped from green eyes and Regina reached out to pull her over the threshold and shut the door on the rest of the world, on the cold night.

Standing across from the girl in her hall, she forced herself not to replay all the better times they'd had there, racing through the door, slamming it closed while cold fingers fumbled with awkward buttons, clothes falling to the floor as they stumbled upstairs. She was almost felt like a stranger now, something Regina longed to touch but didn't know how.

  
"Regina..." Her name fell from familiar lips that she could see were cracked from the cold and wet with tears, and that was enough to break the spell, Emma was in her arms and she was running her fingers through her hair, tears soaking into her shirt.

  
"It's okay... You're okay... God I'm sorry, you're okay now..." The words tumbled out, her voice rough with tears, though she didn't let them fall. "Don't cry, please don't cry..."

  
Emma sniffled softly against her ear and Regina turned her head to kiss her cold, wet, cheek. "Don't cry..." She repeated the words softly between kisses until the tears relented a little, though they still shone heavy in her eyes.

  
"I'm sorry... I just... I'm really sorry, Regina..." Emma's words were punctuated with sobs, and she shushed her gently, kissing her again.

  
"You're here and you're okay, that's all that matters..." It was the truth. "Are you okay to be here, I mean..."

  
"He's gone. I saw his plane tickets, Texas..." Emma choked out the words and Regina breathed a sigh of relief, her fingers going to the front of her faded blue parker, unzipping it and pushing it back of her shoulders to sling over the railing.

"Come here..." Her voice cracked and Emma came instantly, her arms going around Regina's neck like she knew what was coming.

  
Hot tears leaked from Regina's eyes as she wrapped her arms around her waist, holding her close, lifting her off her feet and pulling her tight to her chest. As Emma's unsteady breaths tickled her neck, she realised the tears on her own cheeks, were tears of relief.

  
She carried her to the living room, pausing at the sofa, before she thought better of letting her go, and moved on through to the kitchen. Setting the coffee maker to boil and taking out two mugs was easy enough, her cargo was light in her arms and she clung onto her tightly, giving Regina a free hand to put coffee in her own cup and hot chocolate into Emma's.

With the drinks made, she patted Emma's back gently, putting her back on her feet, surprised when she didn't let go.

  
"Everything's okay... We'll be okay..." She wasn't sure what else to say. Emma's lips covered hers, and it didn't matter. As they parted, Emma nodded and handing her a steaming mug, Regina lead the way back to the sofa, pulling up the coffee table and waiting until the drinks were placed on it, before she pulled her close to her again.

The silence wasn't heavy, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, to Regina, it just screamed one thing, relief.

  
"Why didn't you tell me?" It was the first question that came to mind, it was the one that had plagued her the most.

A slender body shifted uncomfortably against her chest, and Emma dipped her eyes before she answered, "I just wanted to be better..." She gave a sad, breathy little laugh, "I wanted... I just wanted to be good enough to be with you..." The last words were so quiet that Regina barely heard, yet she did.

  
"You are good enough to be with me, you don't need to be better, you just need to be you, and whatever happens to you... whatever is going on, you're perfect to me... So perfect, do you understand?" She let her hands move upwards to cup her face gently between them, searching her eyes until she nodded through the tears.

  
"I'm sorry..."

  
Regina instantly cut her off, "No, I'm sorry, I should have realised I just..." Emma was shaking her head and the topic was done.

  
"How long... You need to tell me what happens with you Emma, you need to let me know you, please?" Her dark eyes searched the girl's face, waiting for an answer, which only came in the form of the nod.

  
"I was nine... the first time..." She wrung her hands in her lap as she spoke and Regina instantly reached for them, slipping hers into them and nodding for her to go on. "My mom was dying... I remember that, and carol singers kept knocking at the door, that made him mad..." Regina fought to keep her expression controlled as she listened.

  
"He said it was an accident, that he was sorry... that we shouldn't tell. I didn't tell... Not until... Not until now..." A fresh wave of tears rose up in her now stormy green eyes, and Regina leaned in to wipe them away, kissing her gently.

  
"I'm here. I love you... I love you so much, I'm not going anywhere..." Her voice was steadier than she hoped, and she drew back a little, giving her space to continue.

  
"Mom died when I was eleven. She got Ruby for me because I was afraid... I didn't know who would look after me when she was gone. She said Ruby was scared too, that she had no one to look after her either, and that we'd look after each other, us and Daddy..." She laughed softly at the last word, though it was humorless, her eyes fixed on the floor boards and Regina wondered what she was seeing in her head.

  
"He wasn't very happy about Ruby... or me. It happened again after the wake, and he didn't say sorry then... I was just happy Mom had stopped screaming, the priest said she was at peace... Brain tumors don't give you much peace, not until you're...gone." She paused again and Regina watched her wipe her tears, holding her own tight at bay.

  
"It got worse, for a while, it was really bad... But then Mom's money came through and he started to go away. He goes to casinos, sometimes I see the flyers. He flies to places, at first it was just for a day or two, but now he goes for weeks, and he..." A sob interrupted her words, and Regina's heart broke as she watched Emma press her fingers to her lips for a second to quiet it, before she carried on.

"He gambles away Mom's money... But it means he's gone, and it's just me and Ruby, and then you... He used to hurt me worse, but people started to ask. He got smart then, he makes sure he doesn't do it where anyone can see..." Her tone was evening out now, and Regina hated the indifference, the acceptance, that she heard there.

  
"He was mad that I wasn't in the house when he got home." Regina's stomach sunk with the words, her tongue turned to ash in her mouth. He had hurt her because of them, because of what they were doing. "It doesn't matter... I'm almost eighteen." Green eyes were on her again and her voice had regained some of its conviction, yet Regina was sure that nothing about the situation was anything close to fine.

"It doesn't matter... It's fine. I'm almost eighteen." Green eyes were on her again and her voice had regained some of its conviction, yet Regina was sure that nothing about the situation was anything close to fine.

  
"What will you do when you're eighteen?" She asked the question, though she already knew the answer.

  
"I'll go with you", Emma eyes met hers before she looked down again and began to mumble, "If you want me to, I don't have to..."

  
"Stop... Of course you'll come with me. We'll leave... We'll leave here and he'll never touch you again..." She was repeating the words not only for herself but for Emma, both buoyed and terrified by what she was saying, though she didn't doubt its truth. She had nothing to stay here for, nothing aside from Emma, and if keeping her safe meant leaving, then they'd leave, start over some place where Emma wasn't an abuse victim and she was no longer her teacher.

  
"You'll stay with me..." She nodded, leaning over to kiss her gently again, "I'm so sorry, I should have realised..."

  
"I told lies..." Emma was hanging her head and Regina could see that she was ashamed.

  
"None of that matters now. I know, and you're here with me, you're safe... But Emma, we need to tell someone, you can't go back there, I can't spend every day you're off wondering if he's..."

  
"No!" Emma jumped away from her, retreating to the other side of the sofa, her green eyes wide, "Please, please Regina, you can't tell... Please!" The desperate note in her voice had Regina biting her lip, unwilling to upset her further but knowing she had little choice.

  
"I can't just sit back and know he's hurting you..." She let her dark eyes turn to green, beseeching.

  
"You won't be... You're not. You keep me safe, you make me happy, I'm almost eighteen, a few more months and I'm eighteen. If you tell they'll take me away, that's what he said... He said if I told I'd have to go into foster care... I don't want to leave you and Ruby... Please..." Tears were spilling over and making tracks down her pale cheeks again, her breath hitching in her throat and Regina reached for her.

"Emma, as your teacher I'm obligated to report this. I have a duty..."

The force that Emma's slip wrist was ripped from her gentle grasp surprised her.

"Don't you dare play that card, Regina." Green eyes were a blazing fire now, and suddenly she was strong, a phoenix rising from the ashes of the devastation of the story she had just shared - her story.

"You also had an obligation not to sleep with me. You chose not to be my teacher before my girlfriend when you decided to have this relationship with me."

Even with tears on her cheeks, even under the crushing weight of the situation, Regina couldn't help but think she was beautiful. Her cheeks tinted pink and defiance sparkling in her eyes. Regardless, she had to report it, it hadn't been a question of if, just when.

"Don't use our relationship against me. Do you even understand what you're asking me?"

"To risk your career?" Emma was already replying before Regina had a chance to correct her. "Suddenly now you care more about that than me, but when we were climbing into bed together the risk wasn't so bad?"

The charges fractured Regina's heart, she knew Emma was desperate, lashing out, searching for a foothold on the face of a fatally steep cliff, but it hurt nonetheless.

"Stop, stop it please, don't reduce us to just sleeping together, like this is some dirty, illicit thing. We are so much more than sex, and we had so much more and were intimate and involved before that ever became part of this..."

Emma deflated instantly, her apology was quiet on her lips but Regina knew it was sincere.

"I'm just scared, so scared. That's not what I think at all. Just... Regina, you have treated me like an adult, respected me like an adult and never once made me feel less." She glanced up for just a second, and somehow Regina knew she was about to lose this fight.

"I was adult enough to make the decision to have this relationship with you, to decide to sleep with you, you treated me like an adult in so many things, you don't get to decide that you won't in this. I am asking you, begging you, not to tell... Please." Tears were making her eyes glassy again, and the truth of her words ricocheted around the inside of Regina's skull. She was right.

"I have held on, for so long... You're the first person I have ever trusted with this." Her eyes closed, and just for a second, she looked so much older, tired. "Please don't make me regret that choice, please..."

The damn broke, and Regina nodded. For better or worse her conviction faded in the face of Emma's words. A sob of relief broke the silence.

  
"Okay... I won't tell, it's okay, we won't tell, don't cry..." Pulling her to her chest, she closed her own eyes tight, cursing the situation, cursing everything, willing the clocks to move forward, to spin to the moment Emma turned eighteen, got done with school and they could run away from all this.

"Don't cry, we will figure this out, I won't tell, and you're going to be fine..."

  
Emma lifted her head, her breaths still ragged, "Promise?"

  
Regina nodded, feeling tears creep into her eyes, "Yes, I promise."

  
#

  
As soon as they'd gotten into bed, Emma's eyes had closed and she'd fallen asleep, after one last question. Regina replayed the words in her head, "Regina, what was it like for you, growing up?" 

She remembered the jolt of surprise she'd felt, and how she could see the other girl's eyelids drooping as she waited for a reply. "I'll tell you about it, soon, but for now, you need to sleep." Emma had nodded and curled so close to her side that she was half on top of her, but Regina didn't mind. They were in the same position now, Emma's chin on her shoulder, her fingers wrapped around a bunch of her shirt, though her grip had loosened as she relaxed.

  
Tilting her head slowly, careful not to jostle her, Regina kissed her hair. She was exhausted, yet her eyes weren't ready to close. She had so much to think about, so many fresh worries, yet with Emma in her arms, safe, the night had ended better than she'd hoped.

  
Doubt played on her mind as she watched the occasional light from headlights slide the ceiling. She didn't know if keeping Emma's secret was the right thing to do, her professional training for one, told her it wasn't. Yet part of her disliked the idea of going against her wishes, and hated the idea of breaking a promise. 

She treated Emma like an adult, and to her, she was one. She took care of herself, made adult decisions, and it seemed almost like use of double standards to undermine her on this decision yet allow her to decide about other aspects of their relationship. Despite all this, Regina knew that next time her seat was empty, next time there was a fresh bruise or she jumped away from a quick movement she'd hate herself. The thought of her being hurt was unbearable, yet she had made a promise, and as she sighed into the darkness, she knew, she would keep it.

  
Soft even breaths tickled her neck, and she felt tears leaking into her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time in a single day. After having not cried in so long, they felt strange on her cheeks, intrusive, but she let them fall.

Emma felt she small in her arms, so soft, and she hated that someone had hurt her, that they could do it again and she was powerless to stop them. 

Every even breath soothed her, yet it scared her, left her terrified for a time when she could no longer feel them against her skin, when Emma would be far away, choking on sobs or begging for him to stop. She had to close her eyes and let her lips run over a cool temple until she'd chased the thoughts away.

  
Emma was her everything. Holding her close, running her fingers through her hair, kissing her temple, her cheek, her nose, she knew that over the last five months she had somehow become her entire world. Things had been so easy before, and now they had twisted into something much less manageable, yet Regina promised the silence that she'd find a way through.

Things had been so easy before, and now they had twisted into something much less manageable, yet Regina promised the silence that she'd find a way through.

Whatever it took, Emma was a huge piece of her life now, and all they had to do was survive here until her birthday, and then they'd be safe, for always.

#

Rolling over Regina reached out to find Emma under the sheets and pull her back to her side, wondering when she'd escaped and how - they usually clung to each other all night and well into the morning, and this Sunday, should be no exception.

All her fingers found was smooth cotton and a cool patch where a warm slender body should be, and groaning softly to herself, she opened her eyes. The bed was empty, and instantly, she was awake, the clock on her nightstand telling her that it was almost eleven.

As she pulled back to covers, goose bumps springing onto her skin from the cool air, she wondered how she'd slept so long, though the events of the week, the things she'd uncovered on Thursday and confirmed on Friday, they'd left her absolutely exhausted. Her decision to keep Emma's secret hadn't been a light one, and it was definitely interrupting her sleep.

Her toothpaste tasted too minty and she reminded herself to switch brand, looking at her tired eyes and mussed hair in the mirror over the sink before she plonked the brush back into the holder beside Emma's purple one and followed her nose to the kitchen.

"Morning", her voice was scratchy from sleep and she smiled softly as Emma jumped at the sound before she crossed the space and came to her. Her reply was a kiss and Regina could taste apples on her lips.

"You left me", the words vibrated between their lips and Emma shook her head, pale fingers smoothing through dark hair.

"I was making breakfast." She stepped back and pointed to a tray of perfectly sliced apples with a large mug of coffee and Regina marveled at how thoughtful she was once again.

"It's just..."

"Perfect..." Regina finished the sentence for her kissing her on the cheek as she sidestepped her and made a beeline for the mug.

"Let it cool down for a minute, it's hot." Emma's voice was soft as ever yet it held an authority that Regina wondered if anyone else had ever heard.

"It smells good. You don't have to do that though, I can cook for you..." She trailed off knowing that cook was an ambitious word for what she had done in her kitchen since she had known Emma, the boxes still taunted her. "We can order... Why are you so good at all this anyway?"

Emma laughed, the sound was soft and musical and it turned Regina's lips up into a smile as she watched her walk towards her, her long legs on full display below the oversize shirt she'd borrowed. Regina was curious for a second if she was wearing panties underneath, before she caught herself as Emma wound her arms around her neck.

"I've lived alone with my dog for most of the last seven years, I know how to cook and make a fire", she shrugged gently as she leaned up slightly waiting to be kissed, and Regina knew that she had been caught staring. Some of the weight of the week was finally lifting, and it felt so good just to forget for a second and breathe.

"Makes sense", her reply came as a sultry purr as the kiss broke just long enough for them to take a breath before their lips were together again and it was deepening. 

Letting her tongue slide over Emma's bottom lip, Regina skimmed her hands over the swell of her backside under the hem of the shirt. It felt good to be normal, to feel Emma relaxed under her touch, all the talk of bruises, all the worries momentarily banished, nothing but the two of them in the world.

"Mmm... Where are your panties?" Her voice was rich as dark coffee now and are could feel her body fully waking up, shuddering into life, pressed up against Emma's. She leaned in for another kiss, but Emma pulled away, her cheeks pink, her green eyes two shades darker as she looked up into darker ones.

"I couldn't find them", the words came out with a little shrug and Regina snickered softly, palming the pliable flesh under her hands gently. Part of her felt guilty for doing this, for allowing herself to forget, for taking this moment of lightness and clinging to it with both hands. Her body ached to be closer to Emma's and her minded screamed for a release, and so she allowed herself to have it, silently reasoning that they both needed it. 

"Do you want me to help you look?" She let her lips attach themselves to the column of Emma's neck, trailing kisses up and down it, not waiting for an answer, though a breathy one came anyway, "No..."

#

"Leave it..." Regina groaned as the door bell rang for the second time. Emma's body was slack beneath her's pressed up against the wall behind her kitchen counter, their shirts thrown haphazardly across the floor.

"It might be important", Emma was catching her breath now, a faint flush on her cheeks as she smiled up at her, and Regina rolled her eyes before she kissed her once more and peeled their bodies apart. She was totally naked as she stormed towards the door, her eyes still dark with the remnants of their activities, her annoyance at having her afterglow interrupted spiking as she grabbed the throw off the sofa and wrapped it around herself.

She was totally naked as she stormed towards the door, her eyes still dark with the remnants of their activities, her annoyance at having her afterglow interrupted spiking as she grabbed the throw off the sofa and wrapped it around herself.

Reaching the door she kept her body behind it, pulling it open and popping her head around, leaving her blanket clad torso hidden.

"What the hell are you doing here?"  looked as taken back as she felt, and she watched his eyes roam over her mussed her and down to her lips which she could suddenly feel we're still swollen.

Robin looked as taken back as she felt, and she watched his eyes roam over her mussed hair and down to her lips which she could suddenly feel we're still swollen.

"Regina... I uh... I came to talk to you, can I... Uh, can I come in?" He was stumbling over his words and Regina stared at him incredulously.

"No... What exactly do you want?" She didn't try to keep any of her annoyance out of her tone as she watched him run his fingers over his hair uncomfortably.

"I actually came to apologize, I shouldn't have told anyone... I just..." He trailed off as a high pitched sneeze erupted from behind the door, and Regina closed it a little more as he tried to peer around, "Is this a bad time... Do you, are you..."

Rolling her eyes Regina stepped sideways, letting her bare shoulders and the throw she was holding around herself come into view, watching his eyes bug wide.

"Oh... Look, I just came to apologize, I was a dick, I just didn't think... Uh, I should go, I guess..." He gestured back to his car and she just gave him a tight nod.

"Honestly, it's too little too late, but you stopped by so don't let the guilt eat you." She was being harsher than he deserved but she was suddenly, painfully aware that Emma was behind her somewhere, and she couldn't help imagine what a different scene this could have been if she'd been then one to answer the door.

"Regina..." She didn't let him continue before she closed the door, standing in her living room and watching him get into his car and reverse off her drive before she returned the kitchen where Emma was eating apple slices from the plate she painted on their first date.

Even with we lingering annoyance she couldn't help but smile at the scene, moving up behind her to wrap her arms around her waist and pulling her into the blanket in the process. Her voice was low, raspy against her ear as she spoke, "Those look good..."

Emma leaned back, their naked bodies pressed together inside the throw and Regina hummed her approval, it felt good to be normal after everything that happened in the last week.

"Two things, never answer the door... And never wear panties."


	15. Chapter 15

Regina's head was still reeling from it all. Her bed had felt too empty without Emma last night and her heart felt torn in half. The events of the weekend haunted her, knowing she'd gotten hurt because of what they were doing, it made her feel sick, and now, driving to the parents conference where she knew she'd have to see the man responsible, she could feel her self-control being pushed to its limits.

Her eyes scanned the road as she drove, it was dark now and street lamps flashed by, the blur of lights from windows and she wondered if the lights were on at number 5 Russet Street that chilly Tuesday night, if Emma was home, if she was hurt. She had to push the thoughts away. She'd made a promise, and with mere months between them and leaving Storybrooke for good, she had to keep it.

She pulled into the parking lot with five minutes to spare, her eyes scanned the rest of the space as she moved towards the main entrance looking for the black sedan she had seen parked in Emma's drive that night, though she didn't find it.

She sidestepped Robin, who was leaning against a wall talking to a man she vaguely recognized as a math teacher, and unlocked the door to her room. Her bag was barely on the floor, the report cards just on her desk, before the stream of parents began and soon, she had too little time to think about what lay ahead.

#

The smell of cigars and whiskey made her look up, and dark blue eyes were on her, large hands clasped on the desk and she stared at them for a second, all too aware now of the things they'd done. 

"So, Miss Regina, you're the one that reckons Emma's alright for college." His tone was clipped, cool and dangerous and Regina was immediately uncomfortable, her heart rate picking up, though she fought not to let it show.

"Mr Nolan, glad you could make it, and just Regina is fine, please..." She replied in steady tones, a tight smile on her lips, though something in the man's expression told her that he didn't buy it.

"Where else would I be, Regina?" His tone was accusatory and the use of her first name suddenly made her uncomfortable, it was too personal, invasive.

She forced a strained laugh to slip between her lips and produced Emma's report card, resolving to get the whole sordid thing over with as fast as possible.

"So Emma's on an A grade right now, her target is to maintain that, and I'm sure you've already heard that her GPA is excellent." She slid the report card across the desk, though the man barely seemed to notice, his eyes fixed on her face, something in them making the hairs on the back if her neck stand on end.

Leaning back, letting his hands fall into his lap he exhaled heavily and Regina had to fight not to close her eyes to the gust of tobacco and liquor tainted air. "What's your interest in my daughter, Regina?"

The words made her heart jump into her throat and she felt color rush to her cheeks that was impossible to quash. Before she could reply, he continued. "See everybody else in this place tells me she don't speak, refuses to participate in their class, that her group work is poor... And you, you sing her praises. How is that?"

Regina nodded and forced herself not to let her palms run over her legs as they itched to do.

"She's a bright girl, Sir. A little shy perhaps but she's well behaved, no trouble in class, all her homework is done on time and her assignments are good. Whether she wants to chat in my class isn't my concern, her grades are, as you can see from her card, those are good." She gained confidence, adrenaline starting to leak into her veins as she spoke and the last sentence came out a little curter than she intended, but she held his eyes all the same.

He nodded, tipping his head in concession, though as he leaned forward, Regina knew instantly that she hasn't won.

"Truth be told, I've been having a few problems with her lately, I come home from a business trip early this weekend and the house is empty. You wouldn't have any idea about that, would you? I know it's nothing to do with her grades, but you seem to know my daughter pretty well."

He knew.

Alarm bells were screaming in Regina's head and she felt a muscle at the corner of her mouth jump, a nervous tick that hasn't manifested itself in years. The words weren't accusatory, but his tone was very different, his eyes studying her face, holding her dark ones in a way that told her, he knew.

"I'm sorry to hear that, perhaps she was staying with friends? I heard chatter of one of the girl's having a birthday party this weekend, did you try asking her?" Her tone was even but half an octave higher than usual, and she hoped he wouldn't notice.

"Emma has no friends, Miss Regina, you have to speak to have friends, have a bit of something interesting about you, and my daughter, she doesn't..." He sat back an almost visible smirk on his face as he watched her fight not to react.

"Well, I can't make a better guess than that, but I am sorry to hear you had a problem." She pushed the report card across the desk, her cheeks were red now and she was thirteen again, wilting under the principal's scrutiny, the last few weeks before she had learned not to care.

He didn't take it right away and a terse silence hung between them, him eyeing her as she eyed him.

In that moment Regina knew without a doubt, no matter how much she tried to tell herself she was being paranoid, each of them knew that the other knew, and for better or for worse, it hung between them.

"Thanks for your time, I'll be seeing you... Regina..."

She could only nod as she watched him reach out slow and take the report card, folding it before he stuffed it into his jacket. 

It wasn't quite a threat, yet it was enough to leave her uneasy as she battled through the rest of her consultations, her thoughts never far from him, far from Emma, far from wondering how much their relationship could be costing her at that very moment.

#

Friday night held none of its usual allure. The cider bottle was heavy in Regina's hand, unwelcome in a way it had never previously been - its presence meant one thing, no Emma.

Since the parent-teacher conference, Emma's dad had been home, and Regina was unnerved by his continued presence. Though they'd managed a few rushed conversations after class, in passing in the corridor, it wasn't enough. The quick kisses they shared when Regina pulled up beside the park and they had a precious few minutes in her car before Emma had to get home, they were far too little.

She took a long sip of the rich amber liquid, more out of habit than desire, as she thought. Since the man she had learned was named David Nolan had sat opposite her at her desk, his blue eyes accusing, she hadn't been able to shake the feeling that the net was starting to close around them. 

Days had rolled on, yet nothing had been done; there was no proof that he knew for sure, no indication of what he might do with the knowledge, just his continued, over-bearing presence, that kept Regina up at night worrying about Emma's safety.

It was strange that the TV was on in the background, an animal show that Regina didn't care about playing on a re-run - the kind of thing she imagined Emma would love. 

Everything had been going so well, almost too well, and the more jaded pieces of her couldn't help but feel justified somehow by the foreboding. Her grading was untouched at her feet, and Regina tried to shake off her restlessness by picking up the remote, feeling its cool, smooth weight in her palm for a few seconds, before she began to flip through the channels.

The picture flashed again and again, until finally, she gave up, setting the remote down to reach up and hold the little heart that hung around her neck, zoning out as she gazed absently at the screen. The people moved but she didn't follow, didn't track their conversations, lost once again in her thoughts.

The knock at her door was unexpected, and she debated ignoring it, unwilling to deal with Robins or the neighbors she barely knew at this time of night, yet Emma's advice about it potentially being important sprung into her head, and knowing she couldn't ignore it, she conceded. Her dark hair was twisted up into a bun, bouncing in step as she moved towards the door, yoga pants and an oversized shirt hanging off her body, glass still in hand.

She didn't bother with the peep hole - she never did, instead reaching out to turn the big old key in the lock and pulling the wood open.

"Emma?" The glass fell to the floor, shattering all over the floorboards, and even with bare

The glass fell to the floor, shattering all over the floorboards. Even with bare feet, Regina paid it no mind.

She could feel the lump already forming in her throat ready to choke her, tears stabbing hard at the back of her eyes as she reached for her. The faded old parker jacket was cool to the touch as she guided her around the spillage and pulled her into her arms, closing the door and holding her. "You're okay... I've got you now, you'll be okay..."

She felt sick. An iron fist was clenched tight around her heart, refusing to let go. She should be angry, furious, livid, yet all she could be was sad, sick, sorry. 

Small sobs choked up from the body burrowed into her chest, and she dipped her head to speak softly into her ear, resisting the urge to hold her tighter for fear of hurting her. "Okay... You're okay... Don't cry..." Part of her brain felt numb, a million questions already formed there, yet the bloody red that stained Emma's face prevented her from asking them.

She'd looked all wrong standing on the door step. One arm had been wrapped around her torso, the other squeezing her hand, her pale face marked with dried and fresh tear tracks, a tiny split visible in the corner of her lip, dried blood on her chin.

"Don't cry..." Regina repeated the words again, forcing herself to push forward through the fog, to fully engage with the situation, to feel, so that she could react. "We need to take a look at you, come in here..."

Emma didn't react, her head down burrowed in her chest, and Regina kept hold of her, feeling her shaky breaths against her collarbones as she lead her through to the living room, stopping in front of her big bay window. 

"Hey, shhh... Come on, look at me... Emma, look at me, please..." Emma looked up and she reached out to cup her face, the pads of her thumbs running across her cheeks, growing slick with tears as she brushed them away. "Are you hurt badly?" Her eyes fell the tear in her lip and she had to bite her own just to hold herself together.

Dark eyes searched green for a second until finally, Emma shook her head.

The sigh of relief felt like it had weighed ten pounds as it left Regina's lips, and she leaned down to kiss her, the brush of her lips feather light, conscious of her broken one.

The fact that Emma said she wasn't badly hurt didn't mean it was strictly true, it didn't make the blood any more okay, and Regina was about to pull back to deal with it, when slender fingers snaked up the back of her neck, holding her in place, their lips lingering, pressed together, until the kiss turned salty.

"You're okay now..." The words were whispered, a promise and a prayer, and Regina breathed them gently against her lips, blinking hard against her own tears. Stepping back, she caught Emma by the hand, already leading her towards the stairs as she asked her next question, though she was sure she already knew the answer. "What happened?"

"He got mad..." The words were enough and Regina mentally flinched away from them, nodding, as slowly they ascending, each step laboring, Emma's lips twisted into a thin line that told her the movement was painful. 

With every stair, Regina felt more of her heart shatter in her chest, little pieces of her falling out, left behind on the floor like the drops of blood she guessed colored the sidewalk as Emma found her way to her house.

"Where is he now?" The thoughts brought the questions and she asked them in soft, even tones, projecting all the calm she couldn't feel, as they reached the final step.

"He said he was going to the city, getting a hotel, that he needed to be away for a few days." Emma's voice was strained, and Regina looked back of her with worried eyes as they stepped into her bedroom. Reaching for her, she gently guided her to sit on the edge of the bed, perching beside her and taking her in her arms.

"I'm so sorry..." Her voice broke, though it was barely audible in a whisper and selfish as it was, she knew, she needed a few seconds for herself, for her own hurt. She could feel Emma shaking her head hard against her chest, and she squeezed her eyes tight shut, brushing away the last of her broken pieces - she could deal with them later, now, her focus had to be Emma.

"Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you feel dizzy or sick?" She wasn't a doctor and she had no idea what she was doing, but as Emma shook her head sadly, after a split second, she knew she had to trust her judgment. "Okay."

She left her just long enough to put the stopper in her big round bathtub and set the water running, returning and taking her hand.

"We need to get you cleaned up, I'll make hot chocolate... I recorded a show for you, they were talking about wolves, we'll watch it on the sofa, sound good?"

Nothing sounded good, yet watching Emma's emerald eyes stream tears, she knew, right now, normalcy was the best thing she could offer. There would be time to talk tomorrow, and hopefully Sunday; that would give her time to think, to plan things out, to rack her brains all over again for a solution.

Wordlessly, she let her fingers fall to the front of the blue parker, taking the zip and sliding it down, working it carefully over the catches in the track before she slid it off her shoulders.

"Want to take a bath?" She uttered the words as she took hold of the bottom of Emma's pale green sweater, waiting for permission, faltering as she felt her tense under the touch.

As the girl shifted her weight uncomfortably, eyes on the floor, Rerealizedlised that apart from the readily visible bruises, the one on her wrists and the very first one she'd seen in the locker room, she'd never actually seen the full marks of abuse on Emma's body. Part of her balked away from it, the idea too horrific to bear, yet she forced herself to be strong, for her.

"I love you... let me help you?" She looked up, the first stabs of anger finding her chest at how ashamed Emma looked as she nodded, yet all she could do was exhale, and gently lift the sweater off over her head.

She had to pull her eyes away from the patches of red that were already seeping into purple, forcing herself not to stare as bile rose up in her throat.

Taking Emma's hands, she helped her to her feet, pulling her thin jeans down her legs and removing her panties until she was naked in front of her.

"I love you..." She repeated the words, holding her eyes as she gently wrapped an arm around her waist, careful not to touch any of the blossoming areas of purple, broken capillaries bleeding under her skin.

When Emma looked away Regina felt something twist in her chest, something both cold and hot, the feeling too much to leave unamended.

"Hey..." She whispered the word softly, waiting until green eyes tentatively met hers and she could look into them as she repeated herself, "I love you so much... We'll be okay."

The ends of blonde hair shook as she nodded, and Regina knew that was the best she was going to get as she lead her through to the bathroom, holding her hands while she climbed into the large tub, though she didn't sit down in the now deep, warm water. Pale fingers stayed gripped around hers and smooth pink lips formed a single word, "Regina..." She knew what she wanted.

It took less than a minute for Regina to remove her own clothes, stepping into the tub and sinking down into the water before she reached up, guiding Emma down slowly, until final, she was in her lap, most of her torso submerged. Fresh tears leaked from her eyes and Regina held her gently against her chest until they subsided, hoping the warmth was starting to sooth her abused tissues rather than hurt them.

Neither of them spoke for a while, there was nothing to say, they just clung to each other until the water started to cool.

"Want to get out?" Her voice was scratchier than normal, and Regina cleared her throat, nodding as Emma shook her head and reaching across the tub to turn the hot water back on.

"I can't let him hurt you again..." She hadn't meant to voice her thoughts, yet somehow, the heat seeping back into the water around them, Emma's breaths steady against her chest, they had just come tumbling out. She got no reply, and she knew she'd be selfish to push, so she reached behind her to the sink and tipped their toothbrushes out of their cup, dunking it under the water to fill it, "Scoot forward..."

Her movement was slow, and Emma seemed reluctant to comply, but eventually, there was enough space between them for Regina to pour the cup out over her hair, watching it turn from pale cornsilk to caramel as the water saturated it.

She was glad she'd bought Emma a bottle of her own shampoo to keep in the bathroom, its sweet strawberry scent was comforting as she worked it through her thin tresses, careful to avoid the delicate chain around her neck. She was pleased that aroma lingered, still filling the room even after she rinsed the suds away.

She turned from replacing the cup, surprised to find green eyes on her, the blood on her chin long washed away, though Regina could still visualize it in her head.

"Thank you..." Emma's voice was barely audible, but she nodded and kissed her gently, jostling her forwards carefully, so that she could stand and take an oversized towel from the rack.

"Let's get out..."

#

"Regina..." Emma's lips still tasted of hot chocolate, the bottom one swelling slightly as Regina kissed her gently, humming her response. "Is everything going to be okay?"

The question froze her, and she resisted the urge to hold her breath while she tried to work out how to answer.

"I love you... I'll always love you..." Regina wasn't sure what she was trying to say. Six months ago, emotion was an almost alien concept to her, and now, trying to form the words to express everything, she was lost, though she felt them in her heart. "Nobody can take that away, I love you and you love me... Nothing else matters."

Emma shifted slightly in her arms, sucking in a little breath as she moved, and Regina instantly turned to look at her in the dim light of her bedroom. This felt like goodbye, and she knew the girl could feel it too.

"I don't want to not be with you, Regina... I'm scared..."

She could hear the tears in her voice, and she pulled the comforter closer around their bodies, holding her as tight as she dared, ignoring the tears that were warm in her eyes as she replied; her voice was even despite the break in her heart. Nothing conclusive had happened, yet somehow, they both knew, they both felt it - their time of peace was coming to an end.

"Don't get upset... As long as you want me, no matter what happens, I'll always be here. Just close your eyes..."

She trailed off, running her lips over her hair. "Don't worry about anything now, just rest, we have all weekend..." Her heart sunk as she spoke, a stray tear escaping into the dark.

She had an unshakable feeling that this weekend, would be their last.


	16. Chapter 16

"Regina..."

It was over. Panic gripped her tightly, it's cool fingers and clammy palms refusing to let her go as she turned to look at the principal.

She was the same mousy woman she had always been, plain jane that hovered somewhere above them all at the school, so unremarkable yet somehow in charge. Watery brown eyes searched hers as she was invited to the office and inside Regina was screaming.

She wanted to go back. She needed to turn around and run back to the place by the park where she had dropped Emma off, back to that last kiss, the tickle of her breath on her lips, because now, she knew with certainty, that it really was their last.

She was turning, heels ringing out as she followed the gray suit down the corridor. She was breaking. Outwardly she was numb, calm, unable to react, her face displaying nothing of the hurricane that was barreling through her insides, tearing her up. It couldn't be over.

 She should be afraid, part of her knew that, yet she wasn't; not for herself. She was afraid of being away from her, of the nights alone that would refuse to end, the tears that would fall from green eyes, all the bruises not yet cast onto pale skin... She wasn't afraid for herself.

The office door clicked closed and she could feel that she was smiling as she took a seat, her hands clasped in her lap, the great pretender, while inside, silently, she shattered. She could lose so much, but so much more had already been lost. If they knew, everything was gone anyway.

"This is, something of a difficult subject, so I hope you'll appreciate me being straight to the point?"

 Regina nodded her response, her smile faltering just enough to allow an outward show of confusion at the words, as if she had no idea what this could possibly be about.

She was a liar. She had to be a liar, something somewhere inside her had woken up and slipped into her synapses, and as she listened, it moved her limbs, twisted her expression and forced her to save herself, no matter how much she just wanted to fall.

"There's been some allegations made against you, of a... personal nature, concerning one of your students..."

The woman had to check the pages on her desk for the name and Regina wanted to scream it, but she was held down in her chair, waiting, looking vexed, her dark eyes cool until it was spilled into the air between them.

"Emma Swan?"

It was over. A cool April day brought it to its end, and she knew from here, there was little or no way back.

Now exposed, they were ruined, and no matter how many promises she'd made, the way they'd clung to each other last night, after surviving the whole of Monday at school without repercussion. Emma had thought that they were safe. She could feel it in her kiss by the park, and she hadn't the heart to color it with the sadness that had swallowed her since the beating confirmed all the things the parent teacher conference had promised.

"Emma..." She mused over the name. Whatever was directing this show had her eyes narrowed as she thought, her hand unclasping from the other in her lap to tap her knee as she seemed to remember. "She's in my last period, quiet girl, barely speaks..."

Plain Jane's eyes were on her, the first of many that Regina knew would come to judge her innocence, to look for her guilt, yet with the director in charge, she knew they'd find none.

She felt no guilt. She felt no remorse for loving her, for loving her even then, in the face of the loss of everything she'd worked so long for; all the dreams she'd had suddenly didn't matter anymore. She'd sat in this very chair and signed her contract on that very first day. She sat in it now and for the first time since that day seven months ago, she knew, she finally realized; she had a new dream.

"You understand that we have to report this?"

She was nodding along, looking appropriately shocked by the whole thing, her voice it's usual low gravel as she asked the right questions, but gave nothing away.

"I think it's best if you go home, everything needs to be looked into, we have to go by the book from here... You understand that?"

She was nodding still and her fingers were closing around the strap of her bag, the one that Emma had been holding this morning in her kitchen, her green eyes tired but happy. Pale fingers had reached inside and made a space in between the stacks of paper, her wallet, her coffee cup. The sandwiches she had put inside would still be there when she opened it, but Emma... She would be gone.

"Regina..." The word caught her before she could leave and she turned, everything feeling too much like a dream, too much like a trance state, though her heart beat loud enough to convince her it was real.

"There's nothing that you need to tell me..." Her voice was tentative, and Regina wondered if she was afraid of her or just trying to be tactful. Either way, she just shook her head and left.

#

She made it to the car. The keys were in the ignition and her eyes were blind to anything outside herself as she turned them, the engine roaring into life, though she barely heard it. She peeled out of the lot, like she had so many nights, only this time, this cold Tuesday morning in April, it had a finality to it.

She should cry. She needed to cry. Something was clawing its way through her chest, fear, guilt, sadness, pain... It hurt. Whatever it was touched her in a way that nothing ever had in so long, not with lines and lines on blank paper to protect her, but now, she was exposed.

She was driving back the same way she came, even though she knew she shouldn't. Seeing her would make it harder, but she deserved to know before she walked into class last period and saw someone else in her place, at her desk; before the police came.

She slowed the car, catching sight of her, lingering by the park as she knew she would. Always enough time between their arrivals, though none of that mattered anymore, and Regina wondered if it ever had.

The road was quiet, wide enough for her to crawl beside the curb until finally, green eyes looked up from the floor and caught sight of the black Mercedes, the bringer of bad news, of the end, and Regina watched it ricochet across her face.

"Regina..." She could see the word, her name, form on her lips even though she couldn't hear it, and she watched tears spill from her eyes. She was moving towards the car, and Regina wanted to scream, to give up on it all, to open the door for her and drive, drive until they were far enough away, until she remembered how to breathe, but such luxuries were long gone now.

Now, she had to be smart, she had to preserve what little tatters of a life she had left, they had left... maybe, possibly... The future was as scary a place as the present and she just wanted to close her eyes and live in the past. She had to leave.

"Regina..." She could see her name, see every sob that jumped in her throat, and she knew her own face was unusually pale, that her eyes would be fixed, full, though no tears were falling - somehow they were frozen too. She shook her head. It was all she could do, the only piece she had left, as she pulled away from the curb, away from Emma, away from their life together. 

Standing at the beginning of the wake of the destruction their love had wrought, she knew, they had to save what was left; if anything was salvageable at all. 

She watched her in the rearview. The blue parker was wrapped around her lithe frame as she stood by the road, bent forward slightly by the heavy sobs. Regina forced herself to forget her fingers on the zip that morning, the lips that were still warm from hot chocolate on hers, the soft words in her ear. "I love you..."

She thought them back as she watched her turn and run out of view, though she knew, she had run back into the park, back to places unknown, places that Regina was doomed never to know now because finally, they had been caught.

#

The hard knocks against her door came barely three hours later. Regina had barely three hours to go home, to piece herself back together, splash water on her face and change into some yoga pants and a big old sweater that she found no comfort in, and lie on her bed, the woolen blanket covering her. 

Her legs felt wooden as she made her way down the stairs now, her throat was dry and her lips felt rough, she could feel them beginning to crack, yet she paid them no mind. The key was as awkward as ever in the lock, and by the time it turned, her heart rate was already picking up. She knew who would be waiting on the other side of the door, and she knew why.

"Good afternoon, Regina Mills?" A man stood in front of two Police officers, his sharp grey suit a contrast to their uniforms and she nodded numbly, a scratchy "Yes", slipping past her lips. She had watched enough crime shows to know he was a detective, to have a rough idea of what would come next. She nodded when they asked if they could come in, stepping back and letting them into her home, her private space, trying not to feel the invasion that she knew was happening.

She moved on autopilot to take her place on the sofa across from the man in the suit, there were no armchairs, and the uniformed officers loitered awkwardly by the empty fireplace, and she forced herself not to look at them.

"I'm Detective Sullivan, I'm sure you know why we're here?" 

She nodded again. She wasn't going to offer them tea, make nice with them, she refused to be that person. She would do what she had to, give what they demanded, and not a shred more. "We got a call from Ashwood High this morning, about allegations made against you concerning a student named Emma Swan."

"So I've heard..." Her tone was cool and clipped, and once again, self-preservation was making her act.

"We understand what an inconvenience this must be, Miss Mills, but until we ascertain the truth or lack of it behind these allegations, we have a duty to take them very seriously", his tone was smooth, practiced, but not unkind. 

Regina couldn't help but wonder how she looked through his eyes. Did she look like someone who'd have illicit relations with a minor? When did she become that person? When did what she'd done become so much more than that? 

"We have a statement from David Nolan, the student's father, saying he saw the two of you kissing, in this room on Friday night... So I have to ask you, where were you this Friday night at around 8.30 pm?"

She barely faltered, her expression twisting into one of surprise as she answered.

"I was here... This is my home. I was watching some trash TV and grading assignments with a glass of cider." Her expression betrayed nothing that would be unexpected for an innocent just accused of a crime, yet inside her mind was racing back to Friday night, and suddenly, it all made sense.

The knock on the door, pulling Emma inside, holding her just a little to the left of where the officers stood now, in full view of the big bay window, the shades undone. He had followed Emma - just like she'd knew, he'd known. The beating, the leaving for a hotel in the city, they had all been a means to an end, and she could see his logic now. He's known Emma would run to her, and of course, she had.

"And I have to ask, you were here alone? Emma Swan didn't knock on your door at roughly 8.20 pm? You didn't let her in and proceed through to this room before you kissed her and removed her coat, before leading her elsewhere in the house?" 

"Of course not!" The snap in her voice was just enough, and once again, she was at the mercy of her inner director, a puppet to self-preservation as it pulled her strings and made her dance out the lies.

"I was here alone, sitting on my sofa, grading Shakespeare assignments for my sophomores. A while later I was cold so I made a cup of coffee and went upstairs to do some writing... do you need to see that too?" Her voice was half a tone higher, and she could feel the man's grey eyes on her, judging the truth behind her words; she could feel the exact moment he relented.

"No, that won't be necessary. I understand this must be frustrating, but with your cooperation, we can resolve this as quickly as possible, with minimal fuss. That's in all our interests." Regina watched him speak, and apparently mollified, she nodded.

"The allegations made by Mr Nolan are also being denied by his daughter. We saw the girl this morning..."

Regina almost didn't hear the next part of the sentence, she almost stopped breathing. Her chest went tight, all her cool calm lost at the thought of Emma, wilting under the scrutiny of the three men. She wanted to ask if she was okay, ask what they said to her, yet she remained still, silent, looking mildly annoyed, bored.

"...denies all of it. She admits to leaving the house after some kind of dispute over her dog, though she says she walked around the park and slept in the kennel in her backyard with the dog, without her Father's knowledge."

Regina didn't have the energy to worry about if Emma sleeping in a kennel was feasible, about how flimsy the lie seemed.

As the man continued to talk about their stories seeming to correlate, and it being a case of Emma's father's word against theirs, all she could think of was Emma. Emma with her green eyes and pale hair and slender little frame. Her laugh when something bubbled over on the stove, the way she could breathe life into the big old house, the feel of her lips, last thing at night before they fell asleep, holding each other.

He'd beat her for this. She knew he'd beat her. Every lie she'd told to cover their tracks would cost her, bruises and broken lips and blood on the pavement... Regina felt sick, she could feel the color draining out of her face, but the situation caught her before she could go too far.

"Miss Mills? Is that okay?"

She looked blankly at the man, shaking her head lightly, "I'm sorry?"

"We need you to come down to the station, make a formal statement, and as a precaution, sign a 500 yard restraining order until all this is resolved, I'm sure you..."

"Fine.." She cut him off. She was sick of hearing about how people were sure that she'd understand, that they knew she understood. She didn't understand any of it, none of it made sense to her. The world was spinning too fast and she could barely stay on her feet, barely keep the motion sickness at bay, yet still, she had her part to play. The decisions were out of her hands now, Emma had done what she had done, she faced what she would face, and Regina was too tired, too confused, too emotionally spent to think about it any further than that while three pairs of eyes were so heavy on her cheeks.

"I'll get my coat."

#

 

It was pitch dark by the time she got home. They dropped her off in an unmarked sedan, but there wasn't enough energy left in her to be thankful. She pushed the door closed behind her, leaving it unlocked. Leaden legs carried her upstairs, and as she collapsed on her bed, her eyes closing, she was back in the small room, back in front of the mirrored wall, the tape recorder they set on the table making her heart beat wild.

It was easy enough to repeat back the story, easier now she knew that Emma's fit. They were kind enough, they called her lawyer and offered her water. She declined both.

Each question came as she knew it would, and she answered as the director instructed, his fingers tugging harder on her strings as the interview war on; by the time it was over, she wished nothing more than for them to break.

The wool was soft under her fingers, and she counted each little knotted stitch as she so often did. She wondered what Emma was thinking as she made each one. What she was thinking now, if she was safe, alone, bleeding...

The air was cool around her, a million miles from the stuffy over-processed air in the interview room. She could still feel the uniformed officer's eyes on her as he hung in the corner watching her exchange with the man named Sullivan. Every word had been pitch perfect, yet inside, she was clinging to a streetlamp, lost in a storm.

Every perfect word had tumbled from her mouth, yet she could still taste the bile in her throat, the words on the tips of her tongue - he beats her. She couldn't bring herself to break her promise. She couldn't bring herself to be the thing that put Emma in care. She couldn't make all the lies they had both told worthless when they came back and asked her how she knew such a thing for sure.

She told herself over and over again that she was respecting Emma's decision, yet it didn't soothe the burn. She turned in bed, her chest heavy, a lump in her throat, she wished she would cry. She wished she would scream. She wished she would do anything but lie there and see bruises on pale skin, hear the broken sobs as a battered body clung to hers in rapidly cooling bathwater.

As she lay there, Regina wished for everything and for nothing. She wished to take it all back, yet she hated herself for even thinking it. She was torn, confused and exhausted, and as she waited for sleep to over take her, she looked out of her window.

The stars were hidden from view, the moon barely a crescent in the sky, yet she made a wish, just in case any one could hear her. She wished for Emma to be safe.


	17. Chapter 17

Her phone told her it was Thursday, 8.56 am. Regina hadn't moved from her position on the bed, save for bathroom breaks. Her body felt heavy, lifeless, and the same oversize sweater from Tuesday clung to her cold skin as she lay there, staring at the little display in her palm.

The call from her lawyer, the one her trust fund paid through the nose for by the hour, had just ended. They had nothing on her. With Emma denying everything, with their stories fitting, they had to drop the investigation into statutory rape. Rape. The word resonated around her head, it was so ugly, so violent, nothing like the soft kisses, the careful slide of fingers the first time they'd laid down together in the very spot she held now.

David Nolan wanted a five year restraining order, and he had already been in touch with several tabloid newspapers, did she want to file a suit for damages? Regina had taken a few seconds to reply, she remembered the static on the line as she tried to form words when all she could think about was five years. She didn't know. Once upon a time, she was so in control, she knew it all, but now, she knew nothing.

She could hear the man on the phone catch onto her mental state, and she agreed to discuss it at the negotiation meeting he had arranged with the Mr Nolan and his lawyer. He was about to hang up, when finally, she spoke up, asked the only question she'd bothered to ask throughout the whole conversation. "Will she be there?" His answer came a few heavy seconds later, "Yes."

The little screen displayed 9.02 am when Regina slid her finger across it again to bring it back to life. Minutes were passing yet she was just wasting away. She remembered every word about a quick resolution, damages and damage control, yet she didn't care about any of that, all she could do was lie there and breathe. Letting the cell phone fall away, she returned her tired eyes back to the ceiling. The meeting was tomorrow; she had until then, just to think, just to breathe through the pain that had swallowed her the moment she lost sight of Emma in the rearview.

 

# 

The mattress was too cool as Regina turned, unable to shake the knocking that haunted her dreams. She was caught halfway between waking and sleep, though as the sound continued, she was certain, they'd come to lock her up, to take her away. She wouldn't go. She rolled over again, ignoring the rapping, the green blanket held tight to her chest as she prayed for sleep to take her again. S

he knew that she should move, yet she felt weak, lifeless, and part of her brain was aware that she hadn't eaten or drank anything but a few sips of water from the bathroom faucet since the toast Emma had insisted she have on Tuesday morning.

The knocking stopped and she relaxed, sleep still had it's cool tentacles around her, that gloriously dark, blank place, was still waiting, and she could already feel herself drifting back.

The dream started and something dipped the mattress, she could smell strawberries, and as lips covered her's she tasted vanilla. It felt real. A soft weight above her, the warm wetness of tears on her face, the way they seeped into the kiss, it all felt so real, and she never wanted it to end. 

In the dream, she was kissing her back, she could hear whispered words in her ear, "I love you... Regina, I'm so sorry... I love you..."

All she could do was shake her head, tilting it to the side to allow lips to press against her throat, teach her how to feel again, how to breathe. She felt cool hands slide up her torso and her back arched into the touch, a breathy gasp slipping from her parted lips, and she knew now, she was never going to open her eyes.

"Regina..." The word was so soft, so perfect as she moved in the dream, her hips shifting until she could feel the roughness of jeans against her bare thigh.

"Shhh... I love you... God, I love you..." Her voice was rough. She could speak. That surprised her. She'd never heard her voice so clearly in her ears, but then again, she'd never dreamt like this. She heard the soft whoosh of material hitting the floor and then she could feel Emma's naked torso under her hands, she could count every rib beneath her skin, until a soft little hiss of pain stopped her.

Her eyes opened. Her eyes weren't supposed to open, yet somehow, she wasn't alone.

"It's nothing... Don't stop, Regina... Please... Please..." Emma's eyes were full of tears, and Regina remembered her unlocked door. Shock made her breath catch in her throat, guilt and fear, that ugly word, rape, suddenly back, dancing around her mind, yet as Emma leaned down and kissed her, she knew she couldn't resist, she couldn't let it color what they had.

"Regina..." The plea came again, and as dangerous as this was, she was powerless to deny.

"I love you..." She was lucid this time, as she let her shirt be pulled over her head. She could feel everything, the drag of lips over her collarbones, the slide of palms up her sides, the tickle of the ends of her hair against her shoulders. Five years was so long, too long. This could send everything to hell, she was vaguely aware of that, yet Emma was here, they were both half undressed, and she was kissing her with an insistence, touching her with a need that Regina had never felt before. She was powerless to stop. She couldn't deny her, she couldn't deny herself, one last time, one last moment just to love her.

#

Emma's lips were swollen as she looked down at her, her head tilted to one side as she leaned on an elbow, their legs still tangled together under the sheets. "Do you hate me?"

Regina felt the words as much as she heard them and she reached up to touch her face, rubbing her thumb over the tear tracks there, a sense of foreboding already tightening around her throat, stealing their moment. "I could never hate you... never, none of this is your fault... But, you shouldn't be here..."

The ends of blonde hair tickled her shoulder as Emma nodded sadly. "He wants them to keep us apart for five years, Regina... How can we... What will we..." A sob broke through and Regina reached for her, pulling her down into a kiss. 

"Don't say it, don't..." Her plea was whispered, so weak in the light of her usual strength, but she was spent. "I can't lie here for the next five years and wonder if he's hurt you... I could hardly take five minutes... You lied for us and, oh God..." She trailed off, closing her eyes, and this time it was thin lip's turn to cover hers.

"I don't want to be away from you, I don't want to, I can't..." Sobs were cluttering Emma's words now, and Regina knew the moment where she could allow herself to break had passed.

"Listen to me... Emma, listen..." She took her face in her hands, looking up at her and feeling her heart fracture, though she was careful to keep her tears blinked back.

“We can stop all this, make it go away. You just have to tell them the truth.”

 She was already shaking her head. 

“I can’t… Regina, I have waited so long, and I am so close to being free of him. I don’t want to have to leave Storybrooke, to become the girl that everyone whispers about.”

Thin fingers squeezed her own tight, and Regina fought to let her speak, though all she wanted to do was demand, beg, fight her until they could agree to do the only thing that made sense to her at this point.

“All this time, I lived with this…him. The minute I tell, I can never go back, no one will ever see me as anything but that girl, as a victim. I have months left until I’m eighteen Regina, just months after years and years. I can’t…” Her voice became softer, wet with tears. “Please don’t ask me to do that, to color the rest of my life with that, when I am so close to being free of it all.”

Frustration was swallowing her whole, but Emma’s eyes shone with conviction. Even as she fought to understand, Regina knew she couldn’t make the decision for her, even if she didn’t understand her reluctance fully. She nodded and waited, listening to the soft hitches in Emma’s breath, watched her, her head bowed, tears of relief on her pale cheeks.

"Whatever happens tomorrow, whatever they decide... I love you, never, ever forget that I love you, you... You were it for me, you always will be..." The words were candid and they burned out the last of Regina’s energy, turned the fracture in her chest into a fully displaced break, yet they were out, and Emma was crying harder.

"Don't let them please... Regina, I can't, please... Promise me, we can sneak around to see each other? I'll be careful... My Dad will go and I... Regina, don't..." 

Regina watched pale fingers press against swollen lips as Emma tried unsuccessfully to hold back her sobs. She was shaking her head, and she hated herself for it, but she knew. Tonight, was the last time, it had to be. 

"Listen to me, Emma, you're young, you have so much left to give, things to do, to experience... I just can't go to jail, not even for you. I love you so much, please believe that I love you, but I'm no good to you locked up... They'll call me... a r-rapist." Her throat ached from holding back the tears and her dark eyes were beseeching in the dim light begging her to understand. "You'll move on, you'll..."

"No I won't!" Emma pulled away from her and Regina shrunk back, it was the first time she had ever heard her raise her voice, her green eyes glittering, wet, stormy.

"How can I move on Regina, I love you... Nobody else, I don't want anybody else, when I see me, I see you... I can't move on from that, I won't..." The anger faded as fast as it came and she wilted back into a barrage of sobs, her breath catching, tears soaking the linen as she fell back into Regina's arms.

"Don't let me go... Promise me? Regina, promise me?" She was begging, broken emerald eyes looking up, and Regina couldn't deny her, she wouldn't, enough lies had been told already.

"How could I?" The dam broke, and she cried. Hot angry desperate tears, because she knew, these stolen minutes they were their last. 

"Don't wait... Try, I just want you to be happy, I'll never let you go, but I need you to be happy... Even if... Even if that can't be with me..." Her words were broken by sobs and she realized with a start that nobody had ever seen her cry, not like this.

Emma was crying too, their shallow catching breaths breaking the silence, and the whole thing was a mess.

"Regina..." It was a question and an answer, a plea and a promise, and everything was so broken.

"You have to go... You have to... Shit..." Reality was biting harder, and she was forcing all her broken pieces back into one, one last time. Emma's body was jumping in her arms now, jarred by sobs, she was inconsolable, and Regina moved from her side, picking up her clothes, forcing herself to ignore the way she shook her head.

"You're going to carry on... You're going to be okay..." She was speaking the words as she pulled jeans up slender legs, kissing her as she went, knowing it would be the last time. "You'll finish school. You're going to graduate top of that damn English class..."

"Stop it Regina, stop..." Emma's hands were covering her face, but Regina didn't listen.

"You're going to go to college, and you're going to be happy..." The shirt was over her head and the parker was on and it was done. "You're going to be happy..." She repeated the words as she gently took her hands, exposing her tear stained face, swollen eyes and still swollen lips.

"I'll never stop loving you... There won't be a day where I don't think about you, and if you love me..." Her voice broke and she had to clear her throat, saline filling her mouth, "If you love me, you'll be happy..."

"Regina..." Emma was broken now, she could hear it in her voice, and part of her hated herself for ever finding her, for ever bringing her to this point, yet try as she might, she could never wish to take it back, never regret loving her. "I love you... I can't..." 

Sobs were making Emma breathless, and Regina caught her her by the chin, conscious that she was going to make herself sick. "Stop... look at me, just stop, and look at me..." Her voice was soft now, soothing, even though she was falling apart inwardly. "No more tears, we've cried all our tears now... I love you, more than anything else in this world. You'll never forget that..." Emma sucked in a jagged breath and she just held her. "No more tears, I'll always love you..."

Finally, her breathing slowed, and Regina took advantage of the quiet, ignoring all the crazy ideas that were screaming at her, vying for her attention. If they ran someone would find them, they had no choice now. She led her down the stairs, trying to ignore the way the sobs started up again as she realized the end had come.

"I love you... Regina, I won't forget... I won't give up, even if you do... I won't..." Emma's eyes were steely now, wet but determined, and Regina just kissed her.

Her fingers found the cool metal of the handle, and as they parted, Emma's arms were tight around her neck, but she opened the door. 

"I love you... Always remember that I love you..." She unclasped pale fingers from their hold on her and it broke her heart. A soft whine slipped from Emma's lips and Regina wanted to vomit, to throw up her insides all over the floor boards, wretch until there was nothing of her left, instead, she kissed her again.

Emma's jaw was trembling, her chest heaving, and Regina knew she wouldn't calm until it was over, that prolonging it would only hurt her more. She stepped back and nodded gently, watching as she stepped out of the door and then turned around, her green eyes pleading.

"You need to go now before someone sees... I love you, don't forget..." Her voice was thick, but it left not room for argument. It was done.

"I love you too..."

Regina watched until she was out of sight, until freezing fingers pushed the door closed and she sank down behind it. She cried until she wretched, though there was nothing in her stomach to purge. She cried until she couldn't feel, until she sobbed like a child and screamed under the weight of it all.

She cried for everything she had lost, for all the tears on Emma's face, for the little hiss of pain, and for all time she'd have to learn to spend alone again. She cried for herself, she cried for Emma, she cried for everything until finally, it lost it's meaning. Regina cried until she was numb, exhausted, and lying down on the hard floor behind the unlocked door, unwilling to move from the spot where she left her, she slept.

 

#

By the time Regina found the fourth floor and the room marked with the number the receptionist had told her, she knew, she was almost a full half an hour late. She tried to forget how she'd woken up still behind the door, the smell of Emma's shampoo that lingered, as she hauled herself up and realized with a start, that she had somewhere to be.

Her mouth had been dry, her limbs tired, and she'd staggered to the kitchen for a strong sweet coffee and a glass of water, before she'd rushed upstairs to get ready.

The building had been easy enough to find, the home of a large law firm on the edge of the city. The walls were whitewashed, everything smelled too new, the carpet was too clean, too inoffensive, too artificial, though given its purpose, Regina could see why the decor was fitting.

As she pushed open the door, flashes of last night came flooding back. Emma was playing with a pen on the desk, and though her lawyer rushed up to take her arm and dip his head to talk to her, Regina's eye's stayed on green.

"Don't speak, don't agree to anything Miss Mills... We're in good stead, let me see what I can do." She nodded her approval and took the seat that was pulled out for her, still staring across the table at Emma - there was no judge here, so she didn't check herself.

"So, we all know why we're here..." The weasely looking man that she guessed was David Nolan’s lawyer began to speak, yet Regina didn't hear anything he said. She was too preoccupied with the red circles that ringed Emma's eyes, how tired she look as she stared back, a whole silent conversation happening, yet the words couldn't truly form and it was as frustrating as it was fruitful.

"Everybody in this room knows she raped my daughter..." Regina's head snapped around to look at David now, his dark eyes glittered, though not with rage, not even with anger, just a smug knowledge.

"There's absolutely no proof of that Mr Nolan..." Her lawyer was speaking now, and Regina listened, half paying attention to the conversation, half watching Emma hang her head in her peripheral vision.

It hurt that she was hearing them call it that, call what they'd done rape, when it was anything but. Emma had come to her freely, they were in love, she was never forced, just never denied. Regina wondered if the word hurt her as much as it hurt herself, though judging from her expression, she knew it did.

"Both your daughter and Miss Mills deny any illicit goings on, they both deny even meeting outside of the school... Your client is clutching at straws." His eyes were on the other lawyer now, and Regina could feel the pissing contest coming before it started, yet all she could think about was Emma.

Emma had denied it all, lied about everything, for her, to save her. The little hiss of pain from the previous night resounded in her ears, and Regina wondered if he'd beat her after this, if he'd pound her with his fists until her tiny body was bruised and sore, broken as it had been that night in her tub. It made her feel sick. It made her feel like a fraud. 

Once again she wanted so badly to speak up. The conversation was going on without her, clipped Boston accents of the lawyers, the occasional low rumble of David's voice, and she wanted to shout over them all.

She wanted to stand up and point the finger, to throw her head back and scream the truth, but the promises she had made kept her in her seat. She couldn't be the reason Emma went into care. She couldn't undermine her right to be treated as an adult, to decide, when she had treated her as an adult in every other way. Standing up and pointing the finger and shouting out about the abuse wasn't her action to take, yet she ached to, to see the smug fall from David's face, to know that he would never, ever lay hands on Emma, gentle, kind, Emma, ever again.

"In the state of Maine the sentence for rape is three and a half years in federal prison, your client needs this investigation to be dropped as much as we need a resolution... Don't act like you have no interest in this negotiation..." That word was thrown out again, and it dragged her back to the present, guilt still gnawing at her insides.

"My client is innocent, and if we can't cut a deal here, we'd be happy to prove that in a court of law, where your case will be thrown out on day one..."

Voices were raised, and Regina watched David watch them, she watched Emma shrinking in her seat, and she needed it all to be done.

"What is your client proposing?" Her lawyer asked, and Regina was vaguely curious. He would make it hurt. Just like he hurt Emma, he would make sure this hurt them both, make sure he held them apart, and she held her breath, waiting for the blows to come, wishing they were physical, that she could put herself forever between Emma and her father, and let her own body weather the beatings in her place.

"A five year restraining order, a breach of which will result in imprisonment in a federal institution..." The weasely man spoke, and Regina could practically hear her own lawyer scoff, feel him getting to his feet as if to leave before he replied, "We'll see you in court..." 

That couldn't be it, it couldn't be over, her heart jumped in her chest as her brown eyes locked onto green, both of them sharing one thought - it couldn't be done so soon. Regina needed more time. she needed more time to memorize every inch of her face, the waves in her golden hair, the color of her lips and the shape of her eyes... she wasn't ready to leave.

"Wait!" The weasel spoke again, and Regina let herself exhale. "You need this to be over as much as we do... Let's not play games Ted..." She was vaguely surprised that the two of them were on first name terms, but then again, she guessed they sparred regularly on behalf of their clients.

David's eyes glittered as the man whispered to him, and Regina watched his brow furrow in thought, before finally, he nodded, as her lawyer sat back down, adjusting his tie.

"All charges will be dropped against Miss Mills, aside from the newspapers that have already been contacted, which my clients admits he did in haste, no more will details of the case will be released. All this will go away, we'll save ourselves a lengthy court battle and your client can get on with her life. In return, she agrees to sign a restraining order, effective until the girl turns eighteen, the punishment for a breach being federal imprisonment... If she refuses we'll continue to push for an investigation to be launched."

Regina could feel the shift in the room, she could feel Emma wilting under the weight of it all, her green eyes confused. She looked small, and for the first time, Regina could almost see her as a child, a lost little girl among adults fighting, though that was how she felt herself, and the comparison was invalid.

She wanted to go to her, to pull her into her arms and shield her from it all, yet she was frozen in her chair, waiting to hear her fate. As soon as her lawyer bent his head to whisper that it was a good deal, she nodded her agreement, a simple "Okay", her permission for him to accept it.

Until Emma turned eighteen was better than she ever hoped for, it wasn't five years, and though the mention of newpapers was a shock to her, it certainly wasn't a surprise. She wasn't naive enough to believe this would make it all go away. She could imagine the state of the town, such a small town, the diner would already be buzzing with gossip, and she dreaded the day she saw her face painted on their newspapers, yet part of her had always known it would come.

She signed the paper as soon as it was pushed under her nose, ignoring the way dark green eyes glared at her, waiting until she had scrawled her signature and dated it, until he did the same. Her lawyer signed and separated the carbon copy from the original, giving her one to complete. The fact that the restraining order was already drawn up made her wonder how much of this was pre-negotiated, but she didn't care, she wasn't going to jail... They were dropping any further investigation, which was something.

She folded the paper in half and again into quarters, it's surface smooth under her fingers as she shoved it into her pocket, though she'd made a careful mental note of the date - 23rd July... Emma's birthday was the 23rd July, it amazed her that she didn't know that. It was a little over three months away, and she told herself, that was the best she could have hoped for.

 The lawyers were shaking hands, and she ignored them, her fingers feeling the weight of her car keys in the pocket of the coat she hadn't bothered to remove. She didn't get up, sitting there numbly, uncertain if it was all really over. Unwilling to move and prompt David Nolan to do the same, to drag Emma home for the beating she knew was coming on her behalf. 

"We'll be seeing you, Regina..." He was up and moving, pulling out Emma's chair, Regina hated how she flinched away from him, her cheeks turned red, her eyes darting to the lawyers, to check if they'd noticed. They hadn't.

 "We'll do something nice when we get home Emma, call it a celebration..." Emma's face paled and Regina wanted to be sick. His eyes were taunting, he was goading her, and guilt clawed at her throat, a silent scream waiting to get out, waiting to launch her body over the table and at his, so her fists could bruise and her nails could tear until he could never hurt her again. She sat still.

 Emma gave her a watery smile, and Regina swallowed hard as they left, knowing it was supposed to reassure her, though his heavy hand was back on her shoulder. Their eyes caught, before Emma was ushered forwards and disappeared out the door, tears in her eyes.

 Sitting there, watching the lawyers pack their briefcases, ignoring their attempts at small talk with her, she realized; for the next three months, that was the last time she would see Emma. 


	18. Chapter 18

Two more days slipped away. Two more days spent laying in bed frozen. Her mouth was dry when she woke again, from another fifteen-hour bout of nothingness, her head even more cloudy than it was before.

The soft wool of the blanket was scratchy against her face, the little heart pendant was cool around her neck, but Emma was still gone. Her head ached as she sat up, it was semi-light outside, and it felt like early evening, though she knew it could just as easily be early morning, she couldn't tell. Her phone was docked on her nightstand and reaching for it, she confirmed that it was 6.13 pm, not that it mattered. She felt almost as if she was watching herself from above, looking down at her own lifeless eyes, and part of her longed to see herself get up, to stand again, to fight, but she knew; she had no fight left.

She let her tongue run over her dry, cracked lips as she told herself that she was overreacting, that she wasn't dying, Emma wasn't dying... But immediately the thoughts cut back in, forced her to consider the things fists could do, that he could kill her, that she could be being beaten right at that moment, all because of what they had done. It make her feel sick, breathless, and somehow she needed to brush her teeth the get the taste of it out of her mouth, so she forced herself up.

She tried not to think about all the missed calls that were displayed on her phone's screen, Robin Loxely (11), Mom (2), Unknown (1), as she picked up her toothbrush.

She didn't look in the mirror, she didn't want to see, the guilt in her own eyes would be more than she could bare. After days of only water, the toothpaste was too strong, too minty, and it almost burned her mouth, but she didn't stop.

Part of her was waking up. She could feel something shuddering back to life, because she knew, a life of hurt, a life of feeling something, was better than feeling nothing at all - Emma had taught her that. Emma, the name stung, yet it ached. It brought back the best times of her life and held her in the worst, and even though they were only together just two days ago, it felt like a different lifetime now, a different era, dark.

Her toes curled in the thick carpet as she made her way down the stairs, she didn't have to hold the rail anymore, not even in the dark. Every step brought a new question, a new fear, a new loss of the weightlessness that sleep had granted her for so long. The question that hung heaviest, held tightest, asked if she was wrong not to report the abuse, if she was wrong to ever give in to Emma's kisses, to relent and touch her, to let herself love her. Her bare foot hit the cool old floorboards as she reached the bottom of the stairs and she knew the answer. Loving Emma was unavoidable, it would have come no matter how hard she resisted.

Being with her was just as easy, just as perfect, and she couldn't let herself regret that, she couldn't let what other people thought of their relationship color the minutes after their bodies went slack and they lay in each other's arms. Some things were too sacred, and Regina knew, they had taken enough. At every turn, she had treated Emma like an adult, trusted her judgement. She'd kissed her once she was sure she wanted to be kissed, touched her when she'd asked to be touched, she'd given her all the power to decide. Could she undermine her now, go against her choice and report the abuse? Would she really end up in the foster system? There were too many variables out of her control, and with only months to go, she just couldn't take that risk.

Only months, something in her mind echoed that thought and suddenly, it felt like a lifetime again. The coffee machine was on, and though she was empty, she was awake. She needed to go out, she knew that. Most of the groceries in her fridge would be rotting by now, not that she kept much to rot - a few bits of salad, eggs for when Emma wanted to bake, milk. There'd be no more baking. The thought should hurt, but it just bounced around, echoing off the walls, lost in the emptiness she stepped out of her front door and scooped up the stack of mail that had formed in her box in just a few days. Her bare feet padded against the floor as she moved back to the kitchen, their beat broken by the bleep of the coffee machine, and she flipped on the light. Her eyes hurt, and she shielded them with the mail, finding her cup without needing to look and waiting for it to fill.

By the time she sat on the sofa, her eyes were adjusting to the light that filtered in from the adjoining room. The first sip of coffee burned her lips, burned down her throat, and burned through the fog in her head. The first envelope felt heavy in her fingers, though it was thin, and she knew that the paper was quality. She turned it over, slipping her finger below the flap and extracting the single sheet of paper - she instantly recognized the crest. More coffee slid down her throat, warmth spreading to her extremities even as her dark eyes followed the lines, read the termination of her contract word by word, settled on Plain Jane's signature at the bottom - Her name was Astrid. Regina thought Jane still suited better.

She was numb. Her job was gone. Something about complaints and the interest of the school, her contract being up for renewal at the end of the year anyway... It was another thing done. It was exhausting. Something somewhere registered that she had lost her job, lost her income - not that her trust fund minded, but she'd lost her dream. Her fingers gripped the mug tighter, ignoring the way the china burned her, as she wondered if she'd ever be employed by a school again.

She hadn't seen the newspapers, she didn't want to, but she knew what they'd say. She wondered if her mother had heard yet, before she quickly decided that she hadn't - if she had, there'd be 202 missed calls, not a mere 2. The news drained her energy, and the stack of mail suddenly felt like too ambitious of a move, even though she knew most of it would be junk. Her stomach growled as she leaned forward to place the envelopes on the floor, her coffee cup beside them, but she ignored it, swinging her legs up onto the sofa and curling onto her side.

It was cold without the heat, without Emma to make a fire, without a slender body pressed against her's, but Regina allowed herself not to think of that now. The coffee had revived her, given her just enough energy to fall back into an uneasy, dreamless, sleep.

#

Knocking woke her, and though the shades were down, she could tell that it was bright outside. As Regina pushed herself up, her heart jumped into her throat, remembering what had followed the last series of knocks at her door, though half of her doubted Emma was stupid enough to come back now.

"Regina..." Robin's voice came through her front door, and she sat very still, confused about why he was there, and what he could possibly have to say to her. "Regina I know you're in there... " He was quiet for a second, and she wondered if he had given up and left, before he spoke again.

"Look... I don't know what happened, but I know, you must feel like crap... I'm sorry, okay? I was an ass and I'm sorry... But you're still new here, and it's my fault you don't have any friends..."

She could hear him bang his fists against the thick wood in defeat.

"Look, I know you probably hate me, but open the door, please... Just tell me you're alright and I'll go."

She didn't respond. She had nothing to say. Regina watched her fingers pick at the hem of the oversize shirt she was wearing, the silence broken only by her steady breaths, as she waited.

"Fine... I have an hour before work if you change your mind. You've got my number Regina, I'm leaving it on a note here again in case you deleted it, just... Call me, please, even if it's just to tell me to leave you alone."

She waited until she heard the car start and pull away, before she moved. The clatter of falling china surprised her, and as she pulled her foot away and looked down, she watched last nights cold coffee spreading over her pile of letters, which she quickly scooped up. The top one was ruined, a takeout menu that had shielded the rest, and she let it fall back to the floor with a wet flop. What she saw underneath made her heart skip in painful anticipation. The lettering on the envelope was some she would recognize anywhere, even though it said just one word, 'Regina'.

She didn't even open it, still clutching the white envelope to her chest as she shot to her feet, ignoring the pool of coffee that was seeping into her floorboards as she ran to her front door and flung it open. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she knew it was improbable, impossible, but Emma had been there, and part of her just had to check. The cold air hit her bare legs and made her shiver, and a gasp off to her right made her head whip around.

Spectacled eyes looked at her, and Regina watched as her neighbor grabbed one of her children and pulled the little girl behind her. The confusion only lasted for a second, before it registered - to this town, she was some kind of pervert now.

"Shame on you!" She hadn't expected the woman to call out to her, and she just looked on numbly as she ushered her children into her car. Regina didn't move, she was frozen to the spot, the cold air finding her skin beneath the thin cotton of the shirt, freezing her, icing out even the stuttering of her heart at the letter in her hand, as she watched, waiting until the woman had driven away shaking her head, before she stepped back inside.

The envelope was heavy in her hands, and though her breathing was steady, her heart felt like it was about to explode, from the fear, the excitement of what the envelope might contain, from the horror, the adrenaline of the exchange with her neighbor. She slipped her finger under the flap and pulled it open, extracting a piece of paper and what felt like a pamphlet of some kind, though she was too preoccupied with the letter to look further.

_'Regina, I love you, so much. I'm so sorry, about all of this. Please don't worry about me, I'm okay. I miss you.'_

She took a deep breath, suddenly it was hard to push air into her lungs, all the comforting numbness gone, chased away by the sentiments Emma had put on the page for her.

_'I can’t imagine how you feel, I never wanted it to come to this, you deserve better than this. He took Ruby to the pound after we got home. It's my fault, he took her because I wouldn't do what he wanted me to. He says no one will adopt her and they'll put her down.  I sent you her vet book. She has no one else to look after her now, and neither do you, she's my family and you, you’re everything Regina. Maybe you could be something to each other? I'm so sorry, for everything, for all of it. I’m going to make things better. I love you so much, I miss you every day. I won't forget.'_

The note wasn't signed, it didn't need to be, and Regina turned it over, her head reeling, desperate for there to be more, for it not to be over, but it was. Folding the thin paper carefully, a page from one of Emma's notebooks, she slipped in back in the envelope, holding it to her chest. She turned over the leaflet in her hands, and saw it was a health record. The words 'Ruby May Kennedy-Mills' were embossed across the front, and Regina recognized the ink that had written the letter was a different color from the rest, and had added the last word, 'Mills'.

#

As she sped through post-rush hour streets, Regina was glad she hadn't let the doubt that had plagued her when her fingers had touched her door handle for the second time that day win. She hated the dog. From the moment she saw it, Regina had been equal parts scared and repulsed by it; having never owned a pet in her life, she had never intended to start now.

The letter was in the pocket of the leather jacket she had pulled on, her hair still smelled like shampoo from the shower, the jeans that hugged her legs felt too tight after days of nothing, yet, she was here. Emma loved her. For a few minutes after she'd read the letter, it was enough, the hole in her chest was gone, and she could breathe. She had a reason to move, a reason to get up and go out other than going on, because going on without Emma wasn't an option, yet going on for her, she could permit herself that.

As she'd moved around, going through the motions, getting herself ready to step outside, the hole had slowly re-opened, tearing and burning, white hot and tender around the edges, yet she tried to ignore it. She would have plenty time to let it burn tomorrow, and the day after, and those after that, when the dog wouldn't be in danger of being put down and breaking Emma's heart. The dismissal letter told her she had no job to rush back to, and her neighbors disgusted comments told her that another wasn't looming just around the corner either.

As she rounded another bend, glancing down at the GPS on her phone and hoping there was only one pound in the town, she knew, today, she had permission to be okay. It was strange to her, she was a stranger to herself sometimes, the girl who slid down behind her front door and cried, the one who just slept and looked out of the window with lifeless eyes. Now she was back in the driver's seat, and she was wearing the clothes that made her look like herself, her hair perfectly styled in a way that she knew was typical for her, yet inside, she was just empty.

Every waking second, some part of her brain wondered what Emma was doing, where she was, if she was safe. She could only hope that this, what she was about to do, would make her happy one day, because Regina knew, it was only going to intensify her own misery. The lot was empty and she pulled up, parking across two spaces, barely noticing.

As soon as she stepped out of the car, the smell hit her - musky, dirty, and she forced herself not to get back in and drive away. The whole building looked like a small prison, and so she headed for what looked most like an entrance, and pushed open the door, trying not to grimace as the smell intensified. She met with a pair of tired brown eyes, and she immediately sized up the man sitting behind the desk, he was the thing standing between her and her reluctant goal. A crossword was in his hands, a steaming mug of coffee on his desk - the smell made her realize how hungry she was.

"I've come to adopt a dog..." She didn't wait for him to greet her, and tried to sound excited at the prospect, rather than as horrified as she felt.

"G'Morning Ma'am. I'm afraid we don't have any adoptables at the moment." He glanced up from his cross-word and Regina took a step closer.

"You ran out of dogs?" She let her eyes narrow slightly, not quite believing him, and praying that she wasn't too late.

"We have adoption guidelines..." His reply was polite, but bored, and she wondered how many times he'd had to give this speech. "To be adopted a dog has to fulfil a certain set of criteria, mainly safety, behavior and health checks, and at the moment, none of the dogs do."

Regina stood still, frozen, until seconds dragged and she could feel dark eyes on her now, confused - she was just glad that he didn't seem to have recognized her from the media.

"Well..." Her voice was a little high, but determined, "Suppose I'll just have to take my old one back then...” She laughed a tight little laugh that didn't reach her eyes, and the warden just looked appalled.

"You've... lost a dog?" His bushy eyebrows rose closer to his hair line, and Regina leaned against the counter, nodding.

"Sure have... My dog Ruby, well lost might be the wrong word... My ex boyfriend..." She leaned a little closer, glancing around before she spoke as if she was sharing a secret, "Real dick...” She repeated the words nodding, as she wondered what the hell she was doing. She was playing a game, spinning a web, and for a second, she felt like the girl she'd been in college, always too fast, too smart, above it all, except now, the stakes were so much higher - at least to Emma.

"He brought my dog here after I dumped his sorry ass... But I told him, I just can't do his laundry and make all the meals, I mean..." She trailed off from her rant, looking up at the warden with a little shrug, "Sorry... I have a lot of rage..." Regina watched the man clear his throat and put down his paper, and she hoped to god that meant he was going to fetch the damn dog for her, preferably in a cage, so she could go home.

"And what breed is your dog, Rosie?"

"Ruby..." The correction was automatic, and Regina was pleased with herself for that.

"She's a siberian wolf...dog, wolf-dog, thing... I call her my wolf dog..." She gave another little laugh that sounded so false to her own ears that she wondered if the man thought she was clinically insane.

"Your boyfriend, the fifty year old guy who was in here a few days back..." He started to speak, and Regina could hear the dubious note in his voice.

"Ex..." She cut in quickly, "That asshole is my ex-boyfriend..." The warden's eyes bugged a little wider, before he caught himself and recovered.

"You're errr, ex-boyfriend, gave away your dog, because you wouldn't do the laundry and the cooking, and it's a Siberian wolf dog bitch?"

Regina nodded, sucking her bottom lip, "Yeah, she's definitely a bitch... I don't mean to be rude, but can I just take her home now? I have a Pilates class before lunch." She didn't even question where the hell that one had come from, and hoped to god he didn't ask her what Pilates was, because all she knew was what she had seen in the college gyms when she used to sit up on the balcony and watch - flexible girls in spandex.

"We just have to ask a few more questions first ahh Miss..." He looked up at her, waiting for a name.

"Regina... Regina is fine..." She hoped he wouldn't recognize the name.

"Well, Miss Regina, could you tell me a bit about Ruby's appearance?" She nodded, though she was suddenly caught off balance - if this was going to turn into twenty questions, she could lose the stupid dog for good.

"Well, she's dark, thick fur, really dark eyes. I'd say she's about this tall..." Regina stepped back and indicated a height halfway between her knee and her hip, "And she has really big teeth..." The warden nodded, flipping through some notes she hadn't noticed that he'd produced.

"And you have proof of ownership, like a dog license, or the breed papers, an old photograph?" She reached into her pocket, and took out the envelope she still had there, carefully separating the health card from the note and pulling it out, before she handed it over.

"She's good for all her shots..." She hadn't even checked, but if she knew Emma, the dog would be healthy and more.

"The err.... Kennedy-Mills?" The warden looked up at her, and Regina rolled her eyes.

"It's just Mills now... That asshole... I mean what kind of name is Kennedy-Mills? But you know how men are, I've had the dog for years, and he comes along and of course it has to have a surname now, and of course his name has to go first..." Regina gave an exaggerated sigh, hoping the warden was buying all this as he nodded blankly.

"Alright Miss Mills... I'll just need to make a copy of this, and then I'll take you through to get your dog. Did you bring a leash or a carrier?"

It had worked, all Regina could do was be thankful in that moment that somehow, her lies had worked. As horrifying as the prospect of owning the wolf was, the thought of Emma finding out that it was dead, somehow, seemed worse. "A leash?" She echoed the word, watching the man look up exasperated, and nod.

"Well, honestly? I don't believe in leashes... I like to let it, go free range... you know?"

"Ma'am, in the state of Maine it's illegal to walk your dog unrestrained on a public highway, you know that?" His hands were hovering above the photocopier, and Regina cursed herself for not thinking of this earlier.

"Absolutely Sir, that's why I let it roam around in my yard, when we walk out on those public highways, I always keep it thoroughly restrained... I'll just, I'll go get my leash... Must have left it in the car..." She turned away, thankful that the heat she could feel in her cheeks wouldn't be visible - she was too well practiced at hiding her feelings. As she made her way back out of the door and into the relative fresh air, she sucked in a deep breath, hoping that someday when things made sense again the knowledge that the dog would be safe would put a smile on Emma's face.

She had no leash. She had no rope, nothing that she could even pass off as a leash, and she debated going back and telling the warden as much, but somehow she felt like she was treading on thin enough ice already. She made a show of looking around the spotless interior of her car, ignoring the half eaten packet of gummy worms nestled in the dash, the ones she and Emma had shared one evening that felt like a lifetime ago now. Pushing the memory away, she moved onto the trunk - she had to focus on getting the dog, at least for right now. She half heartedly scanned the contents of her Mercedes trunk, lifting the spare tire and looking at the little safety kit nestled below it. She was about to give up, accept defeat, and go back inside to ask if she could come back with a leash, when something caught her eye... It wouldn't really do, but it was all she had.

The air seemed even more heavy with the stench of dog as Regina re-entered the building, yet she gave the warden a bright smile as he handed back Ruby's health record, "All set?" He seemed a little too chipper now, and Regina nodded, hoping that wasn't because he was pleased to be getting rid of the wolf - she was already worried enough about what it might do to her house without his smug smile. She followed the man to the other side of the room, her eyes fixed on the back of his balding head, as he opened a series of doors and eventually lead her out into an area filled with rows and rows of kennels. The noise was deafening. Barking, whining, howling, and Regina had to resist the urge to cover her ears; the warden didn't seem to notice it.

She followed him through the lines of cages, making a point of not looking at the inhabitants that either cowered in corners or jumped at the bars - she didn't want to see all the things dogs were capable of, she was wary enough as it was. As she continued to follow, wordlessly, the smell of excrement and urine burning the back of her throat, a high pitched howl that was so loud it was ear-splitting, set her teeth on edge, driving her to the point of distraction, meaning that when the warden stopped in front of a cage, she almost crashed into him.

"This her?" Regina looked over his shoulder and nodded, feeling the blood drain out of her face. The wolf looked bigger than she remembered, sitting back on it's haunches it barely seemed to have noticed them. Its head was thrown back, and to Regina's horror, the howling, was coming from it's lips.

"Go right ahead ma'am... She must be missing home, hasn't shut up since we put her back here..."

Regina nodded and forced a smile, swallowing hard as the man unlocked the gate and moved back to allow her to step inside. Fear was making her heart beat hard, and as she stepped into the space, the wolf noticed her, it's piercing black eyes on her, as the howling subsided and it stood to it's full height. Regina wanted to shrink away, she wanted to turn around and step back out of the cage, she wanted to tell the warden she was just kidding and go home and forget it all, but she couldn't.

Emma loved the dog, that much was obvious, the happy little buzz in her voice when she spoke about it, the way her slender pale fingers had twisted in its thick fur that day by the car - for better or for worse, Regina knew, she had to save it, even though she was sure that the thing might kill her before she got it home.

"Alright... Let's go..." Her voice was weak, watery, scratchy with fear, and taking a tentative step closer, she cleared her throat.

"Uhh Ma'am?" She heard the wardens voice from outside the bars and she half turned her head, glad of the distraction, but unwilling to totally turn her back on the creature. "That... Uhh, that's your leash?" She watched him eye the jump cables in her hands, before she forced herself to nod sincerely.

"I just find they give me a really good grip, y'know?" She didn't wait for a reply before she turned back to the wolf, and attaching one of the crocodile clips back onto its own length of cable to make a lasso, she stepped forward.

"Alright Ruby, come on, let's go home..." Regina's heartbeat was wild in her ears, fear made her fingers feel cold, numb, her muscles charged and ready to flee, as she took another step forward and threw the loop of wire around the dog's thick neck, pleased when it didn't react. "Okay... Okay, good... Good..." She was talking as much to herself as she was to the animal, as holding her arm fully extended out to the side, she walked forward, her body angled away from it.

"Okay... open the gate..." Her voice was a little higher pitched, as her heart raced, her mismatched eyes fixed on the dog, as it took a tentative step forward, reacting to the pull of the wire on it's neck. "Shit..." Regina uttered the word under her breath, feeling her knees try to freeze up in terror, and though her hands were shaking, she forced herself to take another step forward. "I mean, Sit... Ruby, sit..." The wolf totally ignored her, but Regina smiled, as she realized the warden was watching her with suspicious eyes, and she waited impatiently, her heartbeat in her ears counting out the time until finally, he opened the gate.

The walk to the car was slow, and once they were out of the building and alone in the lot, Regina breathed easier, yet she was even more terrified. She had done it, she had saved the dog, but now, alone with it, there would be nobody to pull it off when it inevitably sunk its huge teeth into her. It padded along a few paces behind her and off to the side, and although the wire was slack, it seemed content to follow, she was grateful for that. There's was something unnerving about the way it watched her, its eyes unnaturally dark, judging, its movements graceful, sinuous, too fast, too deadly. Regina's arm ached from holding it so far away from her body, but she didn't retract it, barely taking her eyes off Ruby while she hit the unlock button and opened the back door of her car.

"Alright... Just... Get in the car..." It pained her even to say it, to think of her black leather upholstery littered with dog hair and dirt, but she forced herself to think of Emma as she stepped back and waited for it to comply. "Get in... Come on... Go..." She tugged the wire and jumped back as the wolf grunted in discontent. "I'm going to die... I'm going to save her dog and it's going to kill me..." She uttered the words, rubbing her palms against her jeans, trying to ignore the way they were slick with nervous sweat, as she grappled for an idea.

They were at an impasse, and Regina was suddenly conscious that the warden would look out of the tiny barred window of his office, see the whole scene and take the thing back. Her stomach growled and she sighed, frustrated. She was cold, she was hungry and her life was in pieces, she wanted to go home, make coffee, lie on her bed... she didn't want any of this. The thought gave her an idea, and still holding the wire loosely, she edged her way along the car, until she could open the driver door and reach across, the packet of sour gummy worms in her hands.

"You like gummy worms? Everybody likes gummy worms..." She was talking to the dog and she felt ridiculous, but regardless, she stuck her hand in the packet, produced a couple of the candies and threw them into the back seat of the car, amazed when the dog jumped in after them, whipping the jump cables from her hand. She winced at the sound of claws scratching leather, frozen for a second, surprised that it worked, before coming back to her senses, she stepped forward and slammed the door shut, glancing around the empty lot, momentarily victorious.

#

The sheets were cool and Regina instantly missed the warm slender body that belonged beside her, bitterly. The victory of Ruby's rescue was short-lived, and elated as she'd been, on arriving home, she'd gotten annoyed just as quickly.

The wolf had curled up on her sofa the minute she'd let it through the door, and too scared to budge it, she'd spent the afternoon in bed, ignoring it and hoping it would do the same. Dinner had been a tense affair and Regina rolled her eyes into the dark as she remembered the way she'd screamed when the thing had crept up the stairs and head butted her shoulder, scaring her half to death before she realized what it wanted.

She let her eyes fix on the ceiling, wondering where Emma was, what she was doing, before she forced herself to stop, torturing herself wouldn't bring her around, and as much as she wanted her to come, Regina knew it was for the best that she stayed away - she couldn't go to prison. The cut on her finger snagged on the sheets and she hissed in surprise, sticking it into her mouth as she remembered catching it on the sharp edge of the can - canned peaches seemed like a suitable dinner, and the wolf didn't seem to mind canned chilli.

She promised herself she'd shop tomorrow, if she made it out of bed. Everything felt so pointless now, though Regina knew it wasn't, part of her knew she was just afraid, though a larger part of her refused to acknowledge that. She was afraid to carry on with her life, to move on, to become the person she was before Emma was in it, because now, it wasn't that she didn't like her very much, she just felt nothing but apathy towards the self she used to be.

The little heart was cool around her neck, the woolen blanket scratchy under her chin, and she tried to take comfort in those things, the only concrete proof she had that once upon a time, Emma loved her. They weren't enough. Sleep began to tug at her, and Regina didn't resist. As she dozed in the shallows of it's cool stream, she silently hoped for a dream like the one she'd had the night before the meeting... The one that was real, the one where she was holding Emma, kissing her, where for just a few more stolen hours, there was only them in the world... Those kinds of thoughts were a mistake, yet it was too late to erase them.

The sadness was there, the loneliness, the longing, and at the same time, the thoughts of the meeting brought the red hot poker of guilt, the brand of fear, and pushed them both hard into her chest. Her breath caught in her throat, she was almost consciously dreaming as she was pulled back to the little boardroom, back to the moment Emma stood, the minute she was leaving. She could still see his hand on her shoulder, the glaze on her green eyes, the malice in his... She could still hear his words, the promise behind them. She could taste the bile, both imagined and real, as she remembered the moment she realized he was going to beat her.

Something thumped onto the mattress beside her and Regina shot bolt upright, both furious and relieved to be released from the dream.Black eyes peered at her in the dim light and she shot back up the mattress.

"What are you doing?! Get the hell off my bed!" It was half a command and half a shriek, and the dog just huffed quietly into the darkness as it settled itself down, with little regard for her. "Get off!" Regina tried again, yanking at the comforter and trying to pull it from beneath the animal and roll it off. The dog turned its head, and as the comforter was yanked again, a low growl escaped it's lips, and Regina immediately pulled her hands away, holding her breath. Tears were forming in her eyes, hot angry tears of frustration, and she felt her lip begin to shake.

"Why are you doing this... You have my sofa... Why, why, why?" The question continued, broken by heavy sobs until she knew, it was a different question all together. The springs groaned as she pounded her fists against the mattress, her dark hair dancing around her shoulders as she hit it again and again, until finally, she was done. The sobs didn't stop, even as she rolled onto her side, pulling the comforter around her body and ignoring the dog completely, they carried on, racking her frame until she felt sick.

For years, before all this, she hadn't cried; she'd made it through all day without breaking down, yet now, suddenly, she was inconsolable. She cried until her throat started to hurt, and even then, she just didn't have to energy to swallow back her tears anymore, even with the dog's eyes to watch her, to judge her, the damn had burst and she was too tired to start repairs.

Emma was gone, Emma who had crept up on her so suddenly and slowly become the best thing in her life, taught her how to live a better life. Her dream was in tatters, the dream that had meant so much and cost her everything. The whole town thought she was a pervert, she had lied to the authorities, and worst of all, Emma was still living in a house with that man... None of this felt like her life. She used to know it all, she used to be so in control, so cool, so untouchable, and now she just felt broken, like she'd made too many mistakes, lost too much to ever recover.

Her tears were hot again, angry on her cheeks, a self sustaining cycle as the more she cried the more she hated her own weakness. She'd never planned any of this, she never wanted more than a job, to live comfortably, yet what she had found had been both the absolute best and worst times of her life.

"Don't... Just leave me alone..." She choked out the word as the mattress dipped beside her, though she didn't turn around. If the dog was going to kill her, it might as well get it over with, was all she could think as she felt hot breath on the side of her neck. Regina jumped when something wet touched her cheek, her sobs quiet now, the familiar numbness ready to take her once again under it's tide. Her breathing evening out, and she held still as she felt the dog first sit then lay down beside her, the side of it's body pressed against her back. It was warm, soft, comforting in all the wrong ways, and this only sent more silent tears spilling from her eyes, yet it was there, for better or for worse, she wasn't alone.

A soft huff tickled her neck and Regina pulled the woolen blanket up to cover the exposed skin, still cautious, yet reluctantly grateful for the dogs presence. It was soothing somehow, just to know she wasn't totally alone. Emma loved the thing, and she loved Emma, and maybe somehow, somewhere, through all of this, one day, things wouldn't be such a mess. for any of them. Turning her head slightly, Regina peered through the dark, an beady eye opened, and she watched it watch her, before she relaxed, turned back to lay on her pillow.

"Don't you dare pee in my bed..." Her voice was still raw, hoarse, it cracked, yet she felt better for saying the words, like a piece of herself remained, a piece of strength, something still in her that would help her carry on, and with the dog pressed up against her back, she closed her eyes and let herself be dragged back into an exhausted sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

"Stop... God, Stop..." Regina covered her ears with her pillow but the noise went on, an impossible alarm that she didn't recognize and had even less of an idea of how to shut off.  

Rolling over she groaned, emerging from her cocoon of pillows and blankets, her eyes sensitive to the golden early May light that streamed in through her window, and then she saw it.  

The wolf was sat back on its haunches, and it all came flooding back to her, the note, the same scene at the pound and she knew, she couldn't live like this.   

"Shut up! Stop... Stop, damn it..." She tried everything short of pleading, yet the noise went on, and exasperated she swung her legs over the edge of the bed, standing, careful to keep her distance as she moved around the dog to find something to throw at it. 

To her amazement, the minute her feet hit the cool wooden floorboards the noise subsided. Turning, she faced the animal, her brown eyes meeting its black ones as she lifted her hands, palms up, searching for an answer. 

"What do you want?" Of course, no reply came, and giving up, she turned and made her way downstairs, deciding a cup of coffee and then back to bed seemed like a legitimate way to waste what was left of her day. Regina tried to ignore the click of claws, the soft pad of leathery feet on the stairs behind her as she descended, flicking on the coffee machine before she caught sight of the clock.  

"Six forty-seven in the morning?! What is wrong with you?!" She turned, ready to assault Ruby with her eyes, when she saw her standing by the back door, and instantly understood. With an indignant huff, she crossed the space and slid back the dead bolt, "Alright, go ahead..."  

Part of her wanted to slam the door behind the dog as it slunk out, though she knew, she couldn't. Her being too late might have been one thing, her letting it freeze to death would be quite another. 

Turning back to the coffee maker, Regina sighed heavily. Sleep and coffee, that was what she needed, she needed to sleep until things were less blurry, until she had a solid plan, until she had Emma back, safe, permanently. Her thoughts were interrupted as a now familiar loud howling erupted outside, and conscious of the neighbors that already hated her, Regina rushed outside.  

"What... What?!" She hissed, standing in just her sweats, freezing as the noise subsided again and black eyes taunted her.   

"Get back inside, you idiot..." The dog ignored her, trotting towards the gate at the side of her house, picking up its pace before with one graceful leap, the fence was cleared. Regina's heart jumped into her throat as she ran out the back door and saw it standing at the side of the house, tail erect, head cocked, almost waiting for her.  

"No... Get back in... Come back..." Ruby ignored her, instead barking loudly, making Regina cringe and make frantic hand motions in an attempt to stop the sound, though it didn't work. Rushing back into the house Regina shoved her feet into her sneakers and grabbed the jump leads that were still on the table, rushing back out and towards the animal.  

"This is not okay! It's seven am... This is my yard... You stay in it..." Stepping forward, their late night truce giving her a little more confidence, she moved to throw the lasso of wire around the dog's neck, dismayed when it darted backwards and began to run down the road.   

"You need to be restrained on a public highway!" Ruby didn't care, and Regina knew she had no choice. Her hair was a mess, her back door was wide open, her coffee going cold and she was wearing no bra, yet Ruby was trotting away. Emma's dog, the thing she loved so much, was trotting off to be stolen or hit by a car or taken back to the pound, and try as she did just to let it go, Regina couldn't. Cursing under her breath, the jump cables still clutched in her hand, she set off after the dog. 

# 

"I hate you..." Regina glanced in the rearview of her car, trying not to think back to her disaster of a morning. It was only just after lunch, and she still hadn't made it back to her bed. Ruby had stayed always a few steps ahead, always just out of reach, and though she hadn't exercised since college, Regina found herself taking a run around the park and returning to her house, only catching the dog once they were back inside her gate. It had been infuriating, frustrating, yet somehow, running, getting her endorphins mobilizing into her blood stream, feeling the burn in her chest, running off some of her pent-up energy, it had been good. 

She steered the car around a bend, unsure of where she was going, relying once again on her phones GPS as she realized how little of her now hometown she had taken the time to get to know; with Emma beside her, there had never been a need. A cough from the back had her glancing in the rearview mirror, and she hoped the damn thing wasn't choking. Breakfast had been a modest affair, another can of peaches and a frozen steak pie for Ruby - she'd snatched it before Regina could put it in the microwave, prompting her to realize that dogs needed dog food, and she needed more human food. 

She pulled into the lot of the closest pet store google had provided her with and killed the engine. "Stay there, don't wreck anything..." It was a simple enough instruction and she stepped out, locking the doors behind her, convincing herself to forget the advertisements she saw on TV about leaving dogs in cars - it wasn't a hot day so if the damned thing died she couldn't be held responsible anyway.  

Inside the shop it didn't take her long to snare an overenthusiastic assistant, her cart filled with cans of dog food, shiny new blue bowls and what the teenager had informed her was a bed for dogs... She'd drawn the line at toothpaste, unwilling to put her fingers anywhere near the wolf's teeth, dental decay or not. 

"I think I'm covered, I just need a leash... something strong..." She added the last part as an afterthought, ignoring the way the assistant ogled her chest as she spoke. 

"Excuse me?" She let the words fall, ice cold, raising an eyebrow, inwardly amused as she watched him realize his mistake.  

"I... Does your dog pull? Different types of dog do better with different leashes, what type is it... Your dog I mean...?" He trailed off and Regina fought the urge to smirk. 

"A siberian wolf..." The boy laughed though she didn't see what was funny, the sound quickly dying on his lips as she followed him to the correct aisle, pushing her now well-laden cart. 

"These are a popular choice for the husky types..." Regina eyed the strips of fabric and rings he was holding up.  

"It's a harness..." Seeing her bemused expression he separated the straps, showing her roughly how it would go on. "We also do a leash to match..." He picked up a thick black leash with a handle that reminded Regina of a waterski rope, and instantly, she liked it.  

"I'll take it..." With her new goods selected, she thanked the assistant, and headed to the check out. 

# 

"Don't kill me..." Regina uttered the words as she looked up at Ruby. Sitting on her kitchen floor in front of the counter, the harness laid out on the tiles, she never would have foreseen herself doing this. 

"Alright... Don't freak out, just step in..." She cursed herself inwardly for not asked the guy from the store to come out to her car and put the ski harness and rope on the wolf, it would have made things so much easier, but she hadn't and now she was stuck trying to do it herself. She watched her own hand reach for out of the animal's front legs, hovering for her second, her dark eyes on cool almond ones before she took hold on the limb, lifting it gently and placing it down in the loop of fabric. 

"Alright, there's one..." The words were a breathy exhale, and she could feel the dog watching her, but feeling a little braver she reached for the other leg. Somehow, it was done, and carefully leaning forward, she pulled the harness up onto Ruby's body and snapped the two parts of the clip together on her back. The loud buzz of her phone vibrating against its place on the counter made Regina jump back, hitting her head against the smooth wood behind her, before she scrambled to her feet, eyeing Ruby as she trotted away, harness intact. 

"Hello?" Distracted, she accepted the call without looking, and as soon as the caller spoke, she knew that had been a huge mistake. 

"Regina? Regina! Tell me it's not true... Tell me you haven't ruined your life... What the hell were you thinking Regina? A seventeen year old girl, a child?"  

She slammed the phone down, her heart in her mouth, adrenaline making her cheeks feel warm, yet everything inside her felt cold, sick. The last thing she needed today was her mother, yet inadvertently she had gotten her. 

The warm glow of distraction from the pet store, from struggling with the harness, they were gone now, iced out by the horror in her voice, her words - ruined, child... Her head throbbed, and she couldn't decide if it was from the unexpected intrusion or the bump against the counter, either way, it didn't matter. Suddenly, it felt like she couldn't breathe all over again. 

Regina moved through the house, trying desperately to gain control over her thoughts again, to find the rewind button and go back to where she'd been just minutes before, but of course, it was impossible. She found Ruby on her unmade bed and plonked down on the opposite side of the mattress, trying not to think of how Emma would have laughed and smoothed out the sheets before she fell into her arms. 

Emma wasn't a child, yet legally, she was. Regina didn't feel like a pervert, like someone who did illicit things with children; in all their time together, she'd just been in love, yet suddenly, that was a crime. It seemed impossible to her, after days and weeks of consideration, how someone could be defined as a child until the exact point of their eighteenth birthday, where suddenly they came of age. She knew, better than most, it just wasn't that simple; there couldn't be one defining point that suited all. Emma was an adult, she was grown, Regina guessed she'd been so long before she met her, yet there were students in her class that she knew wouldn't be until long after their eighteenth birthdays had passed. 

Emma loved her, she'd chose to be with her, and Regina told herself that, determined not to let the views of others color what had been the truth of their relationship, though with her mother's words ringing in her ears, it was increasingly hard. The dog shifted beside her and Regina reached out and patted it on the back, without really thinking.

She hoped Emma was being kept away from all this, it was too ugly. Her mind showed her sad green eyes at the meeting when they'd called it rape... Regina hated the word now, it made her feel sick, her insides twisted, though there was no conflict in her mind.  

She'd never raped her, there's never been a time where she'd touched Emma without her consent, there'd never been a moment where Emma wasn't fully competent to decide. Her chest had been so full, she was so in love with her, and she could see the sentiment reflected back through her green eyes - they'd loved each other, been together, showed each other how they felt in the purest way, and yet the world still wanted to cast a dark stain across that. 

Her fingers were still resting in the thick fur on the dogs back, and though Regina noticed, the thing didn't seem to mind, and so she let them stay there as she thought. The note had been the last piece of contact they'd had, and she had the words almost memorized by now.  

Ruby was safe, she'd done that for Emma, and loathe as she was to admit it, maybe it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. Regina knew it was stupid, self-destructive, but she ached to see her, to hold her, to kiss her and feel her fingers on her cheeks again. She had so many questions, so much she had never found the moment to say, she wanted to hold her, and know, she was safe. 

Emma hadn't contacted her, and Regina remembered the night she came, the dream that morphed into the sweetest reality, the last time she touched her, their last kiss. She'd sent her away, even with pale arms locked tight around her neck, she'd sent her away. She hated herself for that, yet she knew, she couldn't go to jail. It was impossible not to wonder, if she hadn't been so assertive about it, if she had left just a little more doubt, would she have heard the soft slap of sneakers on her floorboards in the dead of night, would she have felt cold skin and a warm touch, the familiar weight of her body settling above her. She was choking now on tears she didn't know how to cry. She had to see her. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't let herself paint herself as guilty by breaking the restraining order, yet she couldn't stay away.  

She had to see her. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't let herself paint herself as guilty by breaking the restraining order, yet she couldn't stay away.  

She was still dressed, and her clothes were starting to feel less tight, less restrictive, more like the second skin they used to be. Her energy was returning slowly, buoyed by the arrival of Ruby, of all the reasons she brought that kept her out of her bed for most of the day. She was finding the energy to fight, and that, she knew, was as dangerous as it was promising. 

She stood up, hunting around the room for her shoes, the shades were still drawn leaving little light to aid her. She had made up her mind, and her heart was beating faster just at the thought, thrilling as it was, just to hope. She wouldn't go to her, she couldn't, but she could go to the places she might find her, accidentally. She wouldn't look, but she wouldn't stop herself from finding. 

She wanted to laugh, she was sticking up her middle finger at the rules and though it occurred to a tiny part of her that her willingness to do this was what had wrought most of her life's problems, she didn't care. She was going to go walk her damn dog, and if she just happened to bump into Emma, to see a flash of blonde and green, to watch her move and see if she was unhurt, to maybe catch her eyes and mouth that she loved her, before she had to walk away, that would be enough. 

Ruby followed her as she made her way down the stairs, the pad of pads behind the thud of shoes, and Regina clipped the ski rope leash onto the harness, taking a firm hold on the large handle, and leaning back just to test its strength - the dog barely budged. She pulled on her coat, wrapping the thick material around her and pulling up the hood - she didn't need any more comments about her life, she just needed to walk, to think to find her.  

She locked the door and Ruby was already pulling the leash, she had to hook it onto the door handle so as not to get pulled over while she wiggled her non-compliant key. 

Finally, they set off, the air crisp, cool, though the sun was warm over head, winter broken now, given way to spring. Regina held onto her handle with two hands, caught somewhere between a walk and an awkward run as she was pulled along, but it didn't matter. She was out, she wasn't giving up, and she was on her way to their place by the water. 

 # 

It was a stupid idea, that's what Regina told herself as she walked through the darkened streets of Storybrooke, yet now, she had felt like she had no choice. Her escapades to find Emma always perpetually failed. She'd tried their spot by the water, Ruby howled her out of bed and around the park every morning, and though she lingered, she never caught sight of Emma walking that way.  

Days had passed and she had hundreds of missed calls from her mother - the woman had even learned how to text apparently, though Regina never opened her messages. Her heels clicked along the sidewalk and she tried to ignore the sound, it felt wrong now, so out of place here and not on the cheap tile floor of the main corridor at Storybrooke High. 

She was modestly dressed, her dark jeans clinging to her legs, her leather jacket hiding a sheer blouse that dipped a little to low to be daytime wear. Her eyes were smoky and her hair was in loose waves - she had forced herself to get properly dressed, just to see if she could muster the energy anymore. 

The bar wasn't the ideal place to be going, she knew that, yet she felt like she was suffocating, sweltering, alone in the house with only Ruby for company. Though the dog woke her at an ungodly hour every morning, and insisted on dragging her out for a run longer than her body could take, Regina no longer hated her.  The house was quiet without Emma, and although there was never a fire in the hearth or the sound of her laughter in the morning, there was always the soft warm weight of Ruby beside her in bed at night, and somehow that had become more comforting than terrifying as the days had slipped away. 

The house was quiet without Emma, and although there was never a fire in the hearth or the sound of her laughter in the morning, there was always the soft warm weight of Ruby beside her in bed at night, and somehow that had become more comforting than terrifying as the days had slipped away. 

She reached the door of the bar and stepped inside. She didn't recognize the man at the door, but it didn't matter. She hadn't come here to make friends, or even to talk, she'd come to sit at the bar, drink tequila and tell herself she wasn't a failure, that she was still functioning, under the guise of doing something social. It was already 9 pm, too late for her to be walking around town alone, but she didn't care; being reckless made her feel better somehow, and so she was. 

The parquet dance floor was moderately full, a song she didn't recognize playing over the sound system, making her realize she hadn't heard her radio for weeks - she wondered when she stopped turning it on when she got into the car, she couldn't remember. Regina's dark eyes scanned along the bar, find a stool off to the side, and heading for it, shrugging off her coat and boosting herself up onto the hard seat. 

The bar tender came right away, she didn't recognize him either, though she was familiar with the way he looked at her, only giving a curt nod when he asked if she was alone, before she launched into her drinks order.  

"Get me a Martini, dirty... and three tequilas..." She held up her fingers to make sure he got the number right ignoring the little smirk he gave her before he turned to tend to her order.  

# 

Coming to the bar was a mistake. Regina sat at her spot by the bar, drinking her way through the better part of half a bottle of tequila, her dark eyes warning anyone who approached her to stay away, her quick tongue making short work of the rest. She didn't want company, she didn't want anything really, just a fresh setting to be alone with her thoughts, and a decent cocktail. 

She didn't notice the body slip into the seat beside her until it was too late, and the man was speaking. "Hi there..." 

"No... I don't want a drink, yes, I'm here alone, no, I don't want to dance, or give you my number or continue this conversation any further... Was nice meeting you..." She spat the words out though she barely looked up from her drink, unwilling to go through another relentless cycle of questions. 

"I was going to ask if you could pass the straws actually..." The voice spoke again, and she turned her head to look at him, tipping it slightly in concession as she slid the tumbler full of straws across the bar to him. He had sandy hair, the long and floppy kind, glancing down she noted that his jeans were as tight as hers but his smile was kind when he thanked her and so she didn't antagonize him further. 

"Sorry to bother you, but do you know where the nearest ATM is?" He spoke again, and this time, Regina really looked at him. His features were pleasant enough, he had an easy smile and his eyes were green, a few shades too dark, yet for a second, they were enough to have her thinking of other greener eyes, to have her breaking. 

"Can't help you sorry, I'm new to town..." That wasn't strictly true, she'd been there for over eight months now, but it seemed easier than trying to explain that she just didn't care. 

"Well, welcome to Storybrooke, I'm newly back. I'm August." He seemed determined to talk to her, though somehow, his attempts didn't feel forced, desperate, sleazy as the ones before and so she tolerated his presence, barely. Her fingers twisted the little heart on its chain as she replied. 

"Regina..." 

Something flashed in his eyes for a second, though she looked away too quickly and missed seeing what it actually meant. For a second, she thought he too believed everything he read in the papers and was about to start another tirade, but he didn't, and so she released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.  

"So you're new in town but you couldn't think of anywhere better to spend your night than MJs?" He glanced around with a smile in his eyes at the people dancing badly or kissing in booths. 

"Wasn't really a planned outing." He was nice enough, a little annoying, but he didn't seem to want anything from her, she knew she should be nicer, but she didn't have the energy. 

"I see, so what brought you to Storybrooke, Regina? Or rather, what kept you? I jumped ship as soon as I was old enough..." He gave an easy shrug as he spoke, a small laugh lighting up his face that reached his eyes.  

Regina remembered suddenly how much she missed laughing and took another long sip from her martini glass. The question stung, and she let her eyes find her drink, she could already feel herself getting ready to bite back, but held her tongue. Sitting here talking to the guy apparently names August, was better than sitting there and drowning in self-pity. 

"Enough to make it worth while." She wasn't willing to be any more specific than that, she didn't want to share all her broken pieces with anybody, especially not this boy who had walked up and sat beside her in the bar. "You're a grad?" He looked a little younger than her but definitely too old for high school, and she struggled to place him. 

"UMass... Miss the city already, but it's good to be back, I missed my sister too." He was watching her and Regina couldn't help but feel like he was waiting for something, testing her somehow, so she just nodded her response. 

"I should go..." She didn't know why she'd said it, what about the conversation had her so suddenly ready to leave, but now she was, she didn't fight it. 

"You won't be missing much, I've been here every night this week, and let me tell you... It's pretty dull..." August didn't seem phased by her sudden departure, and she couldn't help but think he seemed like a genuinely nice guy - he probably deserved to spend his evening with someone significantly less cynical, less bitter than her, and so she stood. 

"If it's so bad why did you keep on coming back?" She asked the question as she slid her arms into her jacket, which was significantly harder now the alcohol that had been swimming in her bloodstream reached her head. 

"I've been waiting for someone, call it a favor.." There was an amused note in his voice that Regina didn't understand, but writing it off to the tequila she nodded. 

"I should go, before my big black wolf huffs and puffs and howls my house down..." She didn't know how much sense she was making but it didn't matter, after all, she told her that this was about not making sense, one night to not deal with it all. 

"You have a dog?" August had turned in his seat now and his eyes felt intense on her, and she nodded, though it felt odd to be calling Ruby hers. 

"A great big black wolf dog... She's a bitch, but she's actually kind of nice too... Sometimes..." The alcohol was making her lips too loose, and she managed a tight smile as she got ready to leave.  

"It was nice to meet you August, I hope you find who you're looking for..." She didn't wait for a reply, before she turned and made her way back towards the door that was significantly harder to find after the tequila. 

"Can I call you a cab, Regina?" His voice caught up with her as the cold night air hit her face, and she wondered why he cared. 

"I don't have far to go... Have good night..." She dismissed him easily, taking one last look at his unsettlingly familiar eyes, his wide set shoulders, well-muscled physique now he stood behind her before without looking back, she walked off into the night. 

# 

"No... No dinner for you..." Regina turned her back, ignoring the way Ruby butted her hip as she continued to fix her own food - a peanut butter sandwich, the first thing she'd been able to bare the thought of trying to eat all day. "What makes you think I'm going to make your dinner?" She muttered the words shooting the dog a look as she screwed the top back onto the peanut butter and moved to replace it in the fridge. She was still seething - the howling had started at just after six am, and hung over or not, she had been dragged on her the early morning run that was becoming familiar now. 

Leaning against the counter, she shoved a bite of sandwich into her mouth and watched as Ruby sat at her feet, lifting up a paw. "Oh... Fancy... Give me the other one and we have a deal..." She waited, watching as the dog just lifted the same paw higher - she wondered how long it had taken Emma to teach her to do that. 

"No... Give me the other... Other one..." She bent down and indicated the other leg, raising her eyebrows as the correct paw was offered.  

"Alright smarty pants..." Regina downed her sandwich, trying not to get lost in thoughts of Emma as she got the half eaten can of dog food out of the fridge and peeled back the cap. 

She'd cried last night, full of tequila and emotion, she'd stumbled home, freezing cold and numb, then crawled into bed, Ruby following her upstairs and curling up beside her, a soft nose on her wet cheek as she sobbed until she fell asleep. The dog wasn't bad... She smelled and the howling was slowly ruining her eardrums, but Regina knew, she was warming up to her, because pathetic as it was, being with Ruby, was better than being alone with her misery. 

"Alright, there, dinner... Eat it up, we're going down to the water tonight, just in case..." 

 # 

 Time kept on escaping, and Regina looked down at the notebook in her hands, the pages empty. A month of trying had been fruitless, every story that formed slipped away or she lost interest. Nothing seemed worth it anymore, no matter how perfect the words, how easily they fell from her pen - she could no longer write herself anywhere.  

She was just Regina Mills - Regina who had lost everything, Regina with no job, no friends, Regina who had wasted a month going running with the dog she never wanted, and trying to write a story she had no desire to tell. 

May had given way to June too fast, and she wasn't ready for so much time to have passed. Her fingers held the pen tighter, her coffee colored eyes fixed on the page, yellow in the mid-morning sun, but still, nothing came. Her toes were buried in thick black fur as her legs hung off the sofa, yet there was no comfort in the warmth, not today.  

The house was still cold, still empty, it still felt lifeless - something was still missing, and Regina had long since given up trying to escape that. 

It had been over a month since she heard from Emma now, somedays she woke up and wondered if she'd ever heard from her at all, if it had ever been real. The tight knitted woolen blanket, Ruby's jet-black eyes and the weight of the little heart around her neck were there as her concrete reminders, as although the ache in her chest never subsided, it lost its sharp edge, and that scared her more than anything. 

The slam of her mailbox closing interrupted her thoughts, and she set down the ominously blank pages, glad of a distraction. Avoiding Ruby at her feet, she made her way back through her front door, with the thick brown envelope that had been sent.  

Her fingers were already lifting the flap as she sat back down, pausing to pet the big furry head that rested in her lap, nose sniffing the paper, curious. She looked at the stack of papers in her hand, curious, flicking through them and seeing the crests of several schools that she didn't recognize - they were job applications. 

Regina's brown furrowed as she reached back into the big envelope, pulling out a small note folded. Her heart stammered for a second, as she thought, maybe, just maybe it would be from her. Eager fingers pulled the corners apart, disappointed when the words were scrawled in a hand she didn't recognize. 

 _'_ _Regina_ , you never return my calls _, but I haven't forgotten about you. I wish you'd let me_ apologize _if nothing else. Anyway, here are some job_ _applications,_ _none of them are too far away, decent salary, easy enough to get back here on the weekends. Hope you're still alive. She's doing okay, her GPA is good,_ _she's_ _all set to graduate. Call me back._ _Robin_ _.'_  

She stared at the note, reading the single sentence over and over in her head, unable to stop. Emma was fine, her GPA was good, she was going to graduate. Regina stared at the words in Robin's untidy hand until Ruby bumped her knee softly, yawning lazily as she looked up at her; Regina ignored her.  

Emma was okay. Robin had told her Emma was okay, and she wondered if this meant that he knew... obviously it did. She was going to graduate. Regina felt tears invading her eyes, and she blinked them away. 

The job applications were still in her lap, forgotten now, that single sentence meaning more than any of them ever could. Days had passed, turning into weeks, which had turned into months, and though the pain had dimmed, it had never gone away. It was back now, razor sharp, hot and cold, crushing as it settled in her chest, and she let the tears fall freely down her cheeks.  

It felt good to hurt like this again, because it was even worse to feel like she was forgetting. She always wanted to see her, to touch her, to kiss her, to find out if their lips would still move together like she swore they used to, to find out if green eyes would be shy again or still meet hers and hold them until they both cried. She'd never stopped wanting her, but now, she needed her, her throat ached with unshed tears, and so, she let them fall.


	20. Chapter 20

Her feet slapped against the ground, the path on the park its usual dark grey, though it was nice to feel the sun a little higher in the sky than she was used to as she ran. Regina was holding the ski handle loosely at her side, glancing down at Ruby who trotted close to her, tongue lolling out, enjoying their workout. 

 It had been a strange morning, her usual morning wake-up call hadn't come, the howling that usually yanked her from her dreams not present. She remembered her surprise as she rolled over, almost falling off the sofa and jostling Ruby who was asleep half on top of her.  

 The pile of job applications had fallen to the floor, but the note still rested on her chest, yet somehow, with a fresh day ahead, it had been easier to read its words one more time, and then fold it safely away. 

 The beat of her feet was regular, the quick pant of Ruby's breath - this was her morning routine, and she smiled as she remembered the first time she had ran this route.  

She was so unprepared then, so afraid of the dog that was now her friend, though she wouldn't admit it. It was odd to be taking their morning run later, Regina was so unaccustomed to seeing people, and having them seeing her in her sweats, hair pulled back, sneakers laced tight, the ski handle in her hands and her big black wolf at her side. 

 She was mildly amused with the way people gave Ruby space, the girls that cooed at her black almond eyes, and the men that looked from the huge dog to her slender frame with an air of respect in their gazes. Regina knew people would look at her so much differently if they knew who she was, but thankfully, they didn't. Enough time had passed, and even in a sleepy little town like Storybrooke, she was no longer the word on everybody's lips. 

 She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, but rather than slow down, she pushed herself forward a little quicker, Ruby keeping step easily at her side, breaking into a slope lope. Running was her release now - unintentional as it had been to begin with, unintentional as anything to do with the dog was, it was the best thing that could have happened to her.  

The looks, the comments, they had all persisted for the first few weeks, she sucked in a breath, forcing herself to keep her breathing even as she remembered the day she was turned away at a small family grocery store a few blocks away after they recognized her picture from the newspaper. None of it mattered now, she had Ruby, she had a reason to leave the house every morning, and though she hadn't managed to produce a novel, as soon as she stopped trying to write for someone else, her words had filled the pages again just as easily as they always had. She was healing. 

 The sun was warm on her face, and as always, Regina thought about Emma - she wondered where she was, what she was doing, if she still thought of her, she hoped she did. 

Ruby surprised her by quickening her pace, shooting forward and taking up all the slack in the leash, and Regina's brow furrowed as they reached the crest of a hill they usually took at a much more modest pace. They had such an easy rhythm now, but she put the interruption down to excitement, not particularly minding the way the dog pulled her, until without warning she launched forward into a full gallop, and even with the large ski handle to grip, Regina couldn't hold on. 

 "Ruby!" She stumbled to a stop, her hands on her hips, gripping her sides that were threatening to stitch as she watched the dog bound off. Of course she chose today to do this, the day they were surrounded by people to watch her, to create a fuss over the big black wolf loose on the park. Looking around exasperated, she sucked in a breath and took off after her. 

 Her lungs were starting to burn now, but Regina pushed on. She could see the tip of Ruby's fluffy tail as she made a hard left up ahead, and wondering where she was going, Regina followed, unnerved. The dog hadn't deviated from their usual path, not since the day she took her first involuntary run behind her, and this behavior was nothing, if not strange.  

 She could feel a thin sheen of sweat, hot on her forehead as she approached the corner, taking it quickly, her breath catching in her throat, the sight she saw before her causing her to pull up short. Emma. 

 Her hair was golden in the late morning sun, the faded blue parker was gone, a warm looking cream coat replaced it, hugging her body that looked a little less slender than Regina remembered; somehow, she looked less breakable. She was a quarter mile away on the path and she hadn't seen them yet, but Regina could see her, she could see Ruby streaking towards her, but she couldn't move. Emma wasn't alone. 

 He leaned down and said something to her and Emma laughed, she laughed a laugh that Regina swore was just for her. Her arm was looped through his, her body language easy, and as she walked closer, Regina could see a happiness on her features that she had ached to see again - to see for her.  

 She felt sick as she recognized him, his wide-set shoulders, his sandy hair, the jeans that clung too tightly to his legs... The boy from the bar, she'd forgot his name, but that didn't matter. 

 She wanted to turn, to run away, to run so far away that she could take it back, so that she could un-see the closeness between their bodies, the way Emma looked up at him with adoration in her eyes, but as she saw green eyes spot Ruby, she knew she was too late.  

 She watched the emotions flit across Emma's face, confusion, disbelief, shock, and she was frozen to the spot as those same green eyes found her. The way she yanked her arm away from the boy, the way she jumped apart from him, a tentative smile on her face, before she saw her expression and it fell away - it told her everything she needed to know. 

 "Regina..." She could see her name on her lips, those familiar lips that she had kissed so many times, that she still felt on her neck in her dreams. They were saying her name. This should be a dream, it should feel like a dream; it felt more like a nightmare. Ruby had reached them now, and Regina watched numbly as she jumped up at Emma, her tail wagging wildly, she even let the boy touch her, and she suddenly felt cheated. 

 "Regina!" She heard her this time, something inside her vaguely aware that she had never heard Emma shout before, though her voice still held as much as a perfect cadence as it did in a whisper. She watched as the girl took a few steps forward, starting towards her, trying to smile, though Regina knew there were tears forming in her eyes, she recognized the crease at the corner of her mouth easily, even after the time that had passed.  

 He stepped forward behind her, one hand on her lower back as he raised his other in awkward greeting. He was touching her. His hand was on Emma, where her hands had been, where she'd spent months aching for them to be again. Regina snapped. 

 She didn't even take a breath before she turned on her heel and began to run. Emma could take Ruby back, maybe her boyfriend could take care of her now... bitter thoughts streamed out behind her, and even though she could hear a once familiar voice screaming her name, she didn't stop. 

 "Go with Regina... Ruby, go...Go with Regina..." She could hear Emma's voice fading and she ran harder, ran faster, speeding past a couple and their stroller, ignoring the looks they gave her. She wasn't crying, and that was something. 

 Her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, her lungs burned and her leg muscled screamed, but Regina didn't stop. The clack of the plastic ski handle bouncing on the hard path told her that she wasn't alone, and she looked down to see Ruby bounding along beside her, though she ignored her, the betrayal still stinging, fresh in her chest. 

 By the time she reached the park entrance her legs felt like lead and jelly all and once, and as she slowed down to a walk, she was almost worried her knees would give way.  

 A wet nose brushed her hand and she pulled it away, too out of breath to speak, though she looked down at the dog with a venom she hoped would transmit. Her heart was beating hard, hammering against her chest wall, her head felt too hot, full of blood and not enough oxygen, and every breath of cool morning air burned it's way down her throat as she continued to walk. 

 "Go away..." The words were weak, breathless, barely there, as she reached the entrance and strode out onto the road, eventually reaching down to retrieve the ski handle when the dog didn't comply. The walk home felt both long and short, her body ached and Regina fought not to throw her breakfast up onto the pavement. The tears didn't come until she stumbled through her front door, and she was proud of herself for that. 

 #

  

Her hair was still damp, loose around her shoulders, droplets of water soaking into the thin grey cotton of her shirt, but Regina didn't move. Her eyes were red, puffy sore, and standing in front of the mirror that rested on her nightstand, she stared blankly at her own reflection. She had cried all her tears in the shower, screamed until she was hoarse, stood there long after the water ran cold, freezing, just to feel something. 

The necklace was still around her neck, and she clutched the pendant tight between her fingers. It was real, the little gold heart told her that it had been real, that once upon a time, she had owned Emma's heart, even if now, it was lost. It seemed impossible, so impossible that Emma could move on. It was impossible to her, the thought of being with anybody else, being the version of herself that she had been for Emma for them; it just didn't translate. She was angry, she knew that she was angry, furious, jealous... All those ugly emotions that kept her teeth biting down on her bottom lip, hard. She felt cold, rough inside, and she knew the tough spiny thing that had saved her as a child was back to reclaim her soul. 

A tear escaped and Regina watched it run down a cheek that was too pale to be hers. She saw lips the shape of her own reflected back, yet they were too purple to belong to her. Emma hadn't waited. The sob was unexpected, and it was too loud, perverse almost in the silence of her bedroom. Ruby was locked in the kitchen, because all though she knew it was fickle, she couldn't bear to look at her after he had touched her, and she didn't want the company. 

Regina didn't want to feel anything anymore, not love, not sadness, not happiness or the constant ache that burned her alive. She didn't want the anger that swelled in her chest as she remembered his hand on Emma's back, she had no use for it now. Emma, was gone. 

She wanted to crumple forwards, she didn't want to watch herself break, yet with one green eye and one brown staring back at her as tears streamed down her face, she didn't give herself a choice - this was what love had done to her, the same thing love always did. She'd loved her Father, a man she'd barely known, she'd loved her mother in a way certain inconvenient things could be loved, and all that had wrought her was sadness. She'd loved Emma with all her heart, she'd let her be her sun and her moon, her reason and her reward, and now, staring back into the mirror, she saw that she was once again left the same way she had always been - alone. 

She wanted to hate her. She wanted to resent her, to blame her, yet Regina knew she could never do any of those things. She was Emma... Her long blonde hair that Regina knew slid so easily between her fingers, her impossibly blue eyes, her thin pink lips that fit so perfectly against her own. She was Emma, and all she could do was love her, ache for her, even if now, even if she loved someone else. 

Her breath caught in her throat painfully, and Regina struggled just to breath, the chain around her neck mocking her now, and though she ached to, she knew she was too weak to take it off. She was angry and she was grieving, and she tried to pull all her shattered pieces back together, the ones she had spent the last two months reassembling, only to have them cast back into the wind. She had thought he was a nice guy, a decent guy, she remembered his easy smile across the bar, and she believed he'd care for her, perhaps. Nobody would care for her like she would, nobody would ever love her like she did. She thought about the way his fingers had lingered at the small of her back, she thought about them on the zipper of the coat that wasn't the blue parker, and Regina barely made it to the cool porcelain of the toilet boil before she lost what little there was in her stomach. 

She sat back, gasping for breath, choking on tears and air, choking on the agony that had swallowed her. Emma was her's, she had always been her's and selfish as it was, Regina had just been certain that she always would be. Part of her mocked her now, sitting on her bathroom floor, hugging the toilet bowl, a wreck, a shadow of all that she used to be. Emma was young, they'd always told her she was young, she was just a student, a seventeen year old girl who's wants were as fickle as the direction of the wind. Regina wanted to deny it, she wanted to say it was untrue, but who was she to comment? She didn't know her anymore, the time where she had was passed, the days were she'd wait for her by the park, the nights they'd whisper into the darkness, all the kisses that were so sweet that the memory burned; they were gone. 

It was naive, she told herself it was so naive to expect Emma to wait for her, to stay with her, to love only her, to be with only her for the rest of her life. She was young, she'd barely lived, bared experienced, though the thought of anybody else touching her had Regina retching over the bowl once more. Emma had been it for her, another sob broke through and she knew, Emma had been everything, yet to Emma, she had been just the beginning, the first... not the last. She cried broken tears now, her head in her hands, finally falling under the weight of her own stupidity. 

Regina's eyes stung, raw from all the tears they had shed, but it didn't matter, she couldn't stop. She was being selfish, part of her registered that all this was selfish. Emma looked happy, she looked unhurt; she looked exactly as Regina remembered her, and that was the thing that both healed and hurt the most. Their relationship had always been fraught with difficulty, not between themselves, but them and the rest of the world, and Emma didn't deserve to have to deal with that. 

Emma deserved the world, Regina cried harder as she realized it was true. She deserved to go to college, she deserved to live the teenage years she seemed to have skipped, rendered silent under the heavy fist of abuse. She deserved to love and be loved, she deserved to taste heartbreak and sadness and learn to recognize true love when it knocked at her door. Regina laughed through her tears as she realized she herself deserved the same. She had been to college, she'd drank liquor and had too much sex, but love, relationships, she'd known nothing of them until she had met Emma and she had no desire to know any more; it was as sad and ironic as it was pathetic. 

The girl looking back at her in the mirror was a stranger now, no longer the conflicted young teacher unable to shake thoughts of her bright student. All the dreams she'd had were dead, and part of her wondered why she had cared so much about teaching others to read and write anyway, why she didn't just do as her parents wished and churn out bland manuscript after manuscript. The pain of having never lived seemed suddenly preferable to this, and for the first time in her life, Regina found herself doubting every decision she had ever made. 

She wanted to take the necklace off, she wanted to hide it in a drawer where she didn't have to look at it anymore, to see the faint blush on Emma's cheeks as she handed her the beautifully wrapped parcel that had delivered it. She wanted to close her eyes and see nothing but black, so she wouldn't have to see sandy blonde hair and dark blue eyes, a large hand reaching out to touch her, a hand that everything in Regina screamed could never deserve her like she did. She was imperfect, flawed in almost every way; she knew she was rough, abrasive, stubborn, but for Emma, she was soft, she was a version of herself she had thought was so long lost, for her, with her, she was whole. 

She scoffed softly into the dim light, day giving way to night, the air that filtered into her window still warm now, a muggy spring night. She was tired of everything, tired of her own reflection, and she she turned away from the toilet, determined to walk right to her bed and fall into it for the night, and the following day, maybe even a week, but her feet carried her in the opposite direction. She hated her weakness, yet as she padded down her stairs and opened the kitchen door, she knew she needed the strength. Thick black fur was familiar between her fingers, and she loathed the way the boy from the bar had reached out to pet Ruby's head, the head that bumped her so lovingly now. Ruby was hers, Emma was hers, and jealousy and bitterness was choking her as her tears fell onto the dog's back. 

Claws clicked on the smooth old floorboards, and Regina followed easily, unclipping the harness she hadn't bothered to remove when they got home, watching it fall to the floor as they moved towards the stairs. She collapsed onto her mattress, turning to face the mass of black fur that lowered itself down behind her. She wasn't ashamed anymore, large almond eyes didn't judge her, they knew her, and as she wrapped her arms around Ruby's neck and cried into her fur, Regina knew that even with Emma gone, she had changed so much from the person who laid in this bed for the first time on that October night that felt so long ago. 

  
#

 

Weeks didn't make it easier. Pain turned to anger, which faded to bitterness and Regina glanced around the empty street trying to distract herself from those thoughts. Tonight was a pointless exercise, the way her stiletto heels rung empty against the deserted sidewalk told her that, but she didn't care.  

 It wasn't the best time to set off for an evening out, but with Ruby sleeping, her big head in her lap, some show on TV that she didn't care about, she couldn't bare feeling like she was silently, mundanely suffocating anymore. 

 She felt frozen, stuck, unable to move forwards, too bitter to think backwards, ruined and jaded, breathing but not living, and somehow, she had finally had enough.  

Ruby looked so serene curled up on sofa, and as long as it had taken, Regina cared enough not to wake her and drag her out in the cold and leave her tied outside the bar. 

 The night was relatively warm now, yet somehow, it chilled her to the bone, though she doubted the tiny black dress that hugged her body below her leather jacket was helping.  

 She had dressed provocatively, all sultry and sex, dark smoky eyes and bare legs that went on too long - if she saw him, saw them, she wanted to have enough paint on her face to hide her expression. It was all smoke and mirrors, clever reflections and faded signs, yet somehow, by dressing up as her old self, the self she was before all this, before Emma taught her how to feel and how to burn, she could almost step back into her skin, if only for tonight. 

 The glasses of cider she'd drank while getting dressed were starting to pleasantly color the edges of her vision as she stepped through the door, letting her dark eyes linger on the doorman as he eyed her, even though she had no interest in him - that was simply what the old Regina would have done, and tonight, she was her.  

 The music was turned up loud, it was already late, and Regina made a beeline for the unusually crowded bar. Men stepped back to let her through, and she could feel jealous eyes on her. Her dark hair was straight, her eyes glittering under the strobes, and as she slipped the jacket of her shoulders, she felt more in touch with her characters than she ever had.  

 Tonight, she had a part to play; she had spent so long searching for her old self, wishing to be able to walk up to someone, follow them to their bed and sneak out the window before the sun came up, yet she never could - green eyes always on her, thin pink lips calling to her, even though she knew they were busy with someone else. No matter how hard she tried to revert, to regress, to grow backwards, she couldn't reach all the things she used to be, somehow, she couldn't find a place that was free of pain, free of her; but tonight, she would. 

 Her drinks order came out light, playful, three tequilas and a dirty martini, and she didn't slap away the hand that cut in with a twenty-dollar bill for her drinks, a smoldering look was enough thanks, before glasses in hand, she was moving away, the sway of her hips promising things she'd never give.  

 The tequila burned on its way down but it didn't matter - tonight, she was the breaker not the broken, the prize not the ruin, and as the last shot slid past her lips, she knew, she just had to forget. 

 

#

 

She didn't know how long she'd been dancing, it didn't matter. There was always someone else with a drink in their hand, always hands that were too insistent pressed against her body before she spun away and went back to her own world. Between the beat and the strobe lights, she had managed to lose herself, to shake off her demons, shake off the last ten months and remember how to breathe easy, un-conflicted, uncaring. 

 Regina felt something brush against her back, just the slide of material over material before hands settled on her waist and she whirled around to see who dared to touch her.  

"What's your name?" She stared up at the woman who had spoke in disbelief. She was attractive, hot, there was no denying it, her dark jeans and sky-high stilettos, her smoky makeup and her grey eyes. 

 "Who's asking?" 

"You can call me Mal, I'd offer you a drink but I've watched half the men in this bar buy you them tonight, only to be sent away... That leaves me with only one conclusion." Her eyes danced with a danger Regina suddenly longed to share. 

 "I don't care but I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyway." She felt her lips curl barely, just enough of a challenge, and suddenly, easily, she was playing the game. 

 "You're either very happily in a relationship and willing to turn down a hoard of perfectly good men, or you're gay... And I'm leaning towards the second..." 

 Was she in a relationship? She didn't know anymore, but her mouth answered for her anyway. "I'm both..." 

 "You're in a serious relationship with a man and you're a lesbian?" Mal studied her, and Regina felt her body burn to life under those grey eyes. The other woman licked her lips before she replied "Liars turn me on..." 

 Panic seized her, and the façade wobbled, shimmering out of existence, crumpling, leaving her naked, bare, not the old Regina, just the real Regina, broken Regina, Regina who wanted Emma Swan so badly even after her whole life had been wrecked because she had wanted her.  

 "It was nice meeting you..." She tried to leave but Mal's hand was already cool around hers, a balm to her insecurity, leading her away towards the backdoor of the bar. 

 "Don't be shy, come outside, let's light one up, don't tell me I'm not better company than these losers..." The woman barely looked back, towing Regina along behind her. 

 "I never asked for company." Cold fingers on her wrist helped her be just a little braver, gave her just enough of a pain killer that she thought maybe she could do this after all.  

 "Looking like that, you didn't have to... come on..." 

 Outside, the cool air bit her skin, and Regina fought not to shiver, fought not to fight and to let herself slip back into her old skin, back to the Regina of her college days who would have been in her element in a situation like this; a Regina who wasn't so broken. 

 Pale fingers passed her a tightly rolled cigarette, and she took a long drag, coughing as she recognized the taste of cannabis.  

 "I've been watching you..." Mal's lips were suddenly close to her own, the woman had invaded her space, and with the burn of the cannabis still tickling her lungs, Regina breathed her cool breath before she replied. 

 "Just come right out with it, because that's not vaguely psychopathic or creepy..." 

 "Nothing creepy about it... So what brought you to Storybrooketon? Don't tell me you live here?" Mal watched her intently and Regina allowed herself to enjoy the attention.  

 "I needed a change..." 

"Take it from someone who grew up here, this isn't the kind of change you need. I jumped ship for college, I come back a few times a year to make nice with my parents... Life's easier with money..." 

 Regina didn't reply, reaching out and taking the bong from Mal's fingers and taking another long pull. The similarities between them startled her. If not for Emma, perhaps that was who she would be by now, finally having taught a year and achieved what she had set out to do, maybe she would have run off back to Miami to party and write books she didn't believe in and live off her mother's money. 

 "You have gorgeous eyes, and half the world has told you that already, but I call them like I see them..." The pads of cold fingers brushed the column of her throat and Regina swallowed audibly, pleasantly disconnected. 

"What do you actually want?" Amusement, curiosity and guilt were a strange cocktail, yet they tasted better than the misery of the last few months. 

 Mal stepped forwards, her hand on Regina's cheek now, and before she could react, the other woman is leaning in to kiss her, "This" whispered between them like a secret. 

 Suddenly the moment was heavy again. The lightness of the dancing, of the bar, of the danger of following Mal, it was all gone, lost when this became a point at which she had to make a decision. Mal was undeniably beautiful, she was hot and interested, and all of it was numbing, it was an escape, and it would be so easy to shed her skin, to step out, to step away from everything and for tonight just be Regina Mills, the old Regina, poised, in control, free.  

 Pulling away before their lips could touch, with startling clarity, Regina realized she had no desire to be her anymore.  

 "What's wrong Regina, am I too old for you?" Mal's voice cut through her haze, leaving her instantly sober and Regina pushed her away. 

  "How the hell do you know who I am?" As soon as she asked the question she knew the answer - the newspapers. 

 "I may not live here, but I keep up... I saw the hot young teacher in the Storybrooketon Mirror, suspended on the grounds of a relationship with a student" 

 "Go to hell" Regina tried to pull away, to storm off, but somehow she found herself pushed against wall almost roughly, with Mal in her space again. Anger and hate and an odd arousal making her burn.  

 "Oh come on Regina, you can tell me, was she worth it?" The eye contact between them was electric and Mal was looking at her lips, holding her trapped against the wall. "Was she a good fuck?"  

 Pushing the other woman away from her Regina fully intended to leave, to run from this, from her ragged breathing and the anger that is clawing its way up her throat. Instead she flipped their position, Mal's back against the rough brick of the wall, her own front pressed against the older woman. Something inside her wanted to give in, to change, to find her old self again and fall into bed with Mal - the older woman was potent enough to make her forget for a while. 

 The glitter in Mal's grey eyes, the masked hope behind the danger, the smile behind the pout, they were all achingly familiar and suddenly it was her old self that she had pinned to the wall, the person she used to be, the person she would be if she could let herself fall back into it. The person before all the pain. 

 Grey eyes turned to green eyes looked back at her, Emma's laugh, the gold in her hair, kissing her cheeks gently once she's asleep at night - that's her future, that's what she wants, even if it's not what Emma wants with her. 

 "You actually love her..." Mal's voice was ice cold water down her spine, and before the woman could even finish her sentence Regina had turned, and was running. 

 

#

 

Black eyes watched her, accusing, and Regina almost had to turn her back. "Stop it... Go bury a bone or something..."  

Ruby didn't move from her position at her feet, and Regina just looked down at her, her gaze absent. It didn't feel real, nothing had in so long, the most palpable memory of the last few weeks being pinned against the wall out the back of the bar, looking into grey eyes and just seeing her self, the self she was, the self she didn't want to be. 

Weeks were passing by and she felt frozen, stuck, haunting the same places they used to go, running through the park every day with her heart in her mouth in case she bumped into her...and him. 

Her palms rubbed over her pants, though Regina barely noticed, her eyes still fixed on the back of Ruby's head as she thought. Graduation was less than two weeks away, she had the date somewhere, scrawled hurriedly on the end of one of Danny's notes - it didn't matter. She knew she wouldn't be welcome to attend, and even if she was, she doubted she could go, see her, see him, see if he bothered to come to watch her get her diploma before he took her out of town and back to whatever fancy city he said he came from.  

 She was still bitter. The lump of hard steel immovable in her chest told her that, the way her head still felt hot with anger when she thought of them. Emma had moved on, no amount of waiting would change that, and it was that realization that had lead to the events she had set in place for today. 

 The doorbell sounded, eerily in time with her thoughts, and as Ruby shot up, Regina stood, grabbing her around the neck and keeping her from charging the door, "Be nice..." The words were half a threat half a plea, and once a furry black behind was planted on the floor, she moved to let the realtor in. 

 "Regina Mills? I'm here for our scheduled appointment to take some pictures and hopefully get this house on the market..." 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Her life was back to boxes, or maybe it had simply remained boxes all along without her even knowing. Regina tried not to ponder that thought as she shoved the still unpacked box of plates and cutlery into the corner of her kitchen alongside the others. 

 Her house in Storybrooke was sold, that was a major ending, a period, line break, new paragraph, yet it all still felt surreal.  

 Thunder rolled outside the windows and the boxes were multiplying as piece by piece, she packed up her life in Maine. She hated that she was going back to Miami, moving in with her high school best friend Kathryn and her new husband David felt like a cop out. The ad Kathryn had posted on Facebook looking for a renter for her annex had come at almost exactly the right moment though, and Regina couldn’t deny, it was time to move on.  

Ruby sighed loudly, breaking the silence around them, her dark eyes watchful, and full of humor Regina swore, as they had been all night, delighted at watching her owner suffer. 

"I'm sorry is this so hard for you?" The dog twisted her head, replying in her own way, and Regina turned back to her boxes, a smile on her face. Thank god Kathryn had decided she would bend the 'no pets' rule, Ruby was a part of her life now, though she would never admit it. 

A bark pierced the quiet and Regina jumped, on edge from the thunder, her heart beating hard in her chest, leaving her breathless. Before she had time to question what the hell Ruby was doing, a loud knock sounded at her front door and she frowned. 

Rain lashed the windows, a storm rolling overhead in full force – who the hell was on her doorstep. 

Padding across the empty space, thick socks slippery against the old wood, she peered through the peep hole, even more confused when she saw nothing but black. Curiosity pushed her, and she opened the door slowly, carefully, her heart dropped out of her chest and into her stomach when Emma stepped back up onto her stoop. 

"Emma?" Her name tasted bittersweet, a blessing and a curse, something foreign on her tongue, an addict tasting her high of choice for the first time after a few good, heard-earned weeks of being sober. 

"Regina..." And god, her name had never, ever sounded so good, so right, and it was too easy to fall, to step out into the rain and want and want and want. A flash of light in the sky broke her from whatever trance had taken over her, catching her just in time, just before she pulled the soaking wet girl into her arms and threatened to never let her go again. The thought cooled her instantly, the familiar stab of betrayal quickly killing the hot flash of triumph that had momentarily threatened to overwhelm her. 

"What do you want?" She tried for cold, uninterested – she managed a desperate attempt at apathy, at best. 

The words hurt her. Even half-yelled over the rain, she could see their impact written on Emma's face, the exact moment her green eyes changed, clouded.  

She stepped back and motioned the girl into the hall, knowing it would do no good trying to have a conversation out in the storm – not for her nerves or ease of communication.  

Regina lingered by the foot of her stairs, watching as Emma turned down the hood to a jacket she didn't recognize, not the worn old parker of their era together. This one looked plush, new, and she was glad for that as much as she ached over the change. Dark eyes watched Emma lick her lips, suddenly nervous, watched her take in the interior of the house, breathe it all in while she tried to find the words.  

Just as she opened her mouth to speak, Ruby almost knocked the girl off her feet, and Regina found some sort of vindication in having to pull her off, until, oh god... 

"You've come to take her back." 

It wasn't a question, it was a statement devoid of emotion, and she was so glad to be leaving this god forsaken place at the end of the week, because losing Ruby, her stupid, only semi-loyal wolf dog, it was the final nail in the coffin of what she could bear. Why hadn't she realized that Emma would want her back? 

"No, Regina, No..." Emma held up her hands, moving towards her before she seemed to think better of it. "That's not why I'm here." 

Her heart settled slightly, yet she was still wary, and she still ached to touch her, to brush wet caramel hair behind her ear and feel her cool skin under her fingertips. She needed this to be over, quickly. 

"What do you want, Emma?" She almost asked where her boyfriend was, but held her tongue. The key to surviving this was brevity; the sooner it was over, the sooner she could go on, go back to planning her move back to Florida and pretending it had never happened. 

"Well..."  

Emma struggled with the words, a war raging on her face, and Regina watched her, hating herself for how she was still utterly fascinated by her, even when she half hated her – or had been trying to convince herself that she did.  

The girl was stronger somehow, she stood taller, and when she finished worrying her lip and wringing her hands, she squared her shoulders, and there was a fortitude to her that Regina had never known in the past. 

"I want what I have always wanted, Regina. I want you..." 

Regina scoffed, ready to interrupt, but Emma gave her no time. 

"If things have changed for you, I understand. I know I was selfish, and I was so scared and blinded by this huge secret that I had kept for so long that I didn’t even think about you, about what all of this would mean for you..." 

She was so off-balance, totally caught off guard by the remorse in green eyes, by the way pale hands reached for her again, only to stop at the last moment and withdraw. 

"I was childish in so many ways, and I was scared, and I just... I could have done better." Emma straightened, steeling herself after her moment of vulnerability visibly, and Regina felt the ground shifting beneath her, something in the air changing around her. 

Green eyes were alight and alive and determined in a way she had never seen. This Emma was so much stronger, harder and tactile in a way she longed to touch and taste between her teeth. She wanted to push her out the door and she wanted to kiss her beautiful stupid mouth, because it was telling her the things she never knew she had been dying inside to hear. Yet she was frozen, fixed in her spot while the tsunami crashed towards her, powerless to look away or change course. 

"I love you, Regina. I never stopped loving you, I promised I wouldn’t forget and I didn't. We didn’t do things right, or easy, and none of it ended the way I thought, but  _we_  were right, and I want that, I want you..." 

She was losing steam, stumbling over her words, her hands shaking now that her grand declaration was out, and Regina just watched her, morbidly fascinated and absolutely wrecked by the revelation. 

"I love you, and if you don’t feel the same anymore, if you want to move on, or this is too hard, or there's someone else now I understand..." 

"Excuse me?" Finally she had found her voice, and it was low and bitter and thick with venom, and she wanted to cheer because finally her defenses had showed up to save her, but she also wanted to cry because suddenly she remembered in startling clarity exactly why she had fought so hard to give up on Emma Swan – a fight she had yet to win. 

"If I find someone else? And what about you, does your boyfriend know you're here? Did that not work out so you thought you'd come back and try me again? Is he outside waiting to call the cops because YOU broke the restraining order to try to get me arrested?" 

She could feel the vein throbbing in her forehead, the stress of the situation, issues she hadn't even thought of cropping up in her mind now – she could not go through that tonight, she could not be the pervert, the rapist, the child ruiner again. 

Emma looked shattered, and the sight pleased her and sickened her in equal parts. 

"What are you talking about?"  

Her voice was that same, beautiful, melodic whisper she had loved so much, and it was balm on Regina's soul, it killed all her anger, turning it to dust in her hands and leaving her tired. 

"I saw you with him in the park." It was the only explanation she gave, her eyes staying on Ruby who lay between them, face flat on the floor as she listened to them fight. 

"My brother?" 

Silence hung thick between them, and Regina was lost, washed out to sea. Saved and ruined and saved all over again, and it was too much. 

"Regina, I love you... It's always been you...always..."  

And Emma's fingers were cool against her cheeks, and she was wiping her tears, and her own fingers were knotted tight at a slim waist, tangled in the fabric of her shirt, reluctant to let go.  

"I'm so sorry, baby..." The term of endearment sounded good coming from Emma's lips, it sounded right although Regina had never before liked pet names, she found now that she did.  

Her butt hit the bottom step of her stairs hard as she sat, and Emma went with her, taking her into her arms easily, guiding her head to her shoulder as she cried. 

 Regina cried into soft blonde curls because nothing and everything made sense. She was tired and it was all so fucked up, but Emma was here and she felt like hers and suddenly, finally, there was someone to take some of the weight that had been breaking her. Thin arms had never felt so strong as they did holding her now, and the storm that raged outside couldn’t touch her. 

Emma had grown in their time apart, she felt it in her touch, on the lips that brushed her temple, in the apologies that were whispered into her hair. 

When the dust had settled, she pulled back just enough to be able to study the younger girls face, but not enough to remove herself from her arms. Her eyes closed of their own accord when Emma reached up to run her thumb across her cheeks to dry her tears, and smooth back a strand of her dark hair.  

"Emma..." The word tasted so good in her mouth, still bittersweet, though the burn that used to accompany it was fast fading. "What about the restraining order?" 

Emma smiled, and it was beautiful, genuinely happy in a way Regina had never once seen before. 

"It's my birthday. I knocked on your door at 12.01 am. I'm eighteen, the restraining order is void, and I love you Regina..." 

They were kissing, tongues and teeth and the sweetest reunion Regina had ever tasted, her hands were already working on the zipper of the soaking new coat and she was vindicated and alive again after months in the dark. Thunder rolled, rain beat the windows, but she was too busy living, too busy losing herself in Emma to notice.  

# 

"Where do we go from here?" The question fell out without her permission, and internally she shied away from the answer, from any threat to the first little bit of peace she had found since the moment the principal had said her name all those months ago.  

She felt responsible, like she should know, like she should have a plan for them, and she knew, if not for the incident in the park, if she had trusted Emma, she probably would have. Guilt nipped cool at her skin, dissolving the warm afterglow of being with her again. 

"Baby..." Emma's voice was soft but sure, and Regina knew she would never ever tire of hearing her say that. Pale fingers pulled the sheets up higher around their naked bodies, keeping them warm, and Regina could see her stalling, buying herself a few seconds to organize whatever she was about to say.   

"I have a plan, it's not much but..." She trailed off, leaning up on her elbow, thin fingers tracing patters across Regina's collarbones, a new glimmer of determination in her eyes as she explained.  

"I knew I had to do something, my Dad was angry, and it was just time, I had to make it back to you, the thought of you alone dealing with all this it just... I called August a few days after I left the note about Ruby, he came back from Boston and I told him everything." She paused, swallowing uncomfortably before she continued. "He's been in the city for the past five years, so he was pretty shocked, August confronted my Dad and he left, but not without telling me that he would know if I tried to see you." 

Regina reached caught the hand that was tracing pattern on her skin, kissing cool fingers and urging her on. 

"August has been staying at the house with me. He made sure I graduated, and he's been running his company remotely from home. He was able to give me a part-time job, admin stuff mostly, for his bail bonds company. It's not much but I worked around school at first, and once school was done I took all the hours I could get, and a shift at the grocery store in town..." 

A smile graced her lips and Regina couldn’t help but smile too, the memory of their conversation in the TV Dinner aisle coming back to her. The change in Emma since then was stark now, yet she found herself equally as in love with this new version of her.  

"I don't have a lot, but I have some money. August's apartment in Boston is still empty and the lease is paid until December. I checked and there are a few positions open at UMass, a couple in high schools in the suburbs not too far, and UMass was one of the colleges I got accepted into." 

Suddenly, she was nervous, and Regina watched in wonder as she avoided her eyes. Suddenly there was on out, there was an ending, an endgame, a way for all of this to work out. Suddenly there was a future, and hope burned red hot in her chest, swelling up her throat until tears pricked her eyes.  

"I know it’s a lot..." 

"Yes." Regina cut her off because she couldn’t wait. Because she wanted this, she wanted this Emma who had worked for them and made plans for them, and never given up on them even when she herself had lost faith. Because fuck Miami and her mother and all the gossip and lies in this town. Emma was back, she was home, and Emma was hers.  

"Yes, I'll come to Boston with you... But there's one condition." 

She could feel Emma smiling against her lips when she leaned down to kiss her and demanded she name it. 

"I have to bring my dog." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this! 
> 
> I do have plans for an epilogue, and a sequel. If you would be interested in reading them please let me know, I will attempt to make time, depending on the response. Comments are still appreciated and make for great inspiration to write the next one.
> 
> For other work and updates on LITS follow me on twitter @LERoyalWrites
> 
> This story has been close to my heart for a number of years. Thank you guys for finally sharing it with me by choosing to read it.


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